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Stupid Groomsmen!!!(rant)

dravensbabydravensbaby
Third Anniversary 10 Comments
in Second Weddings
So this is my 2nd wedding. FH's 1st. A couple weeks ago he calls a high school friend and asks him to be a groomsman. The convo is pretty short, but they make plans to hang out a week later. So yay things are working out. It is very important to FH for this person to be a groomsman. And then he comes home after they meet for drinks. Turns out "catching up" means playing 20 questions about me and how I am divorced and I have three kids with my XH...blah blah blah!!!!! I hate that I have been so nice to this "friend" at this point!! Some people should just be shot!!! I am sorry but I am going thru all of the stupid wedding crap for his sake. He better keep his stupid friends in line!!!
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Re: Stupid Groomsmen!!!(rant)

  • Donna RoyDonna Roy
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_stupid-groomsmenrant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:5cd88ccf-6fa3-439c-9fe5-ded2a19d32c7Post:61340205-ebee-4329-ad30-932db7f5ad4a">Stupid Groomsmen!!!(rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]So this is my 2nd wedding. FH's 1st. A couple weeks ago he calls a high school friend and asks him to be a groomsman. The convo is pretty short, but they make plans to hang out a week later. So yay things are working out. It is very important to FH for this person to be a groomsman. And then he comes home after they meet for drinks. Turns out "catching up" means playing 20 questions about me and how I am divorced and I have three kids with my XH...blah blah blah!!!!! I hate that I have been so nice to this "friend" at this point!! Some people should just be shot!!! I am sorry but I am going thru all of the stupid wedding crap for his sake. He better keep his stupid friends in line!!!
    Posted by dravensbaby[/QUOTE]
    So I have questions.

    Fi hadn't had an earlier opportunity to tell this guy all about you before?  Like when you first started dating?
    Fi goes to this catch up session and answers all the questions?  And then sees fit to come home to you and tell you all this?  Because if he didn't think the questions were appropriate, he should have just told his friend so.  And if he didn't think the questions were appropriate, but stayed and answered them, why would he then come home and TELL you?  To tick you off?  To set your hair on fire? 
    Or did Fi see nothing wrong with it?  Because frankly, if one of my old friends called me out of the blue to be in a wedding party, we hadn't seen each other in a while, and said friend was marrying someone divorced with three kids, that's exactly the kinds of questions I would be asking-- not judging, just trying to get the low down. 
    From what you wrote, I cannot fathom what you are upset about, nor what you think the friend should be shot for.
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  • lindaloulubbocklindaloulubbock
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ditto, PP.

    I would expect that in the beginning FIs friends asked a lot of questions about me being divorced and having two young children.  I wouldn't take that badly, I'd take that as a sign of being a caring friend.  
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Holy Over reaction! Thrittoe PP's.......what's the big deal?  And why is he stupid and needs to be shot.....for asking questions?
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  • dravensbabydravensbaby
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Maybe I was not super clear here. I have met this person, had dinner with him and his family multiple times. He is always super nice to my face. When we called to tell him we were engaged and ask him to be in the wedding party he was all "thats soooo great, congrats I am happy for you" Then when I am not around its a whole differant story.

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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Sorry, still don't get it.  According to your first post, he asked your FI questions about you.  Did he insult you?  Did he suggest that you are hiding something from your FI, that you're in a Witness Protection Program, that you're not who you say you are?  Just not understanding what is so shooting-worthy over questions one friend may ask another.

    There's more to the story here and if you don't want to divulge, then all we can go on is what you DO divulge and so far I see nothing.
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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    And what exactly was your Fi's purpose in telling you this???  He had a choice to participate or not-- if he chooses to participate, and then comes home and says, "hoo boy, billy bob was asking me why you got divorced, how come you have kids, why  I'm making this big mistake, and why your hair is always so blue.  I can't wait for him to be standing there with me on our wedding day"  -- well, he's either trying to start trouble, or not quite spiffy enough to tell billy bob to STFU.
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, you don't have a groomsman problem, you have a FI problem.  He shouldn't have engaged in the questions, but once he did, he should not have relayed that information to you. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_stupid-groomsmenrant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:5cd88ccf-6fa3-439c-9fe5-ded2a19d32c7Post:61340205-ebee-4329-ad30-932db7f5ad4a">Stupid Groomsmen!!!(rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]So this is my 2nd wedding. FH's 1st. A couple weeks ago he calls a high school friend and asks him to be a groomsman. The convo is pretty short, but they make plans to hang out a week later. So yay things are working out. It is very important to FH for this person to be a groomsman. And then he comes home after they meet for drinks. Turns out "catching up" means playing 20 questions about me and how I am divorced and I have three kids with my XH...blah blah blah!!!!! I hate that I have been so nice to this "friend" at this point!! Some people should just be shot!!! I am sorry but I am going thru all of the stupid wedding crap for his sake. <strong>He better keep his stupid friends in line!!!
    </strong>Posted by dravensbaby[/QUOTE]

    So there's more stupid friends?  Will you be shooting them all?
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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_stupid-groomsmenrant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:5cd88ccf-6fa3-439c-9fe5-ded2a19d32c7Post:f1be5e0b-099c-4481-827e-79127ed3af13">Re: Stupid Groomsmen!!!(rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Stupid Groomsmen!!!(rant) : So there's more stupid friends?  Will you be shooting them all?
    Posted by Marrin713[/QUOTE]

    I can't imagine why his friends would question him marrying you.  
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yeh, H's friends first question was "is she a homicidal maniac?" ;)
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  • soon to be mrs phamsoon to be mrs pham member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So if fi has had said friend over several times why has said friend not asked before? Also are you sure it wasnt something like so tell me about so and so does she have kids? was she married? are her eyes blue? that kind of stuff?                                                                                                                                               I know we are all sensitive about this not being our first marriage and comments that are made but in this case It does not seem like any ill will was meant. 
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I would expect my FI's friends to ask a zillion questions.  He's been down this road before and it's only natural to want a friend to think through stuff -- from a different perspective -- before taking the plunge again.  I don't think it is disingenuous to socialize with you but still have questions to ask FI in private.  This is one of the things that defines friendship.
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