confused please help

LCEllington

ok my fiance and i are planning to get married april 2015 (yeah i know its a ways away). this would be my second wedding and his first. we are still pretty young 25 and 22. he recently mentioned to me that he would like to get married at the courthouse (right away- this year) then have the big wedding as orginally planned. what do you think? is that way to long to wait between the legal date and the wedding date? please help

Lisa50

I think you may want to gently tell your fiance that the ceremony at the courthouse, this year, IS your wedding (if you choose to go that route).  So, if he cannot wait until 2015 and you agree with that, you no longer need to plan for anything in 3 years.

Honestly, though, since you're both relatively young, I think waiting until 2015 will be good for the two of you.  Each of you will learn so much about each other during a three year planning process, all kinds of things that will benefit you in marriage -- joint budgeting skills; money management; negotiation styles, personal beliefs that have yet to unfold -- that may not arise if you pull the trigger to have a wedding in a much shorter time frame.

Best of luck with your planning!

2dBride

Perhaps it would help to show him this Miss Manners article to convince him that the legal date is the wedding.

handfast4me

The legal date IS your wedding date.  You get to do it once.  (Of course, this is coming from the Pagan, who had a full-on Pagan handfasting ceremony, and then a legal wedding a year later.  The difference with us was that we had no guests to either ceremony, and because we're in the broom closet with so many of our friends and family, and especially work, we just said we got engaged at the handfasting, and only mentioned the legal ceremony as our "wedding."  )

There are threads on this topic on other boards (Customs and Traditions, I think) that show people do not look favorably on this sort of thing.   It's like you just want to have a pretty pretty princess day (PPD) later.  

right1thistime

Which one of you is 22?  If you are the 22 year old, and are working on your second marriage, my advice to you is to sit down and STOP.  Yes, I now you are more mature than everyone else who is 22, and that you know plenty of people who got married younger than you and for whom it worked great and they have been married 585958 years.  Tell him you both need to enjoy adolescence and you can get married in 2015.  I don't care if you live together and play house to your hearts' content, but there is no reason to get married now.  (Signed, the mother of a 22 year old). 

awayagain

Referencing Donna's post - and if it's your FI who is 22, my advice is to sit down and STOP.  95% of 22 year old guys are NOWHERE near ready to be married.  (Signed, the mother of a 24 year old world traveling veteran who is nowhere near ready to be married)

right1thistime

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_confused-please-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:793d1f74-ffc6-444e-bb38-25e05928e40cPost:c7dff34d-ebd3-45fd-8daf-0c7a6b55c647">Re: confused please help</a>:
[QUOTE]Referencing Doona's post - and if it's your FI who is 22, my advice is to sit down and STOP.  95% of 22 year old guys are NOWHERE near ready to be married.  (Signed, the mother of a 24 year old world traveling veteran who is nowhere near ready to be married)
Posted by awayagain[/QUOTE]

ROFL!!

MikesAngie

Whoa, as a parent of a 19yr old who is dating a 21yr old - I agree with the other Mom's. STOP there is absolutely no need to rush into this.

Give yourselves the three years to mature a little (or a lot) more - there is nothing wrong with playing house and taking your time.