Second Weddings

Last Name Woes

I took my exH's last name when I married the first time. So currently I still have exH's last name and it bothers me. I just received my divorce decree in the mail and I am now eligible to go back to my maiden name if I so chose. Do you guys think this is a waste to just change it in May again?

FI and my last name are just a few letters difference. So my initials and how I sign documents at work would not change after May. All my uniforms would change/stay how they would be when I am re-married. The only thing that would need changed (again) is my drivers liscense and stuff like that that I really need to go get again because I lost all my important documents when I lost my house. So either way, I would have to go get new copies and change my last name in May.

My exH treated me really poorly, was abusive, and made a divorce bitter when it really did not have to be. I really just want to cut all my ties with him and his psychotic family ASAP.

Am I being silly?
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Re: Last Name Woes

  • I don't think you're being silly at all.  I met my FI a week after I kicked my exh out of the house, at the time in the back of my head - I was like "my fi knows me as this" and if I ever get married again - I would want to change it again.... so now 3 years later... .  I cringe everytime I hear my name said at this point becuase it's my ex's name.  . I cannot wait to change my last name to my FI's.  Name changing is such a hassle.  My initials also aren't changing which helps with work stuff.   If you're planning to take your FI's last name - do you really want to have to change things twice?  If 9 months is too long for you - change it now!  I don't think anyone would think poorly of you for doing so!  
  • I still have my wasband's last name. We were married for 13 years and have 3 children together. We have been divorced since 2008. I never reverted back to my madien name since my degress and my children have his last name. I can't wait to get rid of his last name and take on my FH's name. If you are getting married in May I would just wait. name changing everything is a hastle and costs money. Why do it twice f you don't have to? However  I do understand the feeling of wanting to cut all ties. You have to do what feels right for you.
    imageAnniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_last-name-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:7137ed0b-3e68-413e-952d-44fe09c3d955Post:8bc49289-88ee-4043-8288-39525913ffc0">Re: Last Name Woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]I still have my wasband's last name. We were married for 13 years and have 3 children together. We have been divorced since 2008. I never reverted back to my madien name since my degress and my children have his last name. I can't wait to get rid of his last name and take on my FH's name. If you are getting married in May I would just wait. <strong>name changing everything is a hastle and costs money.</strong> Why do it twice f you don't have to? However  I do understand the feeling of wanting to cut all ties. You have to do what feels right for you.
    Posted by 20pearls16[/QUOTE]

    <div>I changed my name back to my maiden name a few years after my last husband passed away (long story, but I'm no longer on speaking terms with his parents, and wanted to ditch "their" name)....and it wasn't really a hassel, and didn't really cost anything.  Okay, it cost like $10 to process the paperwork at the courthouse, and maybe another $10 for my new driver's license, but it wasn't that bad.</div><div>
    </div><div>Personally, if we're talking about a matter of a few months here, I'd just wait and change your name once.   But that's because with the time it takes to get some stuff changed, you might potentially have things in three names at the same time, and that could get confusing (even if two of the three are really similar).   </div>
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  • Not silly to me since I did basically the same thing. By the time my divorce came through fi and I were getting serious and knew we'd be getting married, but I wanted xH's name GONE! My kids are all older, and they didn't care a bit. It really wasn't a huge deal, and I didn't bother changing it on most of my bills and stuff, since it will change again soon. It basically only cost me a few dollars to change my driver's license, everything else was free. It was a bunch of phone calls, and a trip to the social security office, bank and dmv, that's it. Plus, now my marriage license will have my maiden name on it and not the ass's, so that's a definite bonus! If it's important to you, I say DO IT!
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  • I dont think it would really cost me anything. I need to go get a new social security card and drivers liscense anyways because of my house fire. Most of my work stuff/clearances are in my maiden name except my name badge and uniforms that only have my last initial on them. All my degrees and certificates are in my maiden name but I need to also have them replaced as well.

    I really lucked out, all of my certifications expire 2 months after I am married so my new married name will be on them. I wasnt married very long to my ex.

    I dont know. Either way I am going to have to pay to replace stuff twice now anyways.
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited July 2012
    Changing one's last name is not -- and never has been -- dependent upon your marital status.  You (anyone) can always, always, go into court with the proper paperwork and fees and change your name to anything you want. 

    From what you've written, I have concluded you are not aware you could have changed your name months, or years, ago.  If changing your name is what it will take to cut all ties to your former in-laws, get it done. 

    Do you guys think this is a waste to just change it in May again?  Honestly, I think you would be better off changing your name back to your maiden name now and make no more legal name changes.  I have been divorced from my exH for 12 years and am still called by his last name from time to time.  BTW, I never changed my last name -- neither legally or socially. I married, for the second time, a year ago and did not change my name. 

