Second Weddings

My kids know, how do I tell my xh?

I am new here to TK but would love your input.  My 3 kids (24. 18 & 15) know that I am getting remarried (July 2012) they all love my fiance.  The problem is I have not told my xh.  My kids have not said anything to him either.  I do wear my ring around him so it's not like I am hiding anything.  I would love advice on when and how you told your xh's that you were getting remarried. (We have been apart 7 years he has not had a gf during this time.) We are on good terms and can (thank God) easily be in the same space.  Your thoughts, ideas & suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you! 

Re: My kids know, how do I tell my xh?

  • edited December 2011
    Well - I can tell you how it happened with me and my exH.  I was engaged on Christmas day.  My mom in her excitement posted on FB about how excited she is about my engagement (and my brother got engaged at the same time) and my brother's.

    Oops - my ex h is friends with my mom on FB.  So when I dropped the kids off at his place - he asked me about it.  Undecided

    IF I had done it myself - I was just going to be short and sweet about it - "by the way...engaged... etc"

    Good luck!
  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    xH never heard it from me.  We have barely spoken in 7 years.  Blabbermouth son told him, but it was no problem.
  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Just don't get your kids to promise not to tell him.  That can easily come across as putting them in the middle between you two.  But otherwise, you can tell or not tell him, depending on how your relationship is otherwise.  In our case, I not only told him but invited him to the wedding--and he accepted.
  • edited December 2011
    Just tell him simply and matter of fact. 
    xh, I wanted to tell you myself that Fi and I are getting married next year.  I felt it was important to tell you rather than allow you to hear it second hand.  Ok, bye.
  • edited December 2011
    Ditto PP.  That's exactly what I did.  My kids are young, and I wanted to tell XH first before they could tell him, so that was pretty much it.  

    He said, "Good LUCK." and hung up on me, but then was over it in a few days.
  • mgd1121mgd1121 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I told my xH on the phone.  It was on FB but he didn't bring it up.  We have a child who is 3, but my xH hasn't seen him since he was 1.  Since he only calls bout once every 6 or 8 mos to check in, I figured I should tell him cause I probably won't hear from him again until after the wedding. He  took it really well.  He does have a g/f though that he's been with since day 1 of the split (and a little before lol) so I think that's why he took it so well.

    Really, just kinda saying "hey, I wanted to let you know that ___fi name____ and I are getting married" should be fine.  It may be a little awkward to bring up, but you'll be glad you did.  Hope he takes it well!  Good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    My XH and I are on really good terms. We have three children together. (8,6,4) I am a stay at home mom and we have joint custody. So on days he has them and has to work they come to my house anyway. So when he picked them up I looked at him and said. BTW on Nov 12th I am going to need you to pick the kids up at our venue after dinner. He looked a little confused at first and them he laughed! Wished me good luck and left it at that. Now a few months later he is actually being more helpful then he was for our wedding. I ask his opinion on all of my DIY's. He has a great artistic eye and I don't. Needless to say it has not been a big deal. But I don't mind admiting that I was not looking forward to telling him
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • amy7177amy7177 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I didnt have to tell my ex, my boys told him. They are 18, 16 and 11 1/2....I guesse it took a load off of me. JUst dont tell him, im sure he already knows or your kids will do the work for you. The only reason to discuss it with him is if the kids are going to be part of the wedding party and you need his help to get them ready (mine are(
    Married on July 29, 2011
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