I'm getting married Aug 7. Dealing with his ex in a pain in the butt. She does everything she can to turn the boys (5 and 9) against their father. He moved out of state and in with me over a year ago.
We live 3hrs from his children and he has visitation every other weekend. I have no clue what she actually tells her children but I know she thinks he moved to be with me. I can see where most might think that is true however it is not. He had lost his job in Dec. of 08 and was hardly able to put food on the table when he had a job. He searched solidly for 3 months and debated with the idea of moving because there were more job opportunities where I live. We were both torn about him moving away from his children, when we 1st started dating (long distance) he made it clear they were 1st in his life and I would be 2nd. I was fine with that because he never made me feel 2nd.
If he hadn't lost his job I would have moved there instead but life doesn't always work the way you want. I had a job and could do more for him here than anyone else could there. So he moved. Since then she tells him he abandoned his kids at least once every other week or so. He calls to talk to his children almost every other night and she used to answer every once in a while, now she doesn't. And if he doesn't answer when she calls... OMG the drama. The only time he gets to talk to his boys is during his visitation. She will however send text messages telling him his children are crying and why did he have to move, but she won't let him talk to them - "They don't need to hear your voice" is what she tells them. She also tells them that she can't wait till their old enough to decide they don't ever have to see their dad ever again.
I cannot imagine not wanting my children to have a relationship with a father who loves them.
Per court order they were supposed to have the 1 week of summer visitation figured out by April 15th so he can schedule days off - it's not. She talks about days and weeks but then always has to go look at her calendar. Ugh! (Both of us are very punctual people and like to know when he is going to have the children so we can schedule fun things to do with them. Which reminds me she is always trying to make plans on his visitation weekend. He only gets them 4 days a month - don't you think she could schedule around that?
Anyway - as I said earlier we are getting married Aug 7. specifically a boys visitation weekend. He is going to tell the boys Memorial Day weekend because he finally got his divorce in March and we wanted them to get use to the idea of us as a couple. I know that when he tells them he's going to tell her too and I'm sure I will get a barrage of texts on how I am not their mother and I will not raise them. I am going to tell her that no I am not their mother nor am I there to replace her in that role. All I want is to be good friends with them and be there for them if they need me to be.
I just have a sinking feeling she is going to do anything she can to keep them from the ceremony even though it is his weekend. We have come to the decision that we might both try and look for jobs in their area and move back again. IIf we can accomplish this goal with the economy the way it is, he is also going to go back to court and ask that he have them every other monday - sunday. I know she will flip but we feel that if we can we have to move for the kids. We want to be a bigger part of their lives than she is letting him be. I don't think that she is helping the "abandoned" feeling by not letting them talk to him but I guarantee she doesn't see it that way. She also told him the other day that she prays that I can't have kids because the world doesn't need anymore abandoned kids.
Y'all might disagree with me but he's doing his best and did what was best thing he could think to do at the time of the move. BTW they love coming to our house. Always happy to see him and always sad to leave. Something they never do with their mom.
Do you think she will ever grow up? She is almost 30 and acts so very childish most of the time.