Need mental hugs :)

pumpkin314159

So I have never posted here before, but I am freaking out and I just need a little moral support and I hope you strangers on the internet will indulge me. 

I got engaged on Valentine's Day (YAY!) and I am about to tell my Mom and Dad...The "but" here is the reason I am posting to this board. I am just so scared they (and everyone) will be like "Oh great Here we go again!"  I was divorced barely 2 years ago...and of course at that time I swore up and down I would never get married again.  Well, you know how that goes.  Met someone great not long after and, well, you can't help falling love, right?

Even if everyone is supportive, I am worried I will make it all awkward by compulsively trying to justify myself to everyone..."It's different this time!"  Or by saying stuff like "I know you came to my last wedding, so you don't have to come to this one if you don't want to..."  In my heart, that is NOT how I feel, but I still carry a lot of guilt from getting divorced.

I realize I'm being irrational, and I don't know that I specifically need advice (but feel free to give me some!)  I just need to woman up and do it!  I was just hoping I could hear some words of courage from some wonderful ladies who maybe understand a little bit what I'm feeling.

Thanks so much in advance.

right1thistime

DO NOT set the bar low with that type of self deprecating talk.  Scroll up & read (or re-read) the It's Normal post. 

Don't announce your engagement until you can do it with your head held high, your resolve firm, and the joy that is in your heart worn all over your face.   Until YOU believe that you deserve love, and loving celebration from those around you, keep practicing your announcement in the mirror. 

Share your concern that you will diminish the joy of the announcement with your Fi.  Ask him to stand with you, hold your hand and squeeze it tight if you start down that path.  Ask him to interrupt you to tell everyone how fortunate you are to have found each other. 

You teach people how to treat you.  Don't teach them that this doesn't matter!  ~Donna

beautifulmama28

Yes def read the its normal post above.  It completely hit home with me this week, and I've been seperated from my ex for 2.5 years (divorced for one, it took awhile lol)

I too met someone fairly quickly...I dated a few guys between my ex and FI, and I knew within one date or a few that they were not even CLOSE to what I would want IF I ever settled down again.

That being said...I have had everything from my mom who is pretty supportive saying *just wait until your ready or as close to 2 yrs before remarrying* lol (she's a sociology resercher, she reads statistics a lot...thats where that came from LOL)

 to a few people just down right under mining my relationship with FI because I was married for so long before (18 yrs when it was all said and done) and they personally couldn't handle it.

Here is the thing...people will say things/think things/judge you regardless of if you do this now or years from now.  I don't think that guilt ever goes away until you recognize that sometimes things happen...and someimtes we are meant to go through what we do with our ex's in order to appreciate true love.

I married the first time when I was 18.  No offense to anyone that is 18 and on this board, but I had no CLUE who I was nor what I wanted out of life.

Being 38 now I have a totally different perspective on who I am, as a woman, a mother, a friend and ultimately a lover. I am def more confident because of the years and the divorce.

So I second the above post...hold your head high when you announce, expect some possible negative reactions, but toss what doesn't connect with your happiness in the trash, you deserve love the second time around (and a wedding...I love weddings!!)

pumpkin314159

Thank you all so much for the support and encouragement

I did read the "it's normal" thread (again!) and it does help to know I'm not alone in feeling these insecurities.  And I appreciate the reality check and reminder that I do deserve love. 

Thank you so much for telling me just what I needed to hear