How The Heck Do I Even BEGIN Planning a 2nd Wedding?

gonnaberachelk

My First post!!! So exciting! Seriously though, I am overwhelmed. It's a happy, excited feeling - but...still. I don't know where to begin. Some history:

We're both in our 30's. This will be a 2nd (and last) wedding for both FI and I. We have 4 children between us aged 3-10.

Both of us already have some things in mind for our wedding... mostly that list is made up of things we DONT want (based of course on our first experiences - ones that we don't want to duplicate). From that list we have narrowed it down to the following so far:

VERY intimate (possibly only us + pastor, immediate family)
More casual, not formal (no big puffy dress or tuxes)
No attendants
Christian Covenant ceremony (no JOP or formal church)
Outside (likely snowing)
Big party after - put possibly months after, to include all of our friends

I may not even wear a wedding dress (probably no). Thinking of a smart winter white wool coat, darling hat & mittens, faux fur/cape, and bitchin' boots. He'll wear a casual suit, I'm guessing.

This website is awesome, but its overwhelming. Even the task list is overwhelming because we don't want half of what is on there. No shower, no fancy fancy. No party favors or guest book. Just him and me and God. How do I start planning with that? What do I do first - book the pastor? Find the venue? Sort based on priorities or money/budget?

Do they even make a planner out there specifically customized to people who just want to concentrate on certain details? Can I delete things off of my Knot task list if I don't want them? Because seriously looking at everything on there makes me feel fussy. 

Seriously no idea where to start.

But - YAY! I'm getting hitched! LOL.  Thanks in advance.

MikesAngie

Congratulations!! And welcome!!

You have your date set, so now time to get the rest, probably a good idea to know or have a rough time of day as well.

Budget - know what you have to spend and what details that it will/should cover, venue, pastor, wedding rings, marriage license, photographer, flowers, attire, meal or snack of some sort, beverages and so on.

Venue - keep this within your budget, research the venue.  Parks have a permit fee and it's usually for two hours and only includes use of the park.  Ask lots of questions to find out what is and isn't provided with any venue.

Pastor - Once you have your venue selected then you know how far your officiant will have to travel and they will set their fee accordingly.

Attire - yours and his and if you are going to have your children dressed in any certain fashion even if it's warm coats and mittens.

Flowers - if you are or aren't going to have them

Invitations or other stationary -  yes, no, maybe?

When or if you're going to have a reception or party later - yes, no, naybe?

HTH

gonnaberachelk

Actually, that DOES help. Thanks!

Any other advice?

debi1941

Congratulations!

It seems as if you know what you wnt already and you just take a deep breath and tackle one step at a time....

the preliminary ideas actually sound wonderful.....and MikesAngie gave you excellent advice....

I too was overwhelmed by the knots task list for so many do not apply to me and the wedding we are haveing...just check em off and say byebye...

Congratulatons again and keep us all informed as you make wedding plan progress 

ichellemay1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_heck-even-begin-planning-2nd-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:4ee51c39-5508-4da8-a499-2b5e120b8eb2Post:608f9dcf-f518-4a25-96ff-477b519952ba">Re: How The Heck Do I Even BEGIN Planning a 2nd Wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Congratulations!! And welcome!! You have your date set, so now time to get the rest, probably a good idea to know or have a rough time of day as well. Budget - know what you have to spend and what details that it will/should cover, venue, pastor, wedding rings, marriage license, photographer, flowers, attire, meal or snack of some sort, beverages and so on. Venue - keep this within your budget, research the venue.  Parks have a permit fee and it's usually for two hours and only includes use of the park.  Ask lots of questions to find out what is and isn't provided with any venue. Pastor - Once you have your venue selected then you know how far your officiant will have to travel and they will set their fee accordingly. Attire - yours and his and if you are going to have your children dressed in any certain fashion even if it's warm coats and mittens. Flowers - if you are or aren't going to have them Invitations or other stationary -  yes, no, maybe? When or if you're going to have a reception or party later - yes, no, naybe? HTH
Posted by MikesAngie[/QUOTE]

This exactly.  As for TK checklist.  I crossed off the things I didn't need and then used what was left to create my own checklist in a Word doc.  I have it in a binder/notebook and that helps keep it together.

