3rd Marriage for both of us..... HELP!

imadeangirl

This is both mine and my fiances 3rd marriage! He is considerably older than me (45, im 28) but i feel like before him, i hadnt even the slightest clue what love is when i thought i did. We are so very much in love. That being said, i dont know how to go about planning our wedding. We both have big jobs and it would be an insult not to invite certain people and weve kept the guest list down to 160 that we are not making changes to. we booked a reception site in manhattan and were getting married at the brooklyn botanical garden. But i dont know whether i should let my assistants throw me a bridal shower (they have been planning on thier own since i told them about my engagment) or if i should let my mom throw us an engamement party (which she has also been dying to do) or what the protocall is for this. i feel wierd having 4 bridesmaids even! can somebody help or give me advice? thanks

2dBride

The etiquette for those things for a third marriage is the same as that for a first:  You never ask people to throw you a party, but you are free to accept if they ask.

LesPaul

Well, congratulations!.  Welcome to the board - the 2nd weddings board doesn't move as fast as some of the others, but you will get good advice from the ladies here.  If your parents and friends want to throw you showers and/or an engagement party, then enjoy, but as 2dBride said, don't throw your own.  Go with what you want to do - large wedding or small, wear white or not, large WP or none.  There aren't any 'rules', and many of the wedding traditions are outdated for all brides.  Enjoy the planning, and make it an event that suits you and your FI and families.

AdelphiTN

sounds like everyone around you is very excited for this wedding - and that's wonderful!

the motto here is - do what you want, nothing more, nothing less. Your friends or assistants could certainly throw you a shower, and your mother could certainly throw you an engagement party. but only if you feel comfortable accepting these things.

Personally, i'm up for any party anyone wants to throw... i just don't want any gifts. That's the line in the sand that has worked for me.

imadeangirl

AdelphiTN, i definatley agree on the gifts part. i havent registered anywhere and am not accepting money or gifts from anyone! to me thats a little tacky 3rd time around.

The thing is that i would feel comfortable to let my assistants and mother throw me a party but i worry what my over-judgmental fathers side of the family might think about my mother throwing an engagement party, or some of my work colleagues that have known me for some time may think about another wedding invite. that is what i am overly self conscience about. My FI wants us to have a beautiful, elegant (sometimes overly lavish) wedding which includes many mutual friends that i have known when i had been married the 2nd time around and i guess its a little embarrassing! haha thats what i need to overcome. 

Sue-n-Kevin

Yes, you need to overcome the embarrassment, but that's about it. Whatever type of wedding you want, or whatever parties others offer to throw you is up to them.

This is my first wedding, but my fiance's third. I have not heard one judgmental thing from anyone in his family. He's struggling to think of ONE person to invite from his job, I'm inviting all my coworkers. Like you, we are not registering for anything because we have too much "stuff" now!

People will be generous with praise as well as criticism, it depends on how they were raised. Just go about your happy business and let it roll off your back. We choose our friends, not our family, and if you are happy, that is all that matters

Good luck and welcome.

arv266

Imadeangirl,
I understand how you feel!  When we first announced our wedding plans to my family I was worried that there reaction would be "oh, AGAIN?" and I kept all of my plans very simple and low key.  When I went home for a visit, I realized that all of those notions were in my head, but not the reality.  It sounds like you already have a full support group who are very excited for the two of you!    Have a great time planning your wedding and congratulations

imadeangirl

wow the people on this board are much nicer than the people on the etiquette board! haha. yes i do have a lot of friends that support our decision as well as my 3 children and my FI's teenage son. Thank you so much for your input

thealphabride

Congrats and welcome to the board. Yea, things get a bit rough over there lots of cyber bullies. Stay away from there.You are however very welcome here to chat about family issues, ex issues, kid issues, job issues or any kind of issues we all face as multi timers. 
 
So, what's the gown look like?

imadeangirl

Thank you! and i was looking for a board where i could talk about blending families as well. My FI has a 16 year old son, and i have 3 toddler age children! haha.

My gown is the one on my profile. i was surprised they had it on this site! theres a lot of rescources on the knot!

idahonikki

I definitely feel your pain!  This is my fiance's 3rd marriage and will be my 4th.  We were school sweethearts and have found our way back to each other again after 25 years - we are both 41.  We have older children and they are all thrilled we are together!!  So are our friends.  I too went to the "etiquette" and "ceremony idea" boards for advice and was drawn over coals there for ideas and thoughts.  His family doesn't like me and yet they were the ones that told him all his life he should've stayed with me!!  LOL!  Now that we are together they don't like it.  We too are struggling with what kind of wedding to have without being tacky and yet being happy ourselves.  I have struggled daily with that trying to do what we want and not be inappropriate.  What I have decided to do, is what we want to do and forget about everyone else.  This isn't their day, it's ours, it's YOURS.  We aren't doing gifts or inviting lots of people, just having something small and private.  However, stick with the advice on here and do what you want to do for YOUR DAY.  Remember this saying, "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"!!!!

imadeangirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_3rd-marriage-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:61ca9aee-6c03-403b-9c9d-4b5c3ca178d6Post:d80140f4-8c2f-4452-ae85-54e1e0cf1c71">Re: 3rd Marriage for both of us..... HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]I definitely feel your pain!  This is my fiance's 3rd marriage and will be my 4th.  We were school sweethearts and have found our way back to each other again after 25 years - we are both 41.  We have older children and they are all thrilled we are together!!  So are our friends.  I too went to the "etiquette" and "ceremony idea" boards for advice and was drawn over coals there for ideas and thoughts.  His family doesn't like me and yet they were the ones that told him all his life he should've stayed with me!!  LOL!  Now that we are together they don't like it.  We too are struggling with what kind of wedding to have without being tacky and yet being happy ourselves.  I have struggled daily with that trying to do what we want and not be inappropriate.  What I have decided to do, is what we want to do and forget about everyone else.  This isn't their day, it's ours, it's YOURS.  We aren't doing gifts or inviting lots of people, just having something small and private.  However, stick with the advice on here and do what you want to do for YOUR DAY.  Remember this saying, "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"!!!!
Posted by idahonikki[/QUOTE]

Yes, my Fi and i decided to have a small party with just the wedding party and a couple of our closest friends. so there was only about 12 people there in all.
it was fun, we didnt need any more and it was just the frined that we love and care about the most. My fi still got to have his party and recognition and fun and i still kept my dignity.
I took it as a true (pre) test to our marriage that we were able to comprimise so beautifuly and both get what we needed. :)