will i regret it?

SoonToBeMrsRhodes3

When I first got engaged I wanted a big (or what i think is big) wedding.  This will be my first marriage, for my fiance however this will be his third. We had planned on a wedding of about 100-150 people in June 2013 that would hopefully cost us 5000-5500 dollars, but the last few months money has been tight and I just keep thinking how can we spend all this money on one day when we have two kids to support and debt we could be paying off. By skipping the wedding we could pay off my car and then some saving us the 200 per month payment. We want to get a house sometime in the next few years and paying off our debt will help us get there. So I guess my feeling now is we could party one day or start working towards our future goals together. I am just worried that some day I will regret never having a wedding with my father walking me down the aisle and everything I have thought my wedding would be all my life.

Lisa50

But, if you skip a wedding, how will you get married?  Or, are you skipping getting married?  Is this a terminology thing?  I'm confused.

Sue-n-Kevin

I didn't vote, because those simple answers are not enough to capture what I wanted to say........

My situation was exactly as yours is: my first, my hubby's third. However, the thing that was not the same was that we had no debt...........just 2 homes, which we still have, but his daughter is living in his old house.

I can't answer for you if you will have regrets. But like you, I did want a nice elegant event, the "best party we've ever thrown" to celebrate our marriage.

With age and life experience comes wisdom: you should have the event you can afford. Just don't plan on a "re-do" down the road, because that's poor etiqette.

We planned a wedding for 100 people, 83 came. It cost us around $6500. We could have done it for a LOT less, but again, we were not in debt to start.

I'd recommend thinking about the smallest size guest list you can have while not hurting anyone's feelings. Maybe make the cutoff at siblings & families, aunts & uncles, no first cousins. I can't answer this for you because I don't know your circumstances.

Throwing a wedding reception when you are older has it's advantages: you are not inviting every person who was ever your BFF, or gals you knew in high school. It's your very best and closest friends, people who have been that for YEARS.

Pick an "off day" like a Friday night or Sunday afternoon, find a venue that holds the commensurate amount of people, do a bunch of DIY stuff to keep costs down, and don't get enamored with all the wedding "fluff", things that are not necessary. I did my own invitations (from Michael's sale table), centerpiece flowers, table runners, tons more.  You can have an elegant Sunday brunch at a larger restaurant, or Friday night event which is less than a Saturday. You can get an empty slate type of venue and fill it with rentals (tables, chairs, linens), or you can get  an all inclusive hall for a limited number of people. The first option, which is what we did, to be honest is a pain, but I didn't mind. In the end it was not really that much less than an all-inclusive hall or restaurant.

Go on your local board if you haven't already (link to left, "local wedding boards") and ask for help in finding the cheapest venue, best prices, and then plan something you can afford.

If you want photographers & a DJ, look into local colleges with art majors. For catering, look into local colleges that offer culinary classes/degrees.

There is nothing tying you into a special date or year, generally it's a preference, but not a requirement. We planned our wedding over an 18 month period, after doing a signficant review of our budget, allowing for unknown expenses. For you two it might be $3000 available in 2 years...........or $1500 by next June.

For a marriage all you need is a groom, a bride, an officiant and a witness. Start with that then figure out how much you want to spend outside that minimal requirement. In the end you are married, which is the real event.

PS: I see you are in Maine. We'll be there next month, visiting with one of my best friends. It's my hubby's first trip there, my daughter's second. We LOVE Maine, and I can't wait to share it's beauty with my hubby. Enjoy the rest of the summer!

MikesAngie

If you end up married at the end of the day it was a real wedding.  Some on this board opted for smaller more intimate ceremonies without all the hoopla.  

Pick the elements that are important to you, (which will help cut down on costs) and go with those ideas. If your dad walking  you down the aisle is important to you then have a small intimate wedding which will cost less in the long run.  

The smaller the guest list the more time you will have to vist with your guests.

Sue has a lot of helpful cost saving ideas and her sdvice is very good.  

right1thistime

Sue was quite eloquent and gave you good advice.  I voted for a cheaper wedding.  5K is pretty economical, but still more than I would advise anyone to spend on a party when they are already in debt & have young children to support.  

An at home party, or in a church hall, or at a local fraternal club could be done for significantly less.  

The actual wedding part of the event doesn't cost very much.  Your dad can walk you down the aisle of a church or event hall without a thousand dollar dress, rented tux, 2K in flowers and a string quartet.  

You made a choice when you had your children to be a responsible parent.  Saving for a home, saving for retirement, saving for their college education & having an emergency fund in case something happens are all more important ways to spend your money.  If getting out of debt will help you to do any of that, I wouldn't siphon money off for a party.  ~Donna

coopsbaby

I agree with both previous posters. There are SOOO many ways to cut a few things and still have a lovely wedding with your family. Check out the budget board, and the DIY if you're planning on doing anything yourself. And of course we're always happy to help with ideas as well!

handfast4me

While money wasn't tight for us, we decided to be married just the two of us, for a variety of reasons. I do not regret the way we got married it was, indeed a WEDDING!. The pp is correct, you need to figure out what you can afford. However, we didn't even need witnesses as they are not required in many states any more. And, in states like Colordo, you don't even need an officiant!

ellie63

I agree with everything that has been said. Keep it small and simple and don't spend too much time looking at all the extras people include because they really aren't necessary. We're doing a beautiful wedding and dessert reception for 70 for under 1000. We'll save the big party for someday when we aren't in debt. Absolutely NOT going into debt to pay for a wedding!