Second Weddings

Kind of afraid of another divorce

I am getting married next month (EEK!) and I am SO excited, but I am also very scared. FI is NOTHING like my first husband, but it is still a fear of mine.
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Re: Kind of afraid of another divorce

  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011

    If he is NOTHING like your first, and you are going in with a well formed knowledge of everything about him, I'm sure you will be fine.


    FWIW: This is my FIRST wedding after having 2 kids and not being married. My last live in relationship (daughter's dad, he's been gone for 11 years) was so bad I REALLY waited to start dating again. But I know that Kevin and I complement each other.........we have different personalities, but they are a "ying and yang" think, making us stronger as a couple I think. But we do agree about what is important in life, like family first, about financial things, and how we want to spend our free time.


    I'm sure you are just having pre-wedding thoughts. Let it go. Relax.

  • edited December 2011
    I think about that, too. My FI is nothing like my ex either. Complete opposites almost. I think it would be abnormal of me to not be a little timid after what I went through the first time. I think it's actually a good thing because you are aware it's a possiblity, whereas most of us the first time around figured that could never happen to us! Knowing the possibilities now, you can see things that might go wrong and probably know how to fix them before it spirals out of control. I just think divorce makes you much more aware of your faults, your FI's fault, and what to do/what NOT to do. I think as long as you aren't still completely hung up on your past marriage and aren't seeking a solution to your issues through your FI, you are ahead of the game :)

     







  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_kind-of-afraid-of-another-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:3286b1cb-1ce5-4d38-b8ac-0d5321adeca3Post:dccb5432-d2db-4cd4-ba5c-cbd68a615589">Re: Kind of afraid of another divorce</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's normal to be gun-shy after a divorce. They're so painful, even if it was the best thing. Nobody goes into a marriage hoping to get divorced. This is a major, life-changing event, and it's natural to have these fears. <strong>Read the "it's normal" thread.</strong>  We've all been there. Sit back, breathe deep,  relax, and focus on memories of how you fell in love. Do that whenever the "stage mother" voice tries to take over.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
    I just did this myself yesterday.  Every once in awhile, I'm getting jitters now.  I don't think I was nervous about my 1st wedding at all - until just before I walked down the aisle.  I went into a full body shake - pretty sure now that was a sign, but I digress.

    I think being nervous about the 2nd marriage is normal and might even be a good sign.  I mean that as I am taking the time to really think about it and be sure.  In retrospect, I don't think I was sure at all about my 1st marriage.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    I was not nervous about my first marriage at all! But then, I was 19 years old....young and dumb, I suppose. Thank you ladies. I know FI is the man for me, I just remember how the divorce felt and never want to experience it again.
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  • AllgaierAllgaier member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Been there done that! Same age too!!! totally agree with you. it's not easy and I just always hope for the best. My SO doesn't believe in divorce so makes it a bit easier in a way.
  • edited December 2011
    I sometimes worry aboy that as well. Its very hard to go thru something so hard, i felt like i failed in a way. It wasnt easy to do, I got married at 21, after being with my EH since i was 16, i thought we had it down to a science, but much like others, i should have known the morning of my wedding a hurricane blew threw and i had the worst migraine ever and ended up missing my massage with my MOH bc i was throwing up!! SIGNS!!

    this time I am possitive he is the right one, we wwent thru thick and thin, was my best friend and we even lost touch for a while, but we came back and now its like day and night. So, i think for a second wedding its ok to have some pre- wedding jitters just dont let that ruin your day or overwhelm you, because you have decided to let it go, ( cuz you said yes!!)  so marry him and make the best of each day together!! 
     
    Dreams do come true...when you wish....can't wait to be his princess Wedding Countdown Ticker
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