widowed, but first marrage for him

spoons243

i had a big wedding the first time, but lost my first husband.  Fast forward a couple years and i meet another incredible man who wants to make me his wife.  the new fiance and i are looking forward to a big wedding next year, is this accecptable(were both under 30)?  ive been entertaining the idea of a pink dress instead of the traditional white one.  Also what to do about my first set of in laws, do i announce to them if we havent talked for over a year, or just let the grapevine do all the work?

Avion22

I'm also widdowed and getting married again (first for him as well).  I'm 31, he's 32 (I was widdowed at 27).

I didn't have the big wedding the first time around (parents, grandparents, and siblings only), so we're deffinitely doing the big blow-out.  Well, not huge -- it'll only be about 80 people, but we're going all out.    

If you want to do the big wedding, it is TOTALLY acceptable.  You can wear whatever dress you want (white and ivory are fine), have your dad give you away, and do anything else you want to do.    My guess is that you will probably end up doing things naturally a bit different from the first time around just that there aren't elements that are exactly like your first wedding (that would be a lot for a widdow to handle, I think). 

As for telling your in-laws....I don't speak to his parents anymore (it's a long story), but I do occasionally chat on FB with my former SIL, and she knows, so I'm assuming his parents know as well.    I don't think it's something you need to "announce" to them (especially if you're not close anymore), and you certainly don't need to invite them unless you really really want to.    

right1thistime

Even if you are not close to them, unless things are estranged, my advice would be to just give them a quick call to tell them.  Spare them the shock & hurt that you didn't care to tell them personally.  Simply call & say (after the pleasantries), "I wanted to call you myself to let you know that I am getting married.  I wanted you to hear it from me rather than from the grapevine. I hope you can wish me well." 

On the other hand, if you are estranged, then skip calling them.  ~Donna

P.S. - and have the wedding that makes your hearts sing.

Sue-n-Kevin

Welcome to the board. Congrats on finding a great guy after the sadness of your loss.

When we married last August it was my first, my hubby's third. We had an elegant formal event for 80 of our closest friends and family members. We got married in a non-denominational chapel with a reception afterward.

Have the wedding you want and can afford.

I agree with how Donna worded the discussion with your former in-laws. I'm sure they still mourn the loss of their son, but if you have a good relationship with them, make the call to them rather than letting them find out secondhand.

Good luck. Looking forward to hearing about all your plans.

vexie

Congratulations on finding love again!  Set aside the 'shoulds'  and 'should not' mindset that second time brides can easily fall into.  You're about to marry the man you love... so allow yourself to have the wedding day that best celebrates that love! 

As far as your in-laws go... definitely call them and tell them in person.  They may be hurt depending on where they are in the grieving process but I'm sure they will appreciate hearing it from you directly.  Last summer I married a widower who was still very much in contact with his in-laws because of the two young grandchildren.  They were invited to our wedding and have become dear friends of mine as well.

Good luck and have fun planning your big day!

rymurkit

I am also widowed (widowed at 27, I am not almost 32), my fiance is 34 and has never been married.  I am definitely looking to connect with those of you in my same situation!