Help me alleviate my guilt...

1sttimenavywife2be

Hi - new to this board, but been around here for several years :-)

I am getting married for the second time next month...very excited.

However, I have a 2 and a half year old (NOT from my ex husband - daughter was concieved after divorce, however, her dad and i never had a "relationship" - Long (LONG) story short, He was married, he didnt tell me until AFTER I got pregnant, but I still moved across the country (eastcoast to westcoast) so that he can be in her life - he as a father is an AMAZING father, he just sucks as a human :-)

Back to my question! My Fi and I have been together since my daighter was 6 months old. We are going to Vegas next month for a very small (you could say elopment) wedding between my work sched and his military deployments....I have made the choice to not have her  come to vegas for a few reasons -

1. shes too little to understand what is going on
2. I really wont have acess to a "babysitter" to enjoy the time with my new hubby
3. She really wont even remember being in a "wedding"

however, I feel slightly guilty that she is not included as my FI will be her stepfather....Later on next year we will plan a "wedding celebration" in which we plan on doing a "vow renewal" and plan on having her participate.

so, should I feel guilty, or am i making the right choice because of how we and where we are getting married? she will be with her dad while I am gone...

TIA, and I apprecaite any feedback!

EMC050

So I think it's really up to you to alleviate the guilt.  I used to say that it doesn't make sense to take a child anywhere that they're not enough to ask to go.  Not in a mean way, but just is it more valuable to the child to be at this place.  Since this is what you would call an "elopement" I would think it's okay to let her skip it.  If it were me and more of a formal ceremony, then I'd say yes, bring her, but with the situation you described I can see why you would choose to let her skip it.  Maybe doing something special that involves the three of you and is somehow relevant to your union as a family before your trip to make it legal would be a good idea and would give you something to look back on with her.  Hope this helps.  Good Luck.  

right1thistime

I hereby declare you guilt- free.   A child under 5 has no understanding of the significance of the event.  Enjoy your wedding.  ~Donna

MikesAngie

I agree with Right1, your daughter is too young to understand what is happening and you are going to Las Vegas, which is not a toddler friendly destination.

Nothing to feel guilty about.

rapunnzzll

You shouldn't have any quilt.  Vegas is not for young children, she won't remember it.  Next year at your celebration she will be there and participate in it.  Go, enjoy your elopement and your short time with your new hubby.

1sttimenavywife2be

Omgosh, thank you so much....i do feel better....:-) THANK YOU

AbbeyS2011

Sniff...Sniff...Snifff....nope, not sensing any guilt at all. 

She will be well cared for, you go and get married and enjoy your adult alone time together.  The 3 of you have the rest of your lives to grow and bond as a family - she will be fine for a few days.