Changing the name....

JillianNJohn

For personal reasons we put my maiden name on the invitations. All guests know me by that name in some shape or form. Etiquette be darned it was a decision I felt strongly about. I did not want my first husbands last name on the invitations to my 2nd husband. (We tried first/middle but it was weird bc he has 2 short names and I have 3 long names).

The only reason I kept my married name was bc I have 3 small children from my first marriage (my youngest is only 5).

My question is... How do I change my name again?? I'm so lost. Is there any way to change it before the wedding so its over and done???? Might sound kinda lame but I'm saving my paid time off and using nearly all of it for the wedding/honeymoon. I need to order new checks and a new drivers license bc we moved. I hate the idea of doing all this and then doing it all over again after we are legally married. I don't even know where to begin on changing it.

handfast4me

This will vary by your state, but unless it's due to a marriage, most states have laws for changing your name.  For example, in Mass, if it's just a change (my ex changed his before we got married to the original, pre-anglicized spelling of his last name) you have to make a court appearance--sometimes that's waived. In some states, you have to publish in the paper, etc., but sometimes that's waived too.  If you have any kind of a criminal record, be prepared to do a court appearance.  Getting married and changing it is an entirely different thing, though, and that will most likely be easier and less time consuming, as you'll still have to go to the SS office, etc.    

Just google Name Change with your state residence and tons of info should come up. 

And once again, my decision to keep my birth name, through both marriages, seems like the best way to go!!!   

Jells2dot0

Agree with pp. It varies by state. I wanted to change back to my maiden name after my divorce, but I didn't check one box on my decree, so I couldn't use the decree to change the name. I could, however, go to the court, apply for a name change, and pay $400 and attend a hearing. You have to have a good reason as well. If you have children, you have to serve your ex with papers saying you are changing your name. This is all in Arizona, BTW.

mandi195

In WI it's the same. If you don't change with the marriage, it's very expensive, has to be in the paper for 3 weeks, and you have to go to court. It's a mess.

Lisa50

How do I change my name again??

Why are you changing your name again?  If it is important that you and your children have the same last name, does that mean you're changing their last names as well?  Is your plan to revert to your maiden name ... or change to your fiance's last name?  I am confused.

Stick with the name you have.  I've never understood changing one's last name upon marriage.  I don't understand what's motivating your move now.  Yup, I'm lost.

I agree with PP, though, go to your local courthouse and follow the guidelines for changing your name in your jurisdiction.  People do it every day; it can't be that hard.  Good luck!

handfast4me

This is pretty much exactly what I was thinking, Lisa, and what I answered in another post.  I have never understood the changing the name thing.  And if the man insists on it, he has issues.  If the woman wants it, well, yeah, maybe she has no historic perspective of it.  That's the only thing I can think of to justify it.  

My daughter, my ex, and I all had different last names.  You know what?  No one gave a HOOT.  Not a ONE.  No one ever said to me 'wow, are you REALLY her mom?" because our names weren't exactly the same.  In my circle, change your name, especially hyphenating it, is passe.  I'm well into my 50s and all the women my age and a bit older never changed them when they got married.  It's only the younger women who seem to want this, because, again, they don't seem to know the history.  My daughter did change hers when she got married, but she moved her last name to her middle, and uses her full name (not hyphenated) on legal documents, and when introducing herself.  

JillianNJohn

Let me clarify. I changed my name the first time I got married. Upon divorce I kept my ex husbands name (its my last name now). I did not revert back to my maiden name upon divorce bc of my children. At the time I felt that was the right thing to do. While still young they are fully on board with mom getting remarried and know it means I will change my name to my FIs last name. I was brought up that you carry your husbands name and its important to me. FI and I had this discussion and he told me it was up to me. I want to carry my husbands name. I just can't even remember what I did the first time I was married to change it all. I just remember it not being done until just before my first child was born (7 mos after I got married).

Jells2dot0

When you get married and receive your marriage certificate, go to the local social security office with your cert and have them change your name on your SS card. Then, from there, you can take your SS card and cert to the DMV/MVD whatever your state calls it, and change your license. If you work, you can just talk to someone with HR to get your name chanegd at work. It will be a different process for everyone depending on their situation, but starting with the SS office is the best step.