Invitation wording

ccallaway03

I am having a BIG problem with our invitation wording, here is our situation...

My parents aren't involved in my life and won't even be invited to the wedding.  My FI's parents are definately involved in our lives and are helping with the wedding.  SInce this is my 2nd and his 1st marriage I am really really confused!  Should we put his parents and not mine? Should we not put parents on there? Should we put his parents and my kids?  Idk what to do...Can someone please help me?

melissamc2

I'm in the minority on this kind of thing, but I'm not an advocate of ever putting parents' names on invitations, regardless of situation.  It's not their event.  I know a lot of people think that if parents are paying, then they somehow become almost an extention of the couple - but it has never sat well with me.

My fiance and I are paying for everything ourselves (his first marriage, not mine) and are not including anyone's names other than our own.  If your fiance's parents are paying and really WANT their names on there...you may have to find a compromise by explaining how you feel about only having one set of parents' names on there (it WOULD look odd to outsiders, most likely, and potentially lead to questions that you should never have to answer if you don't want to) and how you do NOT want your parents' names on there.

In my opinion, you and your fiance getting married is the centerpiece of all of this and your names are the ones that should be showcased.  I would think his parents would understand that.

Good luck!  Working around family can sometimes be the most challenging part of a wedding!

Heather822

Instead of names, can you put something like "{YOUR NAMES} together with their families"....? That is pretty much all-encompassing and doesn't necessarily include or exclude any individuals.

mswood1977

You can word it they way it was traditionally worded when the brides parents hosted the wedding and only the brides parents where listed on the invitation but use his parents:

Mr & Mrs. John Smith
request the honor of your presence (for church)
request the pleasure of your company (not church)
at the wedding
of thier son
First Middle
to
Jane Lynn Doe
...

Personally I used:

Together with their families
Jane Lynn Doe
and
John Jacob Smith
request the honor of your presence...

Sloane99

Another vote for "Together with their families", that's what we used. Our parents are helping us pay for the wedding, but when we printed the invites we didn't actually know that - we thought the together with their families was a nice nod to them without detracting from the fact that it is our day. I also think that the parent's names as in "daughter of Jane and John Doe" or whatever seems somewhat young? I dunno, just my opinion but I am not just my parents daughter at the age of 31!

right1thistime

The listing of parents' names has nothing to do with who is paying, describes who is hosting.  Now in a traditional situation, the bride's parents may be both hosting and paying.  The line has blurred a bit on the difference between the two.  If the two of you are the actual hosts of this celebration (and I think many times that is the case) then you are the hosts, and the invitation would not include any parents.  If they are in fact the hosts, then the invite should look like what mswood said. 

I get the impression from your post that "together with their families" might not be what you are looking for, as it might imply the involvement of your parents.  I think it is probably vague enough that you could still use it, unless it really feels all wrong to you. 

I guess I would vote for the invitation to be worded:
John James Doe
and
CCallaway03

request the....what mswood said.  ~Donna

MrsKevers

I'm voting for "Together with their families" as well. 

thealphabride

Hi Congrats and welcome to the board!
I know you don't want mention of your parents. I totally agree with right1thistime, in that 'together with their families' is vague enough to use, but how will his parents feel about it? Feel it out with your fiance and have him check with his parents, it sounds like you have a good relationship with them.
I don't know the proper etiquitte, but we are older 53,50 and we are paying for the whole wedding and using "Together with their Families", becaue I feel it involves our 2 boys as well. Good luck, let us know what you decide!

NJ Jen

Wedding #1 I did "together with their families" - all of our parents were divorced and remarried. Had we named them all I would have had no other room on my invites!

This wedding, I am not mentioning our parents. They aren't throwing it, hosting it, and it's an invitation, not an announcement.

melissamc2

"The listing of parents' names has nothing to do with who is paying, describes who is hosting"


Generally speaking, the host IS the one paying , which is why they are considered the "host."  I think that's why most people associate the two.  I wouldn't think a set of parents could truly be called "hosts" when all they did was show up.

Of course, I fully admit that we're having very little family involvement in the planning/hosting process of things.  Our families, including parents, really are just honoured guests that we want to enjoy the event - not feel responsiblef for in any way, shape, or form.  That could have a lot to do with age, however.  I'd feel slightly irresponsible if my Mother were doing a lot of my planning (or any paying) at this stage of my life.  The OP may not be in her 30s, or come from a very different line of thought.

I do agree that "with their families" is a nice happy medium if including others on the invitation is important.  It will be a nice way to include her children and his parents without getting overly specific.

right1thistime

So if you win the Today show contest and they are paying for your wedding it should say, "The Today Show cordially requests the honour of your presence"??

And if the couple racks up their credit cards, should  the invite say, "Citibank requests..."?

In many cases the bride and groom are paying a portion, her parents are paying a portion and the groom's parents are paying for their traditional components, namely the rehearsal dinner, the men's formal wear and the flowers.  In the case of a young girl, it was historically considered improprer for her to host a major social event.  So her parents were the hosts of the wedding, and the groom's parents hosted the rehearsal dinner. It went so far as to be that a young woman without parents would have to ask someone to host her wedding, and aunt, a charitable matron etc, to prevent the impropriety of her hosting it alone.  Obviously those days are gone. 

My point is simply that if CCallaway and her Fi are the hosts of the event, with some assistance from his parents financially, it is fine for the bride and groom to issue the invite.  The invite is not intended to be a scorecard of who paid what and how much.  ~Donna

ccallaway03

Thanks so much! After reading all of your opinions, we have decided that since we are the ones planning, and the ones paying for the majority of it, that we aren't going to use our parents.  His parents were a little upset by it, but I told them that since my parents weren't going to be on the invite, that it would look kind of funny if their names were.  My FI said, "they'll get over it in time for the wedding"...LOL!  My in-laws are great, so we are going to find another way to honor them.