Second Weddings

Feeling funny about 2nd wedding.

Hi everyone! I'm new here, we just got engaged a week ago and I'm already dealing with comments from my family about what they think our wedding should be. This will be my fi first wedding and my 2nd. He really wants a big wedding, I feel a little funny about it. I've already asked all my friends and family to a wedding before, they have done bridal showers, and baby showers for me. I feel like it's asking a lot of them to do it again. But at the same time I love my fi and want him to have the wedding he has always wanted. Any ideas?

Re: Feeling funny about 2nd wedding.

  • LesPaulLesPaul member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Hi!  Welcome.

    The first thing to do is relax.  Plan the wedding you and FI want and can afford.  Don't worry what others think about it, or that they may have attended your first wedding.  Wear white, or not.  Wear a veil, or not.  Toss the bouquet, or not.  Invite 12 people or 200.  It is true that some of us 'seasoned' brides might tone down some of the traditional wedding activities (for example, I didn't have a bridal shower or bachelorette party, nor did we do the bouquet toss or garter toss), but there aren't any rules about what you can or cannot do.  Your family and friends know you, and will be happy for you and FI and will enjoy your ceremony and reception.  If you want to create a small registry to upgrade some household items, that's fine.

    Happy planning!
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    As a second time bride, you get the benefit of experience to truly plan the wedding you and your future husband want to have.  You get to pay, you get to make the decisions. 

    And, here's the most important part.  You must now perfect "the icy stare of death" so that when comments come your way, that you can shoot them down with just a look.  Since you have kids, you'll know that this is similar to the "warning look" that moms shoot to their kids when they're acting up to make them stop in their tracks. 

    When my sister (who, btw, has been married twice, and her current beau and she are talking about getting married) said to me: Well, you're not wearing WHITE are you?  I responded, in the sweetest voice ever:  Wow, sister, that sounded really harsh.  I'm sure you didn't mean that as mean as it sounded.  I haven't made a decision on the color of the dress yet, but I'm sure I won't get arrested if I wear white!"  

    It sort of aggravated me because I had been married 23 years earlier the first time, so it wasn't like I got married last year, and am marrying someone else this year.  ARGH.

    ETA: grammar error.  :-P  

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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Welcome to the board.  My advice would be to figure out (if you haven't already) why YOU feel "a little funny" about a big wedding.  From your post, it seems that the concerns stem from anticipated responses from family and friends.  If that's the case, handfast has your remedy (she is wise in that way). 

    I wonder, though, if you're just buying yourself some unnecessary, extra stress.  Have your family and friend been unsupportive as you divorced, began dating and since you have built this new relationship?  If so, I am sorry about that.  If not, then you may not be in store for the troubles you've anticipated.

    I wish you all the best.  We are planning (or have had) all types of weddings amoungst this group.  When you have some ideas, please come back to bounce them off of us.  Woo hoo!

    Oh ... wait.  Scroll down a few posts and, if you have time, would you please take a look at the "Intros, please" post and reply with your introduction.  Thank you, thank you!!
  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Coongratulations and welcome!!

    First set a budget then you know what you and your FI can realistically afford. Two remember that the rules for a second marriage are no different than a first - follow the rules of common etiquette and you will be fine.

    Have the wedding and reception of your dreams as along as you can realistically afford it.  No one should start a new marriage off in debt.

    If you have an issue with a vendor leave the store, you don't have to give them your money.  If a familly member is being less than supportive, the "icy stare of death" works along with stating clearly that what they said was hurtful and you are sure that didn't want to hurt your feelings. 

    If you get this question "Are you going to wear a wedding dress?" answer it with "yes, where else would I wear the silly thing?" 

    Above all remember to smile, be gracious and kindly but with cold eyes let people know when they are rude.
  • AbbeyS2011AbbeyS2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ditto all the PPs.  It is the first time the two of you are getting married, so it is your first wedding!  Do whatever you like, and phooey on the naysayers.

