How do you handle this situation....

nabrighteyes

The deed is done...we're married!   But is anyone else dealing with a vindictive XH?  XH did not take me getting remarried well. My son is not affected by this but I am.  I tried talking to him but to no avail. What should I do?

Sue-n-Kevin

I think in order to give better advice, we might need to know more than he's vindictive and that he did not take "getting remarried well". Is he threatening you, or just making mean comments?

In any event, unless your welfare is threatened, I'd just limit contact to anything to do with your son (who I assume is his).

arv266

I agree with the PP.  If he is bitter and making nasty remarks, then the only thing to do is completely ignore him.  Ignore his calls, texts, and emails.  No matter how viled up he gets you, do not respond.  My X was very bitter after the divorce and seemed to think that he could freely scrutinize and critize my life and my decisions.  Having a mediator during this time greatly helped him to stop, and helped me to realize that I did not have to accept his behavior, and did not have to respond to it.  There is nothing at this point that you have to explain to him; continuing to do so adds fuel to his fire.  Nip it in the bud.

Now, if your X is threatening you physically, my advice would be to call the cops and get a court order against him.  Some people cannot handle their emotions well, and will cause an otherwise rational person to do an irrational act.

Congratulations on your wedding.  Please do not allow your X to rain on your parade.  This is his goal, don't let him get his way on this. 

right1thistime

Above advice is great.  I want to underscore the advice to get legal assistance if he is threatening you in any way.

He can only impact your life now if you allow it.  He no longer has the power, unless you give it to him.  If you choose to take his calls, emails, texts, whatever, then you are giving him that power.  Tell him once - "if I receive another <whatever> that is in any way negative, I will stop taking them altogether."  If you have to communicate about son, tell him he will have to find a third party willing to send the communication between you without the negativity.  ~Donna

nabrighteyes

The problem is that he using the Court system to harass me.  This year alone, he has filed (3) petitions to decrease support ALL WHICH HAVE BEEN DENIED and has just filed his fourth.  He was found guilty of vexatious behavior by the Judge but he keeps doing it.  I do not and have not had any conversation with him since 2006 because you can't talk to him without it going from I love you to I want you back to why don't you love me and then the name calling so no, I don't take any of his calls and he has been prohibited from calling my house and doesn't have any of our cellular numbers.  What do I do?  I am suppose to be in wedding bliss and filed a suit just the Friday before we got married!

arv266

You realize that he timed it perfectly to correspond with your wedding, and you either call him the jackass he is, or you feel sorry for him.  Personally, I would chose to call him the farm animal. 

The only thing, at this point, that he can fight about is the child support.  This is not something you can control, and you have to let it go.  Although his request has been denied in the past, the court may grant his last petition, as there has been a significant change (namely, you're getting married).  The court may (or may not) view your combined household income when determining child support.  I am not sure what the law is for your area, but I would recommend that you google it.

My X did this to me as well.  He didn't take me to court as many times as you did, but it was vexing none the less.  Not ONCE did he ever make his payments on time, and he always had some sort of nasty gram with his checks.  When we first got divorced I depended on his income to help us get by, and that really bothered me.  I really wanted nothing to do with this man, period. 

I've worked really hard and finally reached a point where I am financial stable.  Stable enough to tell him to take his child support and shove it.  I understand that not everyone can do this, but the fight about money is just the last straw on having something to fight about.

nabrighteyes

In PA, hubby income does not apply because he didn't make the baby...haha

What we have decided to do after praying on the situation is transfer the case (2.5) hours away from him making it more difficult for him to use the court system to harass me.  Wish me luck!

arv266

Your solution is BRILLIANT!!!!!!!  Wishing you all the luck in the world and wishing you a very happy honeymoon period!!!!

MikesAngie

Good luck with the change in venue!  I hope that he will begin to stop his behavior, too bad he wasn't raised to be an adult.

Congratulations and enjoy your new life!!!

BTW: You're profile picture is gorgeous!

thealphabride

I'm sorry for your situation. I think your solution is great. There is nothing you can do except forget it and go on with your married bliss, until it is time to go to court.

He's an ass. That is why he's your ex. He has no power over you.

Only you can decide if and how it will affect you.

nabrighteyes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_handle-this-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:50a46e17-b502-4d4e-a107-919062a7eef4Post:b461ff58-2a46-4c70-832d-a4ac1d30b552">Re: How do you handle this situation....</a>:
[QUOTE]Good luck with the change in venue!  I hope that he will begin to stop his behavior, too bad he wasn't raised to be an adult. Congratulations and enjoy your new life!!! BTW: You're profile picture is gorgeous!
Posted by MikesAngie[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the compliment!

nabrighteyes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_handle-this-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:50a46e17-b502-4d4e-a107-919062a7eef4Post:0260f94b-5bdf-4d32-ba73-52ea3c1138b4">Re: How do you handle this situation....</a>:
[QUOTE]Is he one of those exes who doesn't understand WHY he's an ex?
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]


Oh....ABSOLUTELY!

He may not be the sharpest crayon in the box but he was one of the pretty ones!