ETA:  Congrats and welcome!!!

cathelena321

I am planning my second and last also.  We have decided to do it our way.  I clicked the things we are not doing as completed on the knot list watch how quickly it get to a managable amount for you.

AdelphiTN

I love what you are thinking of wearing. If I had a winter wonderland wedding, i would absolutely wear winter white, fur, and bitchin boots!

2dBride

I marked a whole lot of The Knot's tasks as "completed," based on not doing them at all.  The things required for your ceremony will be fairly minimal.  If you talk to a few potential venues and officiants, you should be able to come up with a budget, and then work from there.

Marrin713

I didn't need no stinkin' checklist (well, yeah I did  ) but we married by the seat of our pants so to speak.  We married at the courthouse and then had a small cocktail reception at a local golf course.  No wedding dress - no tux.  We planned and executed in less than 5 months.  Our quasi checklist was like:

1.  pick the Fri to marry (our county only does marriages on Fridays)
2.  Pick reception venue based on the Fri. - was unable to get anything in our price range for a Fri night so we found something for Sun evening.  That whole weekend was one big party as many out of towners actually made it in for the ceremony and not just the reception.  Sat. was for H and I to relax a little and spend time with his family who had come in from Cal., Color. and Nebr for the w/e.

We had predetermined what we wanted in a reception.  We're all casual people and in order to invite everyone we wanted to invite we had to scale back from a reception dinner to a heavy apps/hosted bar cocktail party.  We could have afforded a full dinner/open bar at the local VFW or American Legion, and I'm not knocking those places because they do a great job for little $$$$$ but as we are in our 50's, we just thought something a little more upscale.  Besides, in our local VFW, we could have chiseled the ages old cigarette smoke off the walls.

Wow, I am getting carried away here and I'm sure it's more than you needed to know.  Just start with a vision which it seems like you already have and then take it one step further by actually planning toward it.  Best of luck!

right1thistime

I've been married 4 1/2 years now and my checklist still says I have 54 items "to do" !  Do what everyone else said- and check off what you doubt you will use. 

My advice as to how to start your wedding planning is to block out some alone time with Fi, sit down with a notebook or laptop, and just start to throw ideas at each other.  You have a pretty good outline already.  Close your eyes and imagine your wedding ceremony & celebration.  What do you envision?  What would the sounds be? What would the smells be?  What would the lighting be?  What would the mood be? 
When the two of you share some sensation- you have found the parameter you need to plan around.  So if the smell is smoke from a fireplace, the sounds are background music with voices of people you love laughing and celebrating, and the lighting is soft but not dark - that's a different venue than if the smells are delicious barbecue, the sounds are pounding dance rhythyms and the lights are twinkling holiday lights against a dark room.   Both can be great-- but if you look for what both of you want your senses to perceive, I think you will be so happy with the outcome.
If he won't play (the "whatever you want is fine. type of guy") you can always give him a this or that choice.  So you want us to have a formal or casual wedding?  Not casual.  Do you want is black tie formal or just dressed up?  Dressed up.  Buy a suit or rent a tux?  Suit.  etc.  At least you'll get some idea of his preferences.  ~Donna

George7211

rightthistime I love what you said  " Perfect"

