Second Weddings

Who to invite and Who NOT too!!

Both my fiance and I have been married once and we had the big formal weddings.  We are planning a chilled wedding on a beach in Michigan and using his parents oversized lot to have the party afterwards.  We have two problems:  Food Ideas and more importantly who do we invite and who do we not invite.  I have a large family and so does he.  We are planning on paying for our everything and my fiance is an extra frugal man... We are Real Estate agents so money can be tight sometimes! :)  We wanted to keep the number of people to a minimum but when we made out our lists is came out too 155 people....  He was not so pleased to say the least but I can't just cut people out...  HELP!!  Not sure how to work this out considering most everyone we invite WILL show up!!  I say we just suck it up and invite everyone and find frugal ideas for dinner, like baked mossaccoli and salad and maybe fried chicken or sloppy joes???  It is really going to just be a big BBQ but I want it to be nice too!!  HELP!!  Yell

Re: Who to invite and Who NOT too!!

  • edited December 2011
    Welcome and congratulations!

    Finalizing a guest list can one of the most, if not THE most, stressful aspects of planning a wedding.  In the end only you and your FI can answer the question of whom to invite, or not invite. 

    I have a HUGE (not large!) family that consist of nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins, and first cousins once removed.  My FI, on the other hand, has a TINY family.  When I started cutting family members off the list, he'd put them back on, but a line had to drawn somewhere.... For me, it was not only blood ties, but what emotional tie did I have with the family member.  I invited most,  but not all of my cousins. based on the fact of the relationship that we have as adults, not what we had as children.

    I think that you can certainly make an outdoor BBQ super super SUPER nice!  Its the little touches that go into the event, not always what is on the menu! 

  • edited December 2011
    Arv has the right advice - only you & your FI can decide who gets an invite and who doesn't.  If you really want all 100+ people to attend, you'll need to look at your budget and decide what you can realistically spend to feed them all (after all the other expenses that go with a wedding.)

    Backyard BBQ's can be done very tastefully, alot of it has to do with how you decorate - I strongly recommend you find a BBQ restauarant and have them bring the trays of food to your location.  The cost per person for a BBQ sould be far less than other more labor intensive foods. (One of the reasons they're sooo popular!)

    And just remember you really only have to provide punch and cake! Everything else is optional.
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  • mybooboosmybooboos member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'd have to agree with the previous post.  FI and I have easily over 200 people we socialize with, not including family, but we wanted to keep the guest list to around 80 ppl.  We looked at our friends and family and evaluated, "how many of these people reach out to us, as often as we reach out to them?", or "who do we feel comfortable sharing our personal day-to-day life with?".  If you're going to share one of your most important days, it should be with someone that you'd feel comfortable sharing other pieces of your life with. Not just because you "have" to or out of convenience. 

    Receptions can be done at a wide range of price points.  You could have a catered BBQ, which is inexpensive, or even a Mexican fiesta (rice, beans, marinated flank steak, etc) with margaritas as your signature cocktail...and a piñata filled with mini liquor bottles (if primarily adults). Asian cuisine is also very inexpensive, and can be elevated for a more formal event, as well as a tapas menu of small plates. 

    Figure out what you enjoy eating, and there are ways of doing it for less.  Then just ensure that those people sitting around the table with you, are truly the people you want to share the day with. 
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    Compared to my family my FI's is large boardering on huge, but how he reigned in his portion of the list is; would he know these people if he saw them on the street?  His mom's side is crazy big and she would have used our wedding as a family reunion had my FI not put a stop to it.  Right now we're at 110 including our "B" list, we're waiting to get our final per plate cost from the caterer before we cut into the guest list further.

    I have seen some recent wedding photographs of backyard celebrations that have been beautiful events and done on a budget.  When planning any event the budget is the key. Know it and stick to it.

  • edited December 2011
    HI  every year we have a big BBq at our home( 50-60 plp). This year we will have the same BBQ and people  except we will have hired two local waitresses to spend the day doing everything I have always done. and a griller for him  We want a big party and yes I will have a wedding gown with a train cause I had a jp the first time and I want a dress. some flowers and cake but really my budget will stay close to all the other parties we have had. but it is not till july so things may get added over the next few months lol
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you all for your advice!!  It helps to hear what others think to take all aspects and put them into perspective!!  I want to just focus on us and making sure we have the essentials for the party!  The food and drinks are minor compared to the company!!  Thanks again everyone!!
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