Our second marriage - Intro - **Long**

Carriedfears

This is going to sound wicked whiny and I'm sorry in advance.

My name is Stacey, my soon to be fiance is Troy (he hasn't asked yet, but the date is set for next year) and I have a 5yo daughter who lives with us.

With my first wedding my mother planned everything in 3 months, she paid for everything and so everything was her way. My ex husband was supposed to be leaving for the military, I was 7 months pregnant and well BOOM marriage. We recently got divorced (March) because well he stopped loving me from the moment we moved from Texas to Washington (a year after we were married).

He and his ex wife planned their wedding together, so he's had experience. They got divorced because they were just friends after 7 years of marriage.

Anyways, I'm having a ridiculously hard time planning this wedding. I just want it to be beautiful and I honestly don't have any idea of what I want. He just agrees or disagrees when I show him ideas. My best friend is helping me as much as she can, but I'm not very good at answering her questions because I'm just at a loss. Another friend is helping with the ceremony and asked what we want it to say, but I have no idea.

We're ridiculously in love, the definition of soulmates, but I'm feeling very overwhelmed and scared.

Marrin713

You and your fiance need to agree on a "vision."  Start with BUDGET and then narrow it down by casual, semi-formal, formal and then take it from there.  Church; no church?  Time of year. How many?  Destination; at home.  Yep, lots to think about it, but once you decide on the basics, you'll have a clearer idea on the particulars.

wolfsmagic13

Hi Stacy,

Welcome to the boards   First of all with your date you chose, do you have a colour scheme in mind?  Indoors or outdoors?  Even though I have planned mine in five months (less considering I dragged my feet for a bit), I found some of the boards here and the ladies a wonderful help for advice or even just to let me rant about Momzilla.  Some of the picture ideas are helpful too and my FI agrees or disagress with "whatever you want dear" to me and I gently remind him that it's just not my show, although yes I might be the center of attention, he is too.  I found once I chose my colours, planning things were a tiny bit simplier (if you are a hockey fan think toronto maple leaf blue and ivory and that's my wedding).  Good luck with your planning and perhaps your mom can offer ideas or at least let you bounce your ideas off to her (my stepmom has been wonderful this way for me).

Tina

Carriedfears

Thanks y'all.

Marrin713: I'm pretty sure we have a budget, but I'm just waiting on the confirmation from the Fi. We've decided on our date September 16, 2012. We wanted an outdoor wedding, but with things being so expensive to do it outside we've come to the conclusion on an inside wedding. Def no church because we're Pagan. So far we have like 260 people on our list, but only like 100 will end up coming probably (most are my family from Texas that I know won't fly up here to Washington).

Wolfsmagic13: We've decided on Wine, Mauve, and Blush for our colors. I've been roaming through some of the posts to get a feel for things before posting and I've come across some quite helpful tips.

It's all the small things that I seem to be having a problem with. I'm just not cut out for making decisions, LOL. I'm trying, but it gets so frustrating.

wolfsmagic13

Have you checked into possibly having the ceremony at the same place as the reception?  FI and I are pagan as well (two different paths but its all the same) but have opted for a church wedding only for personal family issues (his kids)  however the clergy involved understands that we are only having a straight basic ceremony and not alot of religious hoopla in it.  The only reason I agreed to the church wedding as we were able to get married in a baptist church (the faith my father tried to raise me and its dad's church he is a member of) and the clergy there weren't that strict with us (I wear my pentacle under my shirt) as long as we were on the same page and showed up for pre-marriage councelling.

wolfsmagic13

Oh my 5 year old is a big fan of chocolate fountains and candy bars....LOL  I said no to the candy bar as it would be too expensive to keep filled for all the guests.

Lisa50

Welcome!  Congratulations on your soon-to-be-engagement (Did I read correctly, that you're not yet engaged)? 

I hope you can take some time to relax and enjoy this moment and not saddle yourself with planning a wedding just yet (yes, planning the big event and caring for a 5 year old could likely feel like a chore). 

As PPs have stated, take some time to ask questions and determine your shared vision first.  I wish you the best.  Good luck!

