I need to practice my icy stare of death

mfeo24

::OMG MFEO why do you tolerate this??:::

At a party this weekend a coworker, who I used to be rather close to, but have grown apart, had this conversation with me. She was talking about an upcoming trip and asked if I had any international travel planned. I told her the wedding is in the carribean. She immediately says "Oh, how is the divorce going??" (both of ours was drawn out, so we were engaged prior to them being finalized.)  I gave her a vague answer about "yeah, that's been done for a long time, it was easy, blah blah blah. So we're moving along with wedding plans"  She just keeps going about "oh, I know it was difficult at first etc etc." I repeated that no, it all went fine and has been done for quite a while now. So then she says "So how will this wedding be different from your last?" In my head I'm cursing this girl wondering what she is thinking and why I'm still talking, but instead I start to answer her! I go on and on about how the last one was big and took forever to plan but this time it's just the two of us, and she just keeps asking about my last one. The whole time I'm thinking to myself "I shouldn't be discussing this and my last wedding is the furthest thing from my mind when I'm getting ready to marry this man standing right ove there," but instead I just keep indulging her! ::sigh::  Any tips on how to separate my need to please and be polite from the hideous questions like this? I have stopped bringing up my ex or past or anything, but it took a few hard lessons before I figured it out.

right1thistime

There are so many ways to put off a rude question.  One I happen to like is to take a deep breath, frown a bit, chew your lip, and then ask, "why would you want to know that?"  (Credit to Dear Abby).  ~Donna

Sue-n-Kevin

I like Donna's answer. I would just be polite and state "I'd like to be polite and tell you, but I don't think there is a polite way to answer that."

If the person continues, I'd probably say "on the advice of counsel, I can't answer that and invoke my 5th amendment rights". I mean, honestly, how intrusive can some people be?

Grits8812

Wow she sounds rude.  If she keeps bringing it up just tell her that you don't want to talk about it, and that all that matters is this wedding.  

soon to be mrs pham

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_need-practice-icy-stare-of-death?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:561c2320-2c13-41b2-a77e-69e1ae007a38Post:1c675ddc-4a61-4224-b813-b1a82342265a">Re: I need to practice my icy stare of death</a>:
[QUOTE]I like Donna's answer. I would just be polite and state "I'd like to be polite and tell you, but I don't think there is a polite way to answer that." If the person continues, I'd probably say<strong> "on the advice of counsel, I can't answer that and invoke my 5th amendment rights". </strong>I mean, honestly, how intrusive can some people be?
Posted by Sue-n-Kevin[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>^^ i love this answer!</div>

Opie&Bubbles

Honestly for me my previous wedding keeps on getting brought up as well. Lucky for me it's nothing like what this one will be like, first our engagement will be for a year not a week. I've just answered everyone because I know not many people will ask.

Laurmi

Wow. Your coworker sounds like a real gem! I feel your pain and can totally relate! For some reason I keep over explaining my last marraige vs this relationship and/or future marraige whenever it gets brought up. I don't know why, and I feel like once I start I can't stop! I feel like I have to rationalize WHY I left my ex to everyone for some reason...when in reality I probably shouldn't ever even bring up his name....argh. 

My divorce took a year and 8 months to finalize, and of course I was dating my now fiance at that point because I'd filed for divorce almost two years ago. A coworker said to me "You're dating someone and you're not even divorced yet? Better you than me, kiddo".  I just replied with a simple "yes, that is correct!" but I definitely let it get to me for a while and became paranoid that that's what everyone was thinking!

Laura  

sandrajean1023

I feel like I have to rationalize WHY I left my ex to everyone for some reason...when in reality I probably shouldn't ever even bring up his name....argh.

Yes, Laura!  I feel the same way!  Especially becaue FI and I are from NY and live in FL now, so most people weren't there for our previous marriages.  I hate the "well, how do you know it will work this time?" bit, too.