Its hard....

TheShelley

...to be shopping and getting excited about wedding stuff without feeling a little silly.

We are shooting for a very small but tasteful ceremony and reception.  Yes, we both want it, but we also want something that "makes sense" for my kids.  We want to celebrate, and have a happy day to become a family.

But honestly, I've done the "circus wedding".  Everything I'm looking at is being modeled by people that look like they're twelve!  I keep thinking there are better things to spend money on, or that we shouldn't spend the money at all.  Plus, this concept of ours could so easily bust at the seams--we could easily invite dozens more people, or what if there's something out of our budget i just "have to have". 

I'm starting to be convinced there's no such thing as a small wedding!  Anybody else have any of these feelings?

Jells2dot0

I felt that way when planning my wedding. We decided to do a destination wedding, just the two of us, and scaled back quite a bit from our respective first weddings. I kept things super simple- no guests, no fancy dress, no decorations (I let the scenery speak for itself), and no over the top wedding gifts. Well, I still ended up spending more than the average wedding in the US! However, the bulk of the cost was in the travel and we spend quite a bit on travel each year. It just happens to be one of our passions. I didn't feel extremely silly while planning, but I did feel silly when people asked me where I was registered. I was like "whaaaa???". It was a normal question to ask and I needed to just get over it. I was a bride, no matter how many times I walked down the aisle previously. FWIW- I did not have a shower and did not create a registry, nor did I expect one. At the end of the day, I think I probably ended up having one of the smallest weddings possible, but yep- still a little out of control. Looking back, I definitely think I did the right thing by doing what I wanted to do and focusing on what was important to us as a couple. So, that may be a larger wedding with all of the trimmings for some people! For me, it was something away from home, intimate, and private.

missv19732000

Definitely know how you feel.  Especially if you read the articles on The Knot and look at all the pictures. I am keeping it simple, but when you are bombarded with all of this stuff (a lot of it being unecessary) it's not easy.  I've done so much oooing and aahhing over wedding products and ideas and ALMOST thinking something was a "must have"  (STD's, Out of Town bags for guests) but I stuck to my guns.  The funniest thing for me was when I was talking to a good friend of mine and she asked "Are you sending your save-the-dates this week?"  I said, "Save the dates - no, this is your save the date...the wedding will be on Jan. 19th!"  She couldn't help but laugh!  I personally think those are a waste of money and paper.  What happened to the invite being enough?

anssett

LMAO. I'm having this wedding. I keep getting electronic side-eye on the boards but I don't care. I'm SO me I'm not worried. 

We live in the Seattle and the cherry trees bloom for 3 weeks a year, whenever nature decides (around March/April). We're waiting until they start to bloom, then picking a weekend 2 weeks later for the wedding. Our parents are flying in. That weekend we'll see what the weather is like and find a nice time. 4 local friends (1 is officiant) + parents + us will tromp into the woods to a lovely cherry tree (to be determined once they bloom). That's my wediding. I'm making my dress (pink tulle whimsical playful). No decor. We'll get some food afterward somewhere nice.

Then when the weather is stable and nice in July we're having our reception. I couldn't ask the out of town (and country) friends/family to fly on 2 weeks notice so we pushed it way back until it's good weather season. We're camping out on some friends' property. We're going to have a woodsy reception and everyone keeps asking us to add more 'traditional wedding' stuff (like vows again? a dance? who knows). Food will probably be from a food truck. We'll see.

We're doing e-mail save-the-dates (I designed them). I may splurge on paper invites, but I may not. It's 10,000% us and we'll have an amazing time and most of my family will too, and the people who want formal and expected may not come and that's OK.

You can have a tiny wedding that looks very little like the Knot brides, but it's still a wedding and you still marry the lover of your dreams. Good luck. Avoid shiny things you don't need or really want! I declare you will still have a great wedding without them.

right1thistime

Nothing silly about it.  You are encouraged to get excited, and to enjoy the planning. 

I think that depending on what your highest priority is, will determine how you spend your money.  For some, finding the most economical ways to host the ceremony & reception they wish for is how they plan.  For others, it's having the most elegant (but not over the top) party they can reasonably afford.  And as the PP said, for others it's being in the most gorgeous setting possible -together.  Different strokes for different folks, as they say.  ~Donna

ArcheryGirl1

We're planning a small wedding.  But yes, everything is expensive.  You just have to make decisions based on your tastes and what you want and go from there.

20pearls16

Not silly at all. I started out saying I wanted a backyard wedding. Then I started watching SYTD and I felll in love with wearing a actual wedding dress. Yes I was sucked into the hype. But at 39 I knew I did not want over the top. I didn't want a bridal party, full formal sit down dinner, DJ etc. We decided to have a small wedding with a cocktail reception. We still kept it simple and kept the budget under 5K. It turned out great and more beautiful than I could have imagined. 

You can be excited, eventhough you will have folks who may think you shoudn't. You can have the wedding of your dreams without breaking the bank. Good luck.

deucedst96

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_its-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:3ae6ac40-b7eb-4839-bb7d-d10f612529d9Post:5d80cfb2-e1b0-49fc-8d1f-24927c5f8a98">Re: Its hard....</a>:
[QUOTE]Not silly at all. I started out saying I wanted a backyard wedding. Then I started watching SYTD and I felll in love with wearing a actual wedding dress. Yes I was sucked into the hype. But at 39 I knew I did not want over the top. I didn't want a bridal party, full formal sit down dinner, DJ etc. We decided to have a small wedding with a cocktail reception. We still kept it simple and kept the budget under 5K. It turned out great and more beautiful than I could have imagined.  You can be excited, eventhough you will have folks who may think you shoudn't. You can have the wedding of your dreams without breaking the bank. Good luck.
Posted by 20pearls16[/QUOTE]

I'm glad to hear you say that! I started out by saying that I didn't want a dress and all I wanted was to go to the JP, but now, me and my FI have secured the Marriott Waterfront and I have a dress. It will still be 12 guest, but I couldn't resist. I want an evening wedding with our officiant and our immediate family.

AliW220

Oh yes, I totally have those feelings! Its so difficult when most of my friends and people I know from high school and college are planning their first wedding... And I'm already on number two. I have so many grand plans that I didn't do because I was too stressed last time around had to get extremely good grades to get into my program college, but now Fi and I have two kids, and its just pointless to spend money for fun's sake when we really need to save for cars and college. It just makes me feel crappy, wishing I could erase those years defined by my ex!

ellie63

Funny how when you're 49 and it's second time around, and it's your own money, what becomes really important! Even at 70 guests and with what we've planned I may be a little over the top, but were keeping it under 1000 and that was what we could afford to spend. I'm really looking forward to it!