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_second-marriage-intro-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:74121492-0eb0-4d14-a8c0-d03857457460Post:73636392-a7f4-4838-aa62-558929937c9b">Re: Our second marriage - Intro - **Long**</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh - and <strong><font color="#0000ff">list what you DON'T want, too.</font></strong> Sounds like your first wedding was a disappointment. What did you hate? What did you miss? Here's your chance to get it right.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

I couldn't agree more.  It is really important to pinpoint what you don't want.  That will help avoid stress and heartache down the line.  Good luck!

handfast4me

Yay more Pagans!  And yay to more Stacy's too (although I see you spell yours with an e, and I don't.)  

Can you believe The Knot has a board for everything else, but not one for Pagans nor Celtics? Pisses me off everytime I think about it.

So, we did both our handfasting (not legal in the bible belt) and our legal ceremony outside.  That's because, as you know, it's the nature part of Paganism that is honored.  Are there parks where you could have a quick ceremony (many here don't charge a fee, not sure what it's like there) and then have your reception inside?  I just hate to see anyone compromise on their beliefs due to budget, but sometimes it must be done. 

Best wishes,
the other Pagan Stacy

ReidBreiling

Try not to stress too much... take things one day at a time and enjoy planning your wedding. I do understand where you are coming from though... I'm still going through my divorce, I have 3 young children, and we are trying to plan our wedding (long story...I kind of explained it in the May 2012 wedding board).

We started out with a set date, then our budget, then colors for our wedding, followed by my dress, etc

Avion22

When I planned my first wedding, I was really involved in every little detail and it ended up just driving me crazy.

This time, w have picked a few things that we think REALLY matter to us:  HAVING FUN, ending up married at the end of the day, picturesque location, good food.   Then there are things that matter a little bit less:  photography, music.   And things that I honestly could care less about:  flowers, linens, decorations, invitations, etc.    

So, the things that matter a LOT we will put more time ad energy into planning.  The things that don't matter aren't worth stressing out over :-) 

Carriedfears

Thanks y'all, I just feel like there's so much to do and no time, it was like January yesterday, LOL.

I am trying to take my time, I'm just an overachiever and I have the need for lists, plans. I hate being late, so this is killing me, LOL.

Wolfsmagic13: Yeah where we are planning on doing the wedding we're going to have the ceremony and reception in the same place. No religious stuff for us either, we have one of my friends we asked to marry us, she's Scottish and it will make it easier for when we do the sashing of the bride. We're totally going to do a candy bar with like a butt ton of $1 candy, LOL.

Lisa50: Yes my soon-to-be-engagement, he'll be asking before the end of the year because we have our date set and I want to be engaged for longer than like 3 months this time. LOL. We knew we'd be together for the rest of forever when we met, like the moment our eyes met, done. I'm trying so hard to relax, but it's killing me, LOL.

Retread Bride: I've been thinking of getting a binder to do all that with and it is now my plan for when I get paid. :-D Our list of what we don't want is like a million miles long, LOL. The wants list is so small.

Handfast4me: We had talked about doing a handfasting until I came across the sashing of the bride and that was it, I was in love with the idea. He's wicked Scottish and this is going to work out wonderfully for us. I'm sure there are plenty of parks that we could possibly use, but here in Washington it rains too much for my liking.

ReidBreiling: Don't fret we were already planning our wedding before we both got divorced, LOL. We started with the date, then I found my dress, we just recently decided on the colors, and now it's on to everything else.

Avion22: We've figured out the most important things and have put so much into those things thus far, the small things are going to be left for last.

handfast4me

Dang.  Somehow I accidentally just deleted my post.  So, I'm Scottish, too.  I'm the Recording Secretary for my International Clan (our Clan Society).  Because handfasting is also of Celtic origin, many non-Pagans incorporate this into their ceremony, and use tartan ribbon, if their church allows it. 

Let me know if you need a resource for tartan material, etc. 

If you're Scottish, will you use a quaiche? (Prononounced quake, for the non-Scotts.)  We used one to hold our cakes for our cakes and ale ceremony--not the traditional use, but we watnd to incorporate it somehow. 

Carriedfears

handfast4me: Um, I don't think we're going to use one. I think we're going to get a love cup though. I am Scottish, but I'm lots of things, my mom says a Heinz 57, LOL.