Second Weddings

His family dosen't " approve "

I am 129 days from my wedding day and I just found out that my fiance's family has just told him that they think that he shouldn't get married again and that they don't think that I really make him happy, how do I face that? Both his sisters are in my bridal party and both have addressed this issue with him...they also feel that because we are paying everything ourselves that our children are going with out. I am seriously about to have a is trully hindering my enjoyment of planning a wedding that no one supports. What should I do?

Re: His family dosen't " approve "

  • If you haven't already, talk to your FI about this.  Is it the marriage they are against or the wedding itself?  This is something you and your FI must sit down and talk about openly and honestly before anything else is discussed with anyone else. 
  • Isn't that interesting that he thought it was a good idea to share that thought with you?  Did you ask him how he responded to that? 

    You cannot control other people's opinions.  You can only control your response to it.  Only you two know if this is the right thing to do.  And only you two know what your finances are, and how your chidren are provided for.  Frankly, it's none of their business, so I am quite sure they can continue to speculate & comment, but if you are not giving them any information, that is all they can do. 

    Unless you or he are questioning this marriage, just hold your head high and move forward.  ~Donna
  • Okay, first things first ... take a deep breath, close your eyes and relax.  I understand its rough to learn that future in-laws aren't so warm and fuzzy about the upcoming wedding.  Honestly, though, they won't be in the marriage so don't let their baggage ruin your happiness.  They certainly should not have the power to drive you to a breakdown.

    One good thing about getting older is that other people's opinions tend to carry less weight with us today than when we were younger.  As long as your FI stands by your side -- standing up to his family -- I think you'll be alright.

    Good luck!
  • My FI had a pretty messy divorce from his first wife and expressed early on to his family in the midst of the divorce before I was in the pic that he didn't think he could get married again, knowing this I sat him down when he first mentioned getting married to express that he dosen't "have to " merry me to keep me in his life and that I didn"t "need" to be married to him to be with him, he looked me in the eye and said he wanted the day with me and that this would be the real merriage he always wanted. So, when he actually proposed and we started speaking of details I mentioned just going to the Justice of the Peace....HE wanted the day. All in all, my biggest supporters in all of this have turned on me it seems and the thing that really hurts is that the one person that has seemed to support me in the whole thing has jumped on the ban wagon!
  • My FI informed me of all this due to the fact that one of his family members ( who is a brides maid )  contacted me expressing some "concerns" about the wedding and how no one was taking it seriously and that we were being selfish. My FI went to their home to confront them because he was absolutely furious and that's when they expressed their concerns over him getting married again and if he is trully happy with me...all in all we are both so very happy with our lives together and he has cleared the air as have I, but in the same sense I have discussed with him that I am still very hurt and pissed that this has come to light and thusly will never probably forget it.
  • I'm in a similar situation.  My FI's divorce has been very ugly and his ex has done everything in her power to turn his grown children against him so much so that the only one who still talks to him is his daughter.  She went so far as to show up on my front doorstep and scream obscenities in front of my children and entire neighborhood.  His parents like me and my children and haven't been ugly, but the "are you really happy" question has come up many times as they were married very young (15) and married for 30+ years so this has been a big change for his entire family.  I still get the cold shoulder from 2 of his SILs and his sons will more than likely not attend the wedding.  He has made it clear to his family that they shouldn't be ugly at all to his ex and they should continue to view her as family.

    I'm adopted and my siblings all sided with my ex a couple of years ago during his failed attempt to get custody after we'd already been divorced for 4 years.  It's amazing what happens to a man when we gets remarried.  He now hasn't even seen his kids in over 2 years and flat out told the judge that he won't see them because it jeapordizes his relationship with his new wife.  Anyway, despite me telling them that they could still see the kids when they wanted to, they haven't.

    It's all very sad and frustrating, but it doesn't mean it has to ruin everything.  You both deserve to be happy and it is your life, not theirs.  I don't agree with everything my family does, but I've never shunned them because of it.  If they make that decision, it's on them and not on you.  It does make it hard and I wish things could be different, but all you can do is what is right for you.
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  • I'm in a similar situation too.  My FI divorce was ugly to say the least and his ex-wife has done everything she can to turn the kids against him, even though they are now adults.  It is unlikely any of them will be at the wedding, an two have broken off all contact with him and don't even know he is getting married.  

    His sister likes me and is very happy for us.  He lost his parents a number of years ago.  

    I just don't understand why some people have to have everybody on their "side" in a divorce situation.  It is so sad that when two people no longer get along they have to rip the kids apart as well, even if they are grown.  It has been really hard on FI too.  

    He moved out of his home state to be with me, so now he will have hardly anybody on his side of the guest list and seems fine with it, but I wish it were different for him. 
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