    If it is within your budget, then indulge your FI's wishes to have the big wedding.  It is his day as well as yours, and asking for his input and involvement can be a very positive thing for both of you.  There are alot of brides on here that wish their FIs would take some more interest in wedding planning. 


    Congrats and welcome to the board!
    Anniversary
  • mediaperuanamediaperuana member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    hi, i'm new to this board, but just wanted to chime in and say i often feel the same way--i've already done this, and i feel a bit guilty about doing it all again! but my FI has not, and he really wants a celebration with family and friends.

    someone recently reminded me of this--anyone who would begrudge you a celebration of your love and happiness is not someone you want to share your day with anyway. i try to keep this in mind as we plan!
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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Ditto, ditto, ditto and.......ditto!

    Plan the wedding you BOTH want and can afford. I've never been married, my fiance has been married twice before, but never had a big party with either one. We are planning a formal, elegant, and fun celebration with my family, friends and KIDS who have waited forever for me to find the right guy.

    Good luck. We look forward to hearing about what you decide, and your plans.

    And welcome!
  • edited December 2011

    congrats and welcome to the board! It's your FIRST marriage to HIM!!!

    Since you just got engaged, you need to give the family some time to process it.

    As the pp stated you can forgo things you don't want. Like a showers and the like.
    If someone offers a shower feel free to enjoy if you want to!

    We didn't have much of the cheesy wedding stuff. We did not do a garter or bouquet toss, we didn't have a father daughter dance, both dads deceased.

    I had no formal exit, no bubbles, rice, petals, flower girl, ring bearer, isle runner, no veil. Not because I am against it it just didn't look good with my gown.

    I did have a beautuful ceremony with 95 guests. Reception with plated dinner, cocktail hour, dancing and cake. I wore a gorgeous ivory over light gold lace gown and had a prof photog and videographer. It was a wonderful day and we all loved it.

    Give the family some time.... I got all the advice too.... we're Greek and everyone had an opinion. I have 2 sisters. One just rolled her eyes a lot when we talked about the wedding. The other was fully involved and on board. The other sister came around when it came time to choose the gown .... The family will come around, just stick to your guns about what you want. Don't share planning details with those who don't support you.

    In my case everyone came around in the end and we all had a wonderful time....

    Good Luck!

  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My second wedding was also my FI's first.  We had a small ceremony only because as a same-sex couple, we had to get married in Massachusetts, which was 8 hours away from our home.  However, we both wore ivory dresses and veils, had it in a synagogue, etc.  We then had a much larger reception back home for all our friends, which involved a live musician, dancing, an open bar, and a DIY photobooth.

  • edited December 2011
    Congrats and welcome!  Ditto to pp...  Do what you can afford and what you want.  Have fun!
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    Welcome. I have posted once or twice on here but am still kinda new myself. This will be both my and FI's second wedding. I agree with what everyone else is saying. Do it your way. You should feel special and amazing no matter what. Remember your wedding day is Your day.
  • luckyme502luckyme502 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Don't let people make you feel bad if you and FI want a big traditional wedding.  This is my H's first marriage and my second.  My grandmother didn't think we should have a big wedding, since it was my second, but we had one anyway.  She loved it and had a great time.  I did forgo all showers. 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_feeling-funny-2nd-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:563012da-a465-4008-be45-00f435b6d41ePost:3243a4e9-3107-48f8-89a5-2b061439bd50">Re: Feeling funny about 2nd wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]hi, i'm new to this board, but just wanted to chime in and say i often feel the same way--i've already done this, and i feel a bit guilty about doing it all again! but my FI has not, and he really wants a celebration with family and friends. someone recently reminded me of this--<strong>anyone who would begrudge you a celebration of your love and happiness is not someone you want to share your day with anyway. i try to keep this in mind as we plan!
    </strong>Posted by mediaperuana[/QUOTE]

    I agree with everything that has been said but I love this!

    My coworker has asked me if I feel weird having a second wedding and I never knew quite how to respond with anything else except that FI and I deserve to celebrate our love and happiness now that we have found it.
    Photobucket Anniversary
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