First time I'm really stressing....

Erin McCormack

Hope you ladies don't mind, but, I knew you ladies would understand.  I haven't really stressed about much re: the wedding until now.  We're having a small wedding of about 60, mostly friends and family.  I have a little over a week before my responses are due back and I've gotten only 6 back so far.  We've calculated all those that we know are definetly going even though we didn't get the cards back and there's still about 14 that might be no shows.  My one friend's husband will be away and she doesn't want to go alone, my neighbor told our girls that shes supposed to be doing something with her sister in law and didn't know, yet when we talked to her husband the other day, he said that he doesnt know if he'll make it, he's thinking of going to Fla.  Another friends husband yesterday was telling me that he finally got a weekend off which he never gets, so I thinking that's another one off the list.  And the rest, we have no idea. I've been to all of their weddings, parties etc. and I just have a feeling they'll all have some excuse of why they cant attend. 

It's just disappointing in the fact that these are people that I thought would want to be there since they knew what hell the kids and I have been through.  I thought they'd want to see us come full circle but, I guess not.  I though that by sending the save the dates out it would give everybody enough time and notice to make arrangements and it seems that it really doesn't matter as much as I thought it would.  It just seems that everyone is so caught up in their lives that people arent as important.  

So now we're looking at possibly only 5 tables and 43 people.  Hopefully this next week will be better, I'm going to hope for the best and we'll see what happens.  At least I know whatever happens, the people that mean the most to us will be there.  And in the end I'm still marrying the love of my life. 

Thanks for listening...

Erin

Sue-n-Kevin

Aw Erin, sorry to hear you are not getting a lot of replies back. Based on all the posts I've seen on the Knot, brides generally get a 20% no-show rate for first weddings, with larger guest lists. The declination rate might be higher for subsequent weddings because the people being invited are older, with more responsibilities, plus, the economy sucks and they may not want to attend with a much smaller gift than they'd feel comfortable providing under different circumstances.

I believe it's nothing personal for any bride, whether first or subsequent wedding. They are not "de-friending" you on Facebook, they just can't make it to your wedding. I'm sure they are happy that you will be happier, and have a great husband.

If you end up with money left over because your guest count is smaller, (and there is still time for the late-responders, as I've seen many brides have to call people to get their answers!), add something to the food or beverage you are providing your guests (an extra appetizer, a cookie or dessert bar), or save the extra money for your honeymoon. Don't look at it as a negative, but as finding extra money in the sofa and being able to enhance the experience for yourselves or your other guests.

Good luck. I hope you feel better.

mma3

RSVP's are truly the worst.  Before I planned my wedding, I always made sure I called or returned them.  I noticed today many people don't.  I agree with Sue-I don't think that it is not because they don't want to support you.  Either enhance the wedding with saved money or tuck it away for a special family outing

Lisa50

I'm so sorry to hear that you're not getting responses in as quickly as you'd like.  I understand how you feel ... but your deadline has yet to arrive.  Take deep breaths and try not to worry too much about it.  A lot of people tend to keep the response date in their heads, so may not even put it in the mail until a day or two (or three plus) after your deadline.

That said, you will likely have a smaller event than planned (I'm in the same boat), but that might not be bad.  Here's the way I'm looking at it (as background, we're inviting about 60 also) -- we want this to be an intimate, fun celebration.  Really, we see it almost like a big dinner party with nice clothes, FI's favorite cake and a DJ for lots of dancing.

Perhaps if you adopt a similar outlook (if it can work for you), and shift your perspective to those who are able to attend rather than those who cannot, you'll feel a bit more optimistic.  You will have a great time, I'm sure.

Relax and enjoy!

right1thistime

You usually get a flurry of responses just before the deadline, and just after it.  And then there's the slackers who you have to call. 
We invited 80, 65 attended.  Our min was 70, so we bought 5 more dinners than we had guests - which ROCKED (things happen for a reason)- as we fed a number of people the day after the wedding without having to cook. 

We were actually happy to have a smaller intimate group.  We spent time with people, danced with them, had actual conversations (not just the table hoppin') and had the chance to say goodbye to each of them. 

You won't beat my story-- our neighbors originally replied Yes, then called to tell us a family commitment had come up, and they were unable to join us.  Turns out, the "family commitment" was tickets to the American Idol tour!  ~Donna

MikesAngie

Erin, I'm sorry to hear (read) that you are stressing out. I totally understand how you are feeling, here you have planned and shared those plans with friends that you would like to share in your day. Initially they were all for it and now when it comes down to the wire they are making what appear to be excuses to not celebrate with you, they may surprise you and show up.  If not you will have saved some money and you can either choose to use it to enhance your day or on your honeymoon.

