Sandwich Generation

nyrek

So the kids aren't the only things that drive you crazy at times...

Background: My mother has been widowed for less than 2 years after a 21 year marriage to my step-dad and since has become extremely co-dependant.  She not only lives only 12 houses away from me, she works in my same office.  She is a very anxious lady, very obese, has almost no range of motion in her right arm due to a rotator cuff surgery gone wrong, has already had plates and pins in both hips, is seeing surgeon early April for possible double knee replacement...and keep in mind, she's only 62.

Now...I love my mother with all my heart.  She has been most supportive and would do anything in the world for me or my kids.

This morning, I had to take her for an MRI and discovered she has another complete rotator cuff tear in the other arm!  She has no range of motion of either arm now! We can't get her into the surgeon until next Wednesday...so in the meantime, lots of pain meds, and guess who gets to help her with driving, changing her clothes, getting ready, cooking ,cleaning, shopping...everything. Yep.

This weekend is also my youngest's 9th b-day and I have a crew of little ones coming for a sleepover. Plus taking care of mom. Plus all the homework I'm supposed to be doing. Grrr...

I'm thinking a very large cocktail is in order before bed tonight.

right1thistime

Cocktails are an important tool for us in the sandwich generation!! 

My Mom is 85, has end stage heart disease on hospice, lives in assisted living, is slowly getting more and more and more dementia.  I am an only child in a family of three siblings.  (I have two brothers.  One who's disabled and useless, and the other who is male.) 

My kids are older (Thank God!), so not as dependent, but just as trying on my patience. 

Bless you for taking care of her.  Everytime I complain, someone says, "Be thankful you still have her."  I guess its sort of like being asked how it feels to get older- "pretty good considering the alternative." 

Good luck this weekend.  ~Donna

nyrek

hahaha...so true!  Having 2 other useless siblings adds a slight irritant to the mix as well...I do understand that!

Having lost my step dad, then my dad 8 months later, I am grateful to have her still with me.  To preserve my sanity, I did call in a home-care agency who's meeting with us in the morning.  Hopefully that will alleviate some of my responsibility and at least give me someone to delegate to if need be. 

If nothing else...I focus on the fact that at least she's really funny right now!  She's been on a cough suppressant with codeine...then they put her on Percocet for the pain.  Man...she's silly!

(Yes...I'm a nurse and I've already warned her about the effects of reduced respirations with narcotics...so I'm teaching her about alternating her meds so as not to OD herself too badly!)

Here's to good friends...good boards to post this stuff on...and cocktails to get us through!!!

Marrin713

I'm in the sandwich generation as well.  If it's not my adult son getting himself into some sort of jam, it's my mother down in Florida.  Actually she's been doing really well since Dad passed in October - I am proud of her!  However I am also the only daughter and in eastern European families, everything to do with the parents fall to the daughter.  So not only do I have my own new little family, I have my troubled son, and my mother.  When my dad was so ill, I was back and forth to FL and I was also speaking with his oncologist so I could translate everything from medspeak into plain English for my parents.  Then my brother would have the nerve to call me for updates!  Finally I said - you wanna know, you call mom and dad yourself or better yet call the freakin' doctor!

<sigh /> It's tiring, isn't it?

Wish I drank - a large cocktail would do me fine right about now

JenniferLuvsCandy

Box o wine

Sue-n-Kevin

OMG, this is a fun board! I love all you ladies, cuz we all sound as though we are having similar situations.

Nyrek, be grateful you live so close to your Mom. My 80+ yr old parents live 10 miles away, and I don't visit them nearly as often as I should. But thank God, for now, they are self-sustaining and able to take care of things. I tried years ago to get them to buy a house in a new subdivision a few blocks away. Nope, couldn't do that to help me out! And I AM an only child, without even helpless siblings.

Luckily for me, I have a couple of great kids. My son is home from DC this week, where he attends grad school. We are going to see my parents this afternoon. Other than the "me-me-me, I'm all that matters" attitude from my 15 yr old daughter, my life is fine.

My fiance, however, has 1 good kid out of 3. HIs oldest is married to a Marine and stationed in Hawaii with their 2 kids. His middle child, a 28 yr old son, is in a rehab home for a whole year to try to kick his alcoholism which will force him to file bankruptcy because he has thousands in medical bills he will never pay.... no job, no insurance, in his entire adult life. His 17 yr old daughter is pregnant, and her due date is early August. She doesn't want to give it up for adoption, in spite of the fact we've both tried to tell her that teenage mothers and their kids end up on welfare or at poverty levels 75% of the time. We've tried to explain that true love means you give your child the life they SHOULD have, not the life you selfishly want for yourself. They are both aware she cannot move in here after we are married in just under 18 months. If she's adult enough to keep her child, she's adult enough to find a place to live and support herself. My fiance has a huge heart, and has been very soft on his kids. We'll see if we can overcome all of this, but so far, we are in agreement.

So yes, the sandwich generation, of mostly baby boomers, is a tough one. I love my box-o-wine on occasion. I pray a LOT. But I do have to say, I wouldn't have it any other way. People with totally smooth lives don't get the opportunity to shine and learn when tough times happen.

Good luck to us all.

candyr99

I guess I will stop whining about my daughter. My parents are getting older but still self sufficient and my FI's kids are thrilled with our wedding. I think my daughter is happy too, she just doesn't want to admit it.