Fiance's child in wedding

frugea73

On one of the ask Caley site someone asked about fieances child in wedding and did not wnat them there and refered to his a "lack of contraception". I would hate to think someone is that cold but there are a few siutations that make is understandable.

I have a friend who was forced to marry the girl he got pregnate. She lied to him and told him she was on the pill but was not. This same girl also lied to him about her age. She was 15 said she was 17 he was 19. Her parents said they would press charges if he did not marry the girl. He waited for her to turn 18 and divorced her. HE could no longer be charged with stagitaory rape and was never around any how. He works construction and is on the road all the time. Now he pays child support but wants nother to do with the kid or the mother. I could see the point if this is your fiance situation.

Sloane99

I don't understand, are you asking if your fiance's child should be in your wedding, or are you saying that his refusal to act like a Dad is understandable?

melissamc2

I'm probably going to come across as a little bitchy on this one, but I'm willing to risk it.

The guy wasn't "forced" to marry anyone.  He made bad choices, caved to pressure, and did it.  If he'd actually oh, KNOWN anything about the girl he was dating, he'd have  realized he was dating a child and not an adult.  Yes, I really do advocate carding your date the first time or two.

As for "she lied to him" about being on the pill...if he had no interest in fathering a child under any circumstances, he'd have been protecting himself, as well.  I NEVER buy into the "he GOT" someone pregnant OR "he was lied to about contraception."  Both parties are responsible for themselves.  You fail to protect YOURSELF, then YOU will deal with the fallout - men AND women.

I feel bad for the child in this could be true situation.  Both parents sound like huge douches and I can't imagine wanting to marry a man who semenated a tween-child, married her because he was threatened, divorced her the minute he got the chance, and pretends a child he fathered doesn't exist.

However, we all have different taste I suppose.

right1thistime

MUD

MikesAngie

First off it's difficult to understand what you are attempting to get across.  Secondly the only reason to involve a FI's child in the wedding is if that child is part of your lives and you want them to feel as though they are part of your special day.  If your FI isn't an active parent in the child's life, why bother?

Don't make excuses for someone who wasn't diligent in their behaviors, it's not the xW's fault that the father of the child doesn't parent his child.  It's also not just her fault that there is a child it takes two to tango and gee if he wasn't ready to procreate then he should have worn a condom. It's not just up to the ladies/girls to be responsible for birth control.

I agree with Melissa why would you want to marry someone who withholds love and emotional support for his own child? 

frugea73

Ok I am not involved with the guy I mentioned above he is just a friend. I DONT get involved with men with children that is just my thing. What I am woundering is why would someone even bother to marry a man with a child if she felt that way about the kid. I was woundering about the "lack of contraception" and how it could apply and I thought of my friend yes he should have been more carefull with the age of a girl he was having sex with. People lie about things I had a fake ID in high school.  He did use a condom  but the is not a 100% method. The situation could have been overted. Being pushed into marriage or jail it really leaves choices. The situatin just left one man verry jaded. He wanted to see is child just with out the mother or her parents. They would not allow it. So he has just gave up.

arv266

I'd love to add my opinion, but for the life of me, I have no idea what the OP is trying to get across.  Not to be biiitchy, but grammar and spelling do count on boards.... Stay in school people....

melissamc2

Oohhh, I get it.  The "condoms work for 98% of people but it just happened to fail one time in his entire for random dirtback while he was f*cking a tween" situation.  Silly me.

I also apologize for thinking he should have paid more attention to his girlfriend's age!  Grown men never put two and two together when their date can never get together before the bell rings at 3.

frugea73

HE should have been more carefull I dont question that but he was lied to. My friends have girls who are 13 -  15 and they look 18. It is funny the mom and dad new they were dating and had met him before she was pregnate andf never had a problem.  What kind of parent knowlingly allow their daughter to go out with someone that much older. Thanks god me and my Fiance will not have to deal with this we do not have kids and wont have them. If I had a daughter I would not allow her at 15 to date someone who is 18. Just to add the ex wife has 4 other kis for 4 diferent men.

hanron007

you're friend is a complete idiot and the world may have been a better place if he had been thrown into jail. 

Marrin713

I cannot for the life of me understand this post.  What are we supposed to respond to?

Lisa8888

The OP just keeps making excuses for this guy. The guy was dating the mother of this child and he decided to marry her. It is his child. These excuses don't justify him turning his back on the child.

dexterandrisa

I have a situation you all might be able to help me with.  I am getting married to a wonderful man who has 3 adult children.  I myself have 3 children (16, 12, & 10)  My fiance lives with me and is a very big part of my children's lives so of course I have every intention on including them in the ceremony.  I haven't met his children as of yet (his son lives away, and his two daughters are adults).  He doesn't seem to be as close with them as I am with mine stating that his children are adults now so my question is - do I feel guilty if I include my children in the wedding and not his?  The wedding isn't till 2012 so I am sure I will meet them before then but if not my questions stands.

dexterandrisa

Thanks RetreadBride.  I was a little concerned that even though they are adults they would be hurt if they weren't involved in the ceremony (My plan is for my fiance to say a vow to my children and present them with necklaces).  I know my fiance plans on making his son his best man, but the daughters would be my territory so I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being overly pushy, yet too stand-offish.  I will ask them directly.  Makes sense to me