    The point I'm trying to make is, if you want to be called/known by your new husband's name, just do so socially.  It seems the legal name changes have taken a toll on you -- and confused you to an extent -- that you simply don't deserve. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_last-name-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:7137ed0b-3e68-413e-952d-44fe09c3d955Post:c991920e-2186-4b2f-8222-1916a9eded94">Re: Last Name Woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]Changing one's last name is not -- and never has been -- dependent upon your marital status.  You (anyone) can always, always, go into court with the proper paperwork and fees and change your name to anything you want.  From what you've written, I have concluded you are not aware you could have changed your name months, or years, ago.  If changing your name is what it will take to cut all ties to your former in-laws, get it done.  Do you guys think this is a waste to just change it in May again?   Honestly, I think you would be better off changing your name back to your maiden name now and make no more legal name changes.  I have been divorced from my exH for 12 years and am still called by his last name from time to time.  BTW, I never changed my last name -- neither legally or socially. I married, for the second time, a year ago and did not change my name.  The point I'm trying to make is, if you want to be called/known by your new husband's name, just do so socially.  It seems the legal name changes have taken a toll on you -- and confused you to an extent -- that you simply don't deserve. 
    Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]

    I am very aware of the laws but due to other reasons it would have been unwise for me to go through the process prior to this point. Sure anyone can go through the process and pay the fees, but sometimes it is not always smart or wise as was my situation or I would have done it years ago. But sometimes, there are outside forces that that impact our decisions more than nuances of ex-ILs that have no life of their own.

    I will be taking my new husband's last name. And I replaced all my IDs in my maiden name.

    Thank you everyone else for your opinions. I thought I was being silly but this is what I really needed to have done to have some closure from the divorce.
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  • The only reason I would wait is credit/debit cards and other things like that.  Sometimes when you change your name you'll get denied credit or your card will get frozen, etc.  If you're planning on getting married in May it might really be best to do it quickly or just wait.  That way you can buy your dress with out the issues, etc.

    Kim Mom to DD - 9 Twin DS - 6 Missing my march baby and trying to pick up the pieces.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_last-name-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:7137ed0b-3e68-413e-952d-44fe09c3d955Post:95d9385b-0742-44f1-b56b-5f37fdd9021c">Re: Last Name Woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]The only reason I would wait is credit/debit cards and other things like that.  Sometimes when you change your name you'll get denied credit or your card will get frozen, etc.  If you're planning on getting married in May it might really be best to do it quickly or just wait.  That way you can buy your dress with out the issues, etc.
    Posted by ksmakal[/QUOTE]

    My bank is pretty awesome with those issues. I actually had more issues with my address. When I moved and tried using my debit card when I entered my new zip code I would be denied. It was the most bizarre thing ever.
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  • Yet another long point in my case about keeping your birth name. Forever. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_last-name-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:7137ed0b-3e68-413e-952d-44fe09c3d955Post:508d0b30-03a8-45f6-887c-71bcc1d15c17">Re: Last Name Woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yet another long point in my case about keeping your birth name. Forever. 
    Posted by handfast4me[/QUOTE]

    Amen, sister!  I did, at one time, fancy myself to be a part of the Kennedy clan.  I gave serious thought to changing my last name then.  I got over that.  Yup.  Birth name ... works for me.
  • Its already a done deal. Took me 10 days. I already had to replace everything anyways so it did not take any longer than it would have originally. Went down to the building with my marriage certificate and divorce decree, got my birth certificate, went to the social security office with all three documents and had my social security number changed, went to the DMV paid the $13.50 changed it there, and faxed the divorce decree, new drivers liscense, print out from social security to my college, all my utility companies, my work, insurance companies, etc and it was done.

    Well I have already had my "birth name" changed twice by my parents that STILL to this day causes WWIII. So changing to my spouse's name is much less drama for me then having my parents bicker over my last name and where I "belong." Instead of having stuff come in 2 names as it usually does, changing to my married name made my life a heck of a lot easier and why I plan on doing it again.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_last-name-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:7137ed0b-3e68-413e-952d-44fe09c3d955Post:6c46c9c9-b098-4860-81da-7de27ab1245d">Re: Last Name Woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]Its already a done deal. Took me 10 days. I already had to replace everything anyways so it did not take any longer than it would have originally. Went down to the building with my marriage certificate and divorce decree, got my birth certificate, went to the social security office with all three documents and had my social security number changed, went to the DMV paid the $13.50 changed it there, and faxed the divorce decree, new drivers liscense, print out from social security to my college, all my utility companies, my work, insurance companies, etc and it was done. Well I have already had my "birth name" changed twice by my parents that STILL to this day causes WWIII. So changing to my spouse's name is much less drama for me then having my parents bicker over my last name and where I "belong." Instead of having stuff come in 2 names as it usually does, changing to my married name made my life a heck of a lot easier and why I plan on doing it again.
    Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]

    Great! Sounds like you got it all taken care of.  Have you been practicing writing the new name?  I just realized reading this post that I'll be having to change how I sign my name for the last 14 years.  I'm still occasionally writing 2011 and it's august!!!!!
    Kim Mom to DD - 9 Twin DS - 6 Missing my march baby and trying to pick up the pieces.
  • I completely understand where you are coming from. I divorced my ex in 2010, and orginally kept his name because it is my son's last name (and I didn't want to go through the hassle of changing), now though he's remarried and I would really like to go back to my maiden name but I thought I was being silly wanting to change now just to turn around and change again in June. After reading your post though I think I am going to change back, mainly so my wedding license and wedding invitations can have my maiden name and not be tied to my ex. 
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