Name Change mid-career....

timsflower81

FI mentioned last night that maybe I should keep my last name (which is my ex-husbands last name) for work purposes.  Although I am important in my little realm at work, in the grand scheme of things, I'm not an artist, public figure, CEO or anything like that.  Everytime I have to hear someone say my full name it pains me a bit because I still have my ex's name.  I've been looking forward to changing my  name to my FI's last name and he thinks that's fine but that I should keep my current name at work so people "still know who I am".  I'm really against keeping any part of my current last name...How do people handle this?  For those that got remarried and changed your name - did people have a hard time or not understand?  In my mind, it is "normal" to change your name when you get married.  I never changed my name back to my maiden name because of how expensive it is and it just seemed silly.  I met fi before my divorce was final and figured if we ever get married, I would be changing it anyways so here I am 2.5 years later and can't wait to change my name!  Thoughts??  If it helps, I'm 31 years old.  

right1thistime

What name do you WANT to be known by?  I changed my name with 1st marriage, very early in my career.  Didn't change it when I got divorced as I had 2 young kids.  Did change it when I married DH @ age 44 in a fairly high level executive position.  I still get mail, email, added to attendance lists and referred to by xH's last name (it's been 5 1/2 yrs, people) and just go with the flow.  I also changed my middle name to my maiden name, as it is important to me. 

DD told me she wants to drop her dad's last name & take my maiden name.  I secretly would LOVE that, but gave her a non-committal mmm-hhmmmm.  ~Donna

debbiem56

I didn't change my name when I got divorced because of the kids.  Now, 15 years later, I remarried and changed my name.  There have been very few problems at work.  Clients have noticed, but for the first couple months when I would leave messages I would include my former name so they would know it was me.  The firm kept my e-mail with my old name going for a couple months so nothing was lost.

I am also an elected public official.  I have had to be a bit aggressive and make noticeable efforts to get the citizens to know my new name.  Otherwise, being the incumbent would not be beneficial.  Luckily, I am not up for reelection until next year so I have time for them to get to used to the new name.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_name-change-mid-career?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:53f44597-f6d4-4b9e-a2b7-15e71429c107Post:07d7d97e-4440-4051-a3e5-ddf326127e0e">Name Change mid-career....</a>:
[QUOTE]FI mentioned last night that maybe I should keep my last name (which is my ex-husbands last name) for work purposes.  Although I am important in my little realm at work, in the grand scheme of things, I'm not an artist, public figure, CEO or anything like that.  Everytime I have to hear someone say my full name it pains me a bit because I still have my ex's name.  I've been looking forward to changing my  name to my FI's last name and he thinks that's fine but that I should keep my current name at work so people "still know who I am".  I'm really against keeping any part of my current last name...How do people handle this?  For those that got remarried and changed your name - did people have a hard time or not understand?  In my mind, it is "normal" to change your name when you get married.  I never changed my name back to my maiden name <strong>because of how expensive it is</strong> and it just seemed silly.  I met fi before my divorce was final and figured if we ever get married, I would be changing it anyways so here I am 2.5 years later and can't wait to change my name!  Thoughts??  If it helps, I'm 31 years old.  
Posted by timsflower81[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I've changed my name twice and never paid a cent.   Sure, it's a hassel, but it's free.  </div><div>
</div><div>Anyway, whether you change your name or not is up to you, and not him.  I don't think I would want to keep my ex-husband's name if I were you.  Heck, I changed back to my maiden name after my late husband passed away because hearing "his" name was a painful reminder.   Not sure if I will change it this time or not.</div><div>
</div>

Lisa50

I handled it by not changing my name the first time I married.  That doesn't help you at this point, I know.  You really sound like you're in agony over it.  Do you remember why you changed your name the first time around?  Are those reasons still important to you?

A former co-worker made the legal name change when she got married.  Years later, when she and her husband separated, she began using First Maiden Last (written on paperwork and that's how began she signing her name).  After her divorce, she dropped use of the first husband's last name.  I have no idea if she made that a legal change. 

So, tomorrow, start using First Maiden Ex's Last Name.  Try that for a while, add your maiden name where you can without making any kind of legal change, on your email at work, for instance.  Change your biz cards, etc.  If you're certain you do not want to use Ex's Last Name, drop it now. 

Live as First Maiden for a year (or more) and then decide if you want to add your new husband's last name.  There is no time limit. Good luck!

ETA: At age 31, you are not considered mid-career (still early).  Sorry.

timsflower81

I changed my name when I first got married because I was young and thought it was "the thing to do".   I never imagined he'd turn into a jerk and treat me like crap.  I want to change my name now, because I am so proud to become my FI's wife, to me having the same name symbolizes that we are unified. I only said mid-career because I'm well known at my company - I've been there for 10 years now.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that I want to completely drop my ex's name.    I'm not sure I want to go back to my maiden name, I think people would find it odd given my not so great relationship with my dad.  Thanks for all the encouragement, I talked to FI and explained how I was feeling and he is happy with whatever I decide to do.   Thanks for the encouragement!

handfast4me

Never changed mine, the first time, when I got divorced, or for the second marriage.  I don't understand the need for both to have the same name; you're not brother and sister, are you?  (That's the answer I used to give when people used to ask me waaaaaay back in the 80s when they realized that my then husband and I didn't use the same last name.) 

People are so used to blended families it's not uncommon for having several different last names in the same family. 

vexie

I changed my name after my second marriage this past June.  It ended up not being a big deal.  I changed my name on my voice mail message to first name, maidan name, new last name and did the same on my email signature for the first 3 or so month.   I completely changed my name on my business card right from the get-go.  A few people left some funny comments on my voice message like, "oh, you have a different last name... I hope it's for a good reason' but all in all the change was pretty seamless.  (I'm a communty mental health case manager so deal with many different people at different agencies on a regular basis)

20pearls16

I'm struggling with the same issue. I got married at 22 right out of undergrad and changed my name to my ex-husband's name. My total career, my professional license, children names etc have been under my ex-husband's name. We were married for 13 years. When we divorced several years ago I never changed it back. Now that I am getting ready to get married again I am struggling. I do want to use my FI name but I don't know what to do career wise. I thought about hypenating my two married names but I think that would be tacky. I'm stuck too.