Bridal Shower Vent (long. Thanks for bearing with me)

daynalyntroy

During planning of my first wedding (I use the word "my" loosely because I didn't have much say in anything.  My parents had a wedding.  I had a marriage), I never got a bridal shower so I was beyond thrilled and grateful that my sisters threw me one today.  It was absolutely lovely and I loved having girl time with my nearest and dearest ladies getting excited about this wedding (which is truly FI's and mine and we're both downright giddy). 
The only element that took the shine off the whole day was my aunt and her inability to keep her mouth shut.  I don't know if it was the sangria talking, but she would not stop about this being my second wedding, brought up the first wedding several times and took unneccesary jabs at me and at the way we're planning this wedding (ie, serving beer, wine, champagne and non-alkies, but not hard liquor and for having a destination wedding in a town 3 hours drive away from her house which can also be reached by plane if a road trip wasn't in the cards).  It took everything in me to just walk away and not bust out a can of bridezilla on her every time she made a comment.
The kicker about this is that FI's and my immediates and some of our close friends are invited, but my extended family on my mom's side is the only extended family even invited because they're local and we see them all the time.  FI is only in contact w/his immediates and hasn't spoken to his extendeds in over 20 years, so they're not invited, my dad's side is all in Canada and I haven't seen any of them in over 10 years, so they aren't coming either.  The ONLY invited guests who are giving me ANY grief about ANYTHING are my extended family; my cousin, who only had a minor hissy fit about something silly, but seems to have gotten over it and my aunt who will not stop.
 My mother, bless her heart, pulled me aside after I walked away from obnoxious comment #37 and said, "Don't worry honey, I'll have a chat with her".  That's comforting, but now I'm worried.  If she couldn't STFU about wedding/marriage #1 at a party thrown in celebration of the one we're starting now, what's to stop her from going off at the wedding in May?  Ugh!  Thanks for letting me vent, ladies.

Sue-n-Kevin

Sorry you had to endure that. Sounds awful.

In my opinion, your Mom needs to be really firm with your aunt. It has to be more than STFU. Your Mom's words should be something to the effect "This is my daughter, and we are overjoyed that she has found the right person to spend her life with. If you cannot keep your comments to yourself, we'd prefer you not attend the wedding".

Good luck.

right1thistime

Depends how much she matters to you.  Because if her caustic attitude is going up one side of you spine and down the other- you could rid yourself of the toxicity.  But if cutting her off would hurt your mom, and you care more about that, then the best you can do is to shame her.
So - option #1 - call her and say Aunty Biotch?  Hi, its Daynalyn Troy (I really HOPE that's not your real name- too open for the internet) your loving neice.  You know, at my shower, you made some really hurtful and nasty comments about me getting married again.  I was surprised and frankly appalled at how mean you were.  But you are right about one thing- this IS my second wedding.  And the theme for a second wedding is to not invite anyone who cannot find it in their heart to be truly happy for you.  I had no idea you felt the way you do, and certainly would never have invited you had I known that you did.  Please consider this your opportunity to decline the invitation-- it would be hypocritical and disrespectful of you to attend feeling the way you do.  I would NEVER place you in that position, now that I know how you feel.

Option #2 - if and when she says anything else, say "I'm really surprised you agreed to attend this wedding considering how negative you feel about it.  I would have understood if you had declined, and that may have been more comfortable for both of us.  I certainly hope you can control your ill will for the rest of the event, or leave if you can't."   or if that's too much, just the icy stare of death followed by the "what a horrid thing to say to me on such a happy occasion- you couldn't possibly mean that as nasty as it comes across" with a brisk turn and subsequent total ignore.  ~Donna

michelleg913

I feel for you, you are lucky however that your Mother is there to hopefully rein her in.

You are going to have a great wedding, don't let what anyone else says ruin it for you

Cheers!!

JanaJohnson2

Hon, I'm so sorry you had such an experience. However, welcome to the wonderful world of weddings. For some reason, it brings out the worse in people.

As they say, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family.

I would leave it to your mother to reign her in. If you get involved, you're going to lose it and probably make things worse.

If you try to uninvite her, you will be causing the rest of your family to take sides. Resist the urge.

Your mother is a wise lady and realized what your aunt was doing and promised to talk to her.

Chances are you won't see your aunt again until the wedding and by then Mr. Right will be yours and who cares what she says - sangria or not.

Every family has one and fi you look at her as some sort of character and silently laugh to yourself, you'll stop taking it so personally.

Your other options are that when she starts prattling on you can:

A) Pinch her (lightly) on the cheek as you would a child, and say, "You're so darn adorable when you when you get so worked up over such a silly thing," and then chuckle and walk away. She'll look like the dummy (and trust me, she already appeared rude and everyone else knew it) and you will come off like the lady you are.

If she starts venting that it's not an open bar, you can say, "Aunt X, I didn't know that it meant so much to you. Tell me what you want to drink and I'll bring you a flask." If you say it with your tongue firmly planted in cheek, she'll get the idea and shut up. And, again, you've come across like an adult and she's coming off like a spoiled child.

In the long run, just let her prattle. It's all hot air.

You've found a great guy and you have a second chance at forever, and that's what you should be thinking about and not some silly relative that you only see a couple of times a year.

Much happiness!

http://bridal-bag.com/clutch-handbags.php

Jana Johnson
Associate
Bridal-bags.com

daynalyntroy

Thank you ladies so much for all the great advice.  I think I'll leave it to my mom to run interference and do my darndest not to take my aunt's obnoxious comments personally. At the end of the day, this is my wedding and it would be a waste to empower her to ruin any part of it with silly behavior on her part..  I appreciate everyone helping me keep perspective.

handfast4me

Hi there! Sorry I'm late to the party on this--I've been off the internet due to a family thing.  Anyway, I'm glad you're trying to keep it in perspective, it's the best way to handle it.  Do perfect the Icy Stare of Death, though, for future reference (and to keep kids in line, if you have or are planning on having them :-) 

I also wanted to say how beautiful you are!  Your fi is a lucky guy, we will definitely be looking for the pics after your event is over.

Marrin713

Yes. let your mother run interference for you.  She's probably best equipped to deal with her. 

daynalyntroy

Handfast, what an incredibly sweet thing to say!  You totally just made my day!

deepcovejackie

I'm late to the party too, but I just wanted to say "ugh" for you.  Crapsville to be dealing with that.  Hopefully your mom can rein her in.  You'll probably be having such a great day that it won't be even noticeable that she's there.

If it does start up I like the idea of  "Gee, Auntie X, I'm surprised that you would say something so negative on my wedding day".  She deserves it, and I think she'll get the hint.

Good luck!

pamila51510

That is crazy I have nothing more to add but just remember that it is your day and you deserve this celebration. You are beautiful and he is incredibly lucky I agree with the pp! Cheers!

daynalyntroy

Beautiful ladies calling me beautiful is one of the highest compliments ever.  Thanks, girls!  Hugs and happy wishes to you!

FUTUREMRSKARPUS

I agree with the poster who said you're mom needs to be firm!!!! I'm in a similar boat, I was married in 2006 and it was what I call my celeb marriage it was over before our 2nd anniversary. Now I'm divorced and getting married next fall to the man of my dreams, and people keep taking stabs at me... I told them all to take a hike!

thealphabride

FUTURE MRSKARPUS: GOOD FOR YOU!!!

And dyanalyn, congrats, you look very happy, and I wish you the best of luck!!!!!

Hopefully the very rude aunt will keep her grocery hole shut.

CandyGirlSparks

I'm a Southern girl, and the perfect response where I come from is always "Didn't I tell you to wait in the truck?"