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Any other widows?

KnittibellKnittibell
1000 Comments
in Second Weddings
Hi, I'm new(ish) to the boards. I was married in 2004 to an amazing man, and lost him a year later when he was killed by an elderly driver. When he was killed I was 28 and he was 32. I am recently engaged now to a wonderful man, and have only just started planning. Just wondering if there are any other widows out there? It's a bit different from having been divorced and remarrying. Thanks.
Annie
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Re: Any other widows?

  • suzieharrissuzieharris
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Annie,  I am also a widow.  My first husband passed away in 2007 from a massive heart attack.  We had been married for 12 years, together for 14.  We have three children together.  The youngest was 4 when he passed.  Marty was 42.  I am now 42 and my FI is 33.  I know what you mean about planning things.  It is difficult!!!!
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Not a widow, but just wanted to know how sorry I am for your losses.  I can't imagine. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Not a widow either, but also wanted to say how incredibly sad...so young.
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  • beesha77beesha77 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow Annie! I was just going to post the exact same question if there were any other widows! My husband died in early '09 from brain cancer and i'm already serious with someone and most likely to be engaged soon. It's definitely different! I have 3 little boys aged 6, and twin 3-year olds. Congrats!

    --Kellie
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  • spajespaje
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    Sort of a lurker on this board... ... divorced, and the ex died a year later. (He died 10th of Nov. '09-oddly enough FI's birthday...)  We were married 11 yrs. have a 13 yr. old son.  A little different than y'alls but....

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  • jm121323jm121323 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Lost mine a year ago after 19 years of a difficult marriage.  We have 3 kids 5-15.  My son will be walking me down the aisle and all three kids are "giving me away".
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  • beesha77beesha77 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's so awesome JM! I love how people always have something to say to me when they find out i'm serious with someone. As if they know what it's like to not only lose a spouse but what my marriage was like beforehand. It doesn't matter when it happens someone is always questioning whether it's too soon or whether or not you will ever date again. Yell  Sorry, my bf and I aren't engaged yet. We just went looking the other day and i posted a i am new on the "not engaged yet" board. Just kind of frustrated knowing people don't understand.

    --Kellie
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  • KnittibellKnittibell
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hi, all- thanks so much for posting! We had planned to start a family when I turned 30, but didn't get that far- he was killed a year and a month after our wedding. I'm a little envious of the widows who had their loves for longer, had their children... it was the same in my widow group. Sigh. I am THRILLED for all of you finding love again. Life is short, you have to keep on living, and moving forward does not mean forgetting the lovely past.
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  • WINNIEPOLEYWINNIEPOLEY member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I lost my husband to cancer.  It was such a horrible time.  I am so blessed to have a second chance with another great man.  I understand how the planning and settling into life is so much different this time around.  I have a home and so he is moving in after the wedding and we want to make it different so he can feel like it is his place.  I also am struggling with my name and not wanting to get rid of it..I want to add his name behind my current one, but he is struggling with that...So lots of stuff to deal with.
    Happy planning and have a great wedding.
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  • frecklevalfreckleval
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm not a widow, but the guy I am dating is a widower. I am actually divorced. We've known each other almost 5 years and knew each other's first spouses. He's struggling with the love of his first wife and not expecting to meet someone great again after her death even though he had dated in between. I'm having the problem of the idea of walking down the aisle knowing that some of my guests will witness it for the 2nd time. But at the same time I do not want my wedding memories to be about my 1st husband. So I feel the need to celebrate and have something to mark the 'wedding' of my next husband. One day at a time, one issue at a time, smile!
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  • starsrock80starsrock80 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Married in 2002 and he died in Dec of 2007 from tons of complications with diabetes. (I was 27, he was 30) No children either, which is a blessing and heartbreaking. Met my now future-husband in April of 2008.  Too soon? Probably, but he was amazing paitent and still is. I just knew not to let him go. I live by two motos, No Love No Glory (no matter the timing, if you don't try you won't know) and Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can come together. All of our experiences in life help us get through the next day. We are given good and bad experiences to learn from and to spread the knowledge we have aquired, not to stop living. Thank our lost spouses for the knowledge and strength they have left us with. So live life and give your future spouses, children and yourselves all the focus and love everyone needs to get through these crazy days, because we all know how short life can be.
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  • KnittibellKnittibell
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So true! I think sometimes that people have seen me get married, and my mom thinks I shouldn't have a 'real' wedding because I already had one, even though my fi has not... but you know what? A wedding is about two people and the start of their lives as a married couple. Every wedding should be unique to each couple, and do what is right for you both.

    Winnie- am going to try and PM you!
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  • hccpsuhccpsu member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Not a widow, but I married a widower in October 2009.  His wife had died four years earlier at age 39 from a cardiopulmonary embolism; they didn't have children.

    For those of you that lost your husbands, my sincere sympathies.  I just can't imagine.  My mother told me years and years ago that in her experience the people that were the happiest in their marriage seemed to find someone more quickly, maybe because they had such good marriages they wanted to experience that again.

    Everyone that knew DH was SO happy for him, just as I know all your friends and family are for you.  Sometimes I think they were even happier than for his first marriage, simply because they'd seen what pain he'd been in.

    I know my husband won't ever forget his first wife, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't have insecurities sometimes about whether he's as happy with me as he was with her.  But I also know that part of the reason he's the man he is, is because of her, and for that I will always be grateful to her.

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  • KnittibellKnittibell
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_other-widows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:56681dfe-96b3-479b-94bc-59505fbdf8b9Post:4a65cf5f-526c-4b9a-bb1d-a41ea1017a95">Re: Any other widows?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know my husband won't ever forget his first wife, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't have insecurities sometimes about whether he's as happy with me as he was with her.  But I also know that part of the reason he's the man he is, is because of her, and for that I will always be grateful to her.
    Posted by hccpsu[/QUOTE]


    That is EXACTLY the right attitude to take. I will always, always love my late husband. I also will always love my fiance- I think it must be the way people love their kids- equally, but certain things are special in each relationship. It's apples and oranges. I never compare the two, because it's not fair to either of them. They both have strengths I admire them for, and little idiosyncrasies that make me smile. I will love and miss my late husband until the day I die. Same goes for my FI (without any missing, PLEASE!). 

    I have a tremendous amount of respect and admiration for people who are strong enough to love a widow/er- we bring more baggage to the table. Fi is a big guy and I joke he needs to be because of my baggage. I also joke that he can never die on me, because I am now out of ring fingers. I do mention my late husband a lot, because I didn't just lose my husband, I lost my best friend.  In all seriousness though, I do think your Fiance is just as happy with you as he was with his late wife- just probably in different ways- and this is a good thing- you wouldn't feel right if he just went out and found a 'replacement'

    Does that make sense? Congratulations!
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  • dstaubdstaub
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was widowed unexpectedly in 2007, after 11 years of marriage, and no children. I'm getting married in September (only 1 month!). I'm so blessed to have found someone who is patient and accepts my particular "baggage." He doesn't always understand...but he accepts...and that's half of it right there.
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