denisentim0311

Welcome and Congrats to you and your FI!!!!
I'm planning my third and last wedding and it's my FIs 2nd wedding.  What I did was I picked out a venue first.  We're having a destination wedding.  We're getting married in SC.  We were going to get married in TN but it was way out of our budget.  Now we're getting married on the beach in SC.
The second thing I worried about was my dress and if I was going to wear a formal or casual or semi-formal.  Well I went with a plain gown.  Not too dressy and not casual either.  Cost me $250 at David's Bridal.
After the dress I worried about whether we were inviting people or if we were going to go it alone.  Turns out we're going to have my three boys there, his parents, and I think his son and maybe daughter.  It's just going to be the two of us at the altar with the pastor.  Everyone else is going to be watching, taking pictures, and video taping the ceremony.  The pictures are included in the package from our venue, but we're making sure we get other pics that they may not capture.
The next thing I worried about was my bouquet.  I've gotten married by the judge and mayor at my first two weddings, and I wanted to be able to have something special.  So I ordered a silk flower bouquet that I will be able to have forever.
There won't be any music to worry about or a reception to worry about, so that makes life easier.
As for the Knottie Checklist, what I did was checked off everything that I didn't need to do, and that way I had just the list I need from now until my wedding day.  It's very helpful to use that tool.
Well I wish you the best of luck and Congratulations again.  Hope this helps you out.
Denise

thealphabride

I love the moderator's advice about the excel sheet!

There is a wedding website called www.weddingwire.com

You can sign up for free and use all of the interactive tools. They have all the same tools that RETREAD medtioned but you don't have to create it, because it already exists. I used all the guestlist tools and they made planning really easy.

As far as the checklist goes, just check off the ones you don't need and add one's you will use.

They also have a great budgeting tool. I planned my whole wedding on there and it made it a breeze.

gatormom04

I, too am planning our second wedding. I was a single mother for 25 years and raised all three of my children before I began dating again. When I met Curt, it did not take me long to begin dreaming of a wedding. I have not had a clear picture though and it is tough trying to decide. We found a great deal on a wonderful house and bought it this summer. That changed some of our finances which is probably for the best since the house is a long term goal.

I envy you that you both agree on something so simple. After being single for so long, there are some friends and family of course, whom I want to be there with me to celebrate finding the love of my life.

Your ceremony sounds simple enough. I would think you would want to research some special scripture or write some words to say to each other, even your vows. I did notice that you want the ceremony to be just the two of you. Curt would like that as well, but when I suggested to my youngest (28) that we might elope, she asked if we wanted them (kids) there! That did it, I can not do this without my children and parents present! Yours are much younger so perhaps that is not as tough.

I found some interesting and different ceremony suggestions in a book recently called Wedding Star. One was a sand ceremony where the children each pour in sand and then we each pour in sand of different colors and it symolizes our families coming together. We then save the sand design for display in our home. I have heard of it, but this magaazine not only described it, but gave information for the containers.

Another idea I saw in Wedding Star was to write love letters to each other and lock them in a special box to be opened at a designated anniversary. The one they had in the article also had a bottle of special wine in the box.

Anyhow, I do envy you the simplicity. Not that I want fancy,  I just do not want to ever regret not having those people who encouraged me and stood by my side as I tried to be a strong, great mom in raising my kids.

I am guessing your ceremony is soon since it will be in winter. We have chosen June 18th. We live near water and water is important to us both so we are probably planning it at a resaurant on the water. He wants me to have just what I want.....if I knew what that was I would be ready to go! 

Anyhow, congrats on the wedding and your simplicity!

swimmom

gonnaberachelk

Ladies, I can't thank you enough for all of your ideas. Really helped to calm my overactive/overplanning brain.

Had I the room, I would have told you that while it's likely we will have a winter wedding (yes, soon) - another idea we've toyed around with is a destination wedding in Hawaii. The problem with that is twofold: 1) the kids won't be there (maybe that's okay - we haven't decided) and 2) its too frou frou to pick a package - not simple. I literally would want to go, spec out a nice spot, hire a pastor, get the license, and then do it... without the audience and the fancy services. Lovely for other people, but that's just not us. We want privacy. Just us and God.

I do already have friends moaning about us doing it alone... in the end when I close my eyes, I don't see them all there. I see the love of my life and the pastor. That's it. The party after will be a riotous occassion and everyone that prayed for this man will be able to celebrate then!

So much to think about. And really? Two of the widest possibilities: SNOW (outside) or BEACH (outside with our toes in the sand).

Sigh.