Breathe relax  and enjoy what remains of your engagement and your wedding day!

Erin McCormack

Thanks ladies, I knew you would know just what to say. 

I think it's just that the past few weeks have been such an emotional roller coaster with my daughter in laws miscarriage and my ex wanting to lower the sale of the house (which is what we've been wanting so FI and i can buy him out), I've been trying to keep everything together. 

Your right Sue and Angela, I do think that people are genuinely happy for us, but, as we know all too well with life comes challenges and priorities.  However disapointing for others. 

FI and I planned on a small intimate gathering with people we love and care about,  Either way, I have every intention of having a blast and rockin my wedding (Thanks Donna).  As you said Angie, on the brighter side, that's less money I have to stress over finding that can now go towards my cake or my bouquet. And Lisa, what you've described is exactly what we wanted, so in the end, I get to marry the love of my life, finally have dessert and have a great party followed by a week alone with FI.  I couldn't ask for more. 

Thanks Ladies!  Your wonderful.....Wish you could come to my wedding.......

Erin

carolinagal78

I think RSVP's will be the thing that stresses me the most too. I dont understand why people cant RSVP. I mean a quick email or phone call would even do. I personally think its rude. I guess people dont think about the money that is invested in weddings. If you have a reply card that already has a stamp on it why cant you drop it in the mail? My FI and I just went to a wedding last wkend and the groom told us that they were still getting people RSVP'ing the day before the wedding. Geesh! I have heard other brides say that they called or had family help them call the people that they didnt get a response from the day after the deadline. I think this is a good idea if you have a large amount that hasnt RSVP'ed. Good Luck!

MikesAngie

Erin, sorry about the daughter-in-law's miscarriage.... ((hugs)) to both of you. 

Yay on the ex lowering the sale of the house!  My FI's birthday is the Monday after your wedding and he wants to celebrate it on your wedding day!  I'll be thinking of you though!

You're great too and have been so helpful with your support!  I'm excited for you about your upcoming wedding!

Marrin713

Rock on with your bad self Erin!  You'll get many RSVPs right before the deadline and right after as another poster wrote.

And 43 wouldn't be such a bad number - it was what we were hoping for after inviting 50.  We ended up with 52, but it was still a small enough group that T and I were able to talk with everyone.

I also don't understand why it's so hard to say yay or nay when you know about an event far in advance.  Those who wait - - are they waiting for a better offer to come along?  I dunno <shrug />  But life happens in the meantime.

prusgirl

In your original post you said the most important thing.  THE PEOPLE WHO CARED THE MOST WILL COME and that's it.

We invited 62 - 55 RSVPd, I told the caterer expect 52 and only 48 showed up. Like you, I was annoyed and insulted by those who did not come after, I had suffered through so much of their lives with them.  And then finally something wonderful happens for me -- they bail.  What I learned, they never really were my friends.  I don't encourage that -- that's my personal story because of all the things we experienced.  

If you are worried about the numbers, invited some extra people who just love a party! I had two C list guests who I knew would not bring a gift but, would fill seats and have a good time.  I also made sure to invite a lot of singles so I didn't have to hear excuses about partners not being able to attend.

We danced, we laughed, we reminisced.  And since it was MY first wedding people went on and on about how wonderful it was.

lovingwife27

I am with everyone  else i am in youe boat to so we may sink. i invited over a hundred people only have 2 weeks left b4 big day my kids and i have been through some pretty bad stuff 2  anywhoo only like 30 people are comming and none r my family only some friends not one persons that i am related to by blood and i wasnt adopted will be there but hey we got our guy our kids who needs anything else

nikiandchris

I was also totally disappointed in the number of no's we received. Now I'm thinking "I wish I had invited a couple of those people I convinced myself we wouldn't have room for!" We planned/budgeted for 30 tables and we're looking at about 17.

Like everyone else said, the people that are coming are the ones that are truly happy for you. It'll be beautiful and awesome regardless of who does/doesn't show up.

Erin McCormack

Thanks ladies, it definetly puts into perspective who you can count on.  On a side note, for all the disapointments, my awsome MOH has amazed me again.  Two weeks after I had asked her to be my MOH she was diagnosed with Hodgkins ( her daughter had been diagnosed the year prior and had just finished chemo)., she (MOH) has now completed her chemo thankfully and while on vacation with her family she and her daughter picked up some fall fabric and have made 80 balsom pillows to give as gifts.  How incredible is that? 

After everything she and her daughter have been through, she can still be there for me.  She's a wonderful person, and an amazing friend.  We all have so much to be greatful for and we have a great reason to celebrate and PARTY......

I can't wait....those others don't know what they'll be missing.  There loss