Second Wedding Thoughts

milesbella

Second wedding for me, first wedding for him.  I'm 39, he's 28.  I have 2 children (12 and 11).  I'd prefer a simple, small wedding - he says he's only going to do this once and wants a full blown wedding and reception.

Thoughts on church wedding for second wedding?  I really picture an outdoor/backyard wedding but he wants more (and I'm okay with that).  I know everyone says "It's your wedding, do what YOU want" but have times changed enough that a church wedding for a second wedding is "okay?"

I plan to wear ivory and LOVE the Maggie Sotterro Phillipa.  It has a slight train and I'm unsure whether that would be "too formal" - or again, does it matter?


Then comes the veil.  I've been reading other posts about it really being a personal opinion.  I like the veils that just go under the hair in the back (no blusher) so I think I'll go with that.

Another thing - our parents will help pay for the wedding but we plan on paying for some ourselves too.  I would really LOVE for my 12-year old son to walk me down the aisle but I don't want to offend my father (who walked me down the first time).  Would it be appropriate for both to walk me down?  Or just stick with my son?

melissamc2

This is my third wedding.  Every one has been in a church, in a white gown, and done just as nicely as any first wedding.

They way I view it - this is to celebrate your new love, new marriage, and new life.  Your new husband deserves no less simply because he isn't the first.  Celebrate the way you choose to, and DO keep in mind that it is his first (and God willing only) marriage and some men really do want all the flash.  My fiance certainly does and he deserves it.

He's 29, I'm 37.  I have four children, he has none (although he definitely considers mine to be "ours" at this point).  He's making a lot of sacrifices (I'm unable to have more children and have no desire to adopt) and taking on a lot of responsiblity (one of my four has severe special needs) - he's earned this.

Churches, and people, are much more accepting of subsequent marriages these days.  Don't let what someone else might think deter you from doing what is right for you.  God already knows what you are up to, so I think He's ok with it.

As for the gown - I'm wearing a Maggie, myself!  I'm one of those "I don't care if I do it a dozen times, they are all going to be fabulous" types of marriage people. 

It would be completely ok to have your son and your Father walk you down the aisle, or just your son.  You're NOT some young girl going out into the world at this point, so your Father isn't really passing on anything.  However, I fully admit that I'm not really a big fan of anyone walking a woman down the aisle.  I think we all go into this alone and should just call it for what it is.  haha.  I realize I'm very much the lone duck on that one, though!

What it all boils down to is what you and your fiance are comfortable with.  There is always going to be someone who complains about or judges something in your wedding.  You can't please everyone, so please yourselves.

My final thought on second (or third, or fourth...) marriage is pretty simple:

We've all had sex more than once, but I certainly don't put less effort into it each time simply because I've done it before - and I wouldn't want to think anyone else is, either!   The same should be said for weddings.

Good luck and congratulations!

MikesAngie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_second-wedding-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:7fe0b394-6328-4596-bce7-ad38ceedf1c5Post:90cff4b2-419e-455f-851c-d7bb7cef29ed">Re: Second Wedding Thoughts</a>:
[QUOTE] My final thought on second (or third, or fourth...) marriage is pretty simple: We've all had sex more than once, but I certainly don't put less effort into it each time simply because I've done it before - and I wouldn't want to think anyone else is, either!   The same should be said for weddings. Good luck and congratulations!
Posted by melissamc2[/QUOTE]

Nicely put melissamc! 

My, no scratch that, Our wedding is something that my FI and I dreamt about and wanted for a very long time. Our wedding next April will be the most formal either of us had prior and will be exactly what we want!  I'll be in a formal gown and he'll be in a tux... We're having 4 attendants each and we're changing things up to make it totally ours!

2dBride

I'd say that the "rule" that second weddings can't be in a church is extinct.  And even if it existed, it is HIS first wedding.  The idea that the wedding is all the bride's day, so it is only HER prior marital history that matters, is definitely extinct.

Obviously, you have to look at the rules of the specific church involved.  For example, in a Roman Catholic church, you would need to get an annulment of the prior marriage in order to remarry in the church.  However, if your denomination doesn't have an issue with performing a second wedding, go right ahead!

And for the record, I originally pictured wearing clothing I already owned for my second wedding.  However, my wife had never previously been married, and wanted a full-blown wedding gown.  I decided that we really ought to coordinate.  So for my second wedding (which occurred in a synagogue), I wore an ivory wedding dress with a train, a blusher veil, a crinoline, and bridal slippers.  The world failed to end. 

hsbstone

I think that you should do what you like and feel comfortable with. Doeans't matter if it's your second and his first wedding, as long as both feel good about it, go for it. I am in my third wedding , FI in his second, we are in our late forties/earlier fifths, and I don't feel comfortable with some things, but that's me and me only. I've already decided that, I'll walk down the aisle by myself, I won't wear veil or blusher, I won't wear white (unless I don't find in other color) and I am having a "wedding lingerie shower". Also it's mandatory for us, having God's blessing (performed by my pastor) in our marriage. Again, do whatever you want and feel comfortable with it, and that's what matters...follow your hearts!

milesbella

Thanks for all the replies - that definitely does make me feel better.  I'm not one to usually worry about what others think but between the age difference and the fact that it's my second marriage, I guess I really am feeling a little insecure about it.  I love him to pieces and see myself spending the rest of my life with him - so yes, we may as well go all out and fully celebrate.  Thanks again to everyone!

