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Including children in vows?

kdswedding2011kdswedding2011
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in Second Weddings
This is both our second marriage.  I have two girls who will be ages 12 and 15 at the time of the wedding and he has three ages 12 (twins) and 3.  My girls will be at the wedding as Junior/Bride Maids and his will not be there (due to ex-wife issues).  I have been reading wedding party ideas and came across a few that included special wedding vows the couple says to their new step-children about their vow to support, encourage and nurture them.  I think it's a neat idea. My question is, since his kids won't be there  can I still do vows to his kids like he can to mine?

Or is it proper to include it into our vows to eachother?

Not sure if I will do this so it's just an idea.  What do you think?

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Re: Including children in vows?

  • mybooboosmybooboos member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations on your engagement and wedding plans...and welcome to the boards!!
     
    I'm so sorry that all the children will not be present for your wedding.  In my opinion, your wedding vows and ceremony is a process that bridges the union between YOU and your FI.  Your children can be a part of the celebration, but the focus should be on you and your FI becoming a union.  At the end of your ceremony, you could have the kids walk out with you, demonstrating that ceremony before was for you, and the end result was that it brought you all together as a family.

    In the end, you need to do what you and you FI feel is best for you and your merging family.  Saying vows to children that are not present, may bring more attention to the fact that they are not there, instead of to the act itself.

    Good luck!
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Too bad about his kids not being able to be there.  That sucks. :(

    IMO, wedding vows should remain strictly betw you and him.  I get that families are merging, but maybe that part would be best left for another time.  Maybe the next time he has his kids for a week end, do a quick family trip - something that will be meaningful for all of you.
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    My future step-duaghter is 17 and will be 18 a few short days after our wedding.  We are not doing vows - because those are between her dad and me.

    We will be exiting the ceremony site together, and will have a sand ceremony (FI and daughter's wish).
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  • kdswedding2011kdswedding2011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Those are good points and like I said, it was just an idea because of things I read. Thanks gals.
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  • AbbeyS2011AbbeyS2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Congrats and welcome to the board!

    Ditto PPs - vows should be between the two of you. 
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  • kdswedding2011kdswedding2011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks. I've decided to take everyones advice.
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  • CherylnChadCherylnChad member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I was searching for this exact topic on the boards and happened to read all these posts. I originally thought I wanted 'vows' with the step children as well, but after reading, I think that I have changed my view. We were going to do our vows as a couple then have them come forward and do a small additional part. I may talk it over with my 10-yr old future step daughter to get her thoughts. Thanks for the insight!!  Congratulations to all of you!

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