Frady2Be

This my and FI's second each and I preferred something much simpler than FI, but in the end we compromised. (he wanted tuxes and a huge bridal party, I didn't want the stress of all that the second time around, I had a huge wedding previously).  Outside ceremony, no processional or recessional, and picnic foods and beverages along with some great music and dancing.

We are not getting married in a church because our previous weddings were both Catholic, but the main reason is since my divorce I stopped practicing, and he's not even Catholic.  (I stopped practicing because The Catholic church did such a great job I still have Catholic guilt from divorcing! lol), however I see nothing wrong with a second wedding being in a church, if in fact your religion "allows" itt.

Although I'm not going formal, I am wearing a white maxi dress from Lilly Pulitzer.



No veil, just flowers in my hair.  I also thought it was 'wrong' to wear white the second time around but read so many things that said that doesn't apply anymore.

Here's the big thing:  It only matter what YOU and FI want.  I was bothered by all the old 'you can't do that because it's the second time' comments at first, but my FI set me straight when he said "It might be a second marriage for both of us, but it's OUR FIRST".  That sealed the deal and made me love him even more than I ever did.

Congrats and do what you want - as it really is your 'first' marriage.

Sue-n-Kevin

Welcome Milesbella. As you can see this is the "no rules board". Have the wedding you both want and can afford, whatever that might be.

Looking forward to hearing your plans as they develop

ginaleigh80

Ahhh! Thank you sooo much for posting this topic!! I was feeling the same things.
This will be my second wedding, but FI's first. We've been thinking we would do a beach wedding, up until last night. And part of that reason was I was a little worried about what people would say.

I would like a beach wedding, but it's not my first choice, kwim? And to us if felt like we were eloping, even though people would be invited. (But it would be hard for people to come because it's far away.)

Last night we decided to just do what would make us happy and if people talk, oh well.
Good in theory, but hard in practice. Especially since I can be a people pleaser!

Sorry to ramble, just wanted to say thanks for posting what was on my mind! And thanks to those who responded too!

Ken&Cass

My second his first, I will be wearing Ivory, getting married in a Chapel and wearing a veil under my hair. My first, my dad walked me, this time I asked my stepdad to do it. It really is all about what you feel comfortable with I think.

hsbstone

By the way, I don't want to wear a white dress just because I don't want have a dress in my wardrobe that I won't wear it anymore fter the wedding (believe me, I have more than enough already), and this is the only one reason for it. I won't be wearing high heels as well because it will be bad for my knees (I just had a surgery on my left one) and I want something very comfortable that I can stay with all night long. I think that when we get in the late forties, we change anything else for more comfort, and this is my case pretty much!

ANTZ GIRL

Our 2nd marriage..My first marriage was in Las Vegas with no reception. My step-dad walked me down the aisle. His first marriage was in a little church with a little reception and his new in-laws didn't even like him lol

We will be getting married in a Presbyterian Church (we are both Catholic and divorced) and I will be wearing a white wedding dress with a back veil which I didn't wear for my 1st wedding. I am having my 2 daughters as moh and bm. My son will be walking me down the aisle.

I feel this 2nd marriage is a new and lifelong beginning for us and we defintely know we were meant to be...

Just follow your heart and do what YOU TWO want and don't worry about other peoples opinions..as long as you both are happy!
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thealphabride

Welcome to the board. We are both in our 50's. I am wearing a gorgeous ivory lace gown (Allure Coture) with a birdcage veil and a long train. My son is walking me down the isle.

My fiance's son is the best man. This is the second for both of us, my first was in the courthouse, so I wanted a nice affair. He is on board, and believes I deserve to have the wedding I never had. He's excited to be getting married to me, and has helped plan and pay for the wedding.

You should do what makes you happy and what you feel is appropriate for you.

As you can see from the responses, there are lots of multiple marriage brides here and we are doing a variety of weddings. Most of us include our children in the ceremony

lnix

I pretty much agree with everything here.. Its your day together.  Make it your day!!

As for who is walking you down the isle.. My dad was happy to do it if I wanted, but I asked my 2 daughters (13 & 9) They were thrilled!

mswood1977

For mine and my husband's second marriage (I eloped last time he had a church wedding)  back in June we not only did the church wedding, we did the full Catholic mass wedding.  I think if you want a church wedding it doesn't matter if it is your first or your 6th, who says god should only be part of your first wedding.

krimson19

im my first wedding, my stepfather started me halfway down the aisle.  my father walked me the rest of the way.  it's your day.  do it your way!