Do's & Don'ts of The 2nd Wedding

amberlynned

Hello Ladies,

Lurker here. I just got married (it was DH & my first) and now my mother is engaged. She is very worried about what people will think about her if she has a certain type of wedding and I just can't seem to imagine that there is a "Do & Don't List" for 2nd weddings. So I'm asking you ladies.

What would you think or want for your wedding?

destination or local? small or large guest list?
ivory/white dress or colored dress?
save the dates & invitations or just simple invitations?

rapunnzzll

IMO, The only "do' is to do what both of them want.  The "don't" is simply not let others tell them they can't or shouldn't do something.  Anything goes, a DW, small or large, casual or formal, church and a multitude of others.  To me a 2nd wedding is an opportunity to have our wedding our way.  it's about celebrating our love and the love of family and friends.  There are many books out there that might make your mom a little more at ease.  Go to the library and pick them up.  Send her here to our boards and she will become more at ease and not worry about what others think.

right1thistime

Send her to us. 

You are a sweet daughter to want to help her.  Just encourage her to do what makes her and her Fi's heart sing.  She's mature enough that she can let go of what other people think & say.  This celebration is about he & her finding happiness and the joyful celebration of their love.  It is made better when the people who love them share their happiness & joyfullycelebrate with them.  BUT it is not diminished by those who only see the opportunity to judge, sneer or gossip. 

Tell you mom she can wear a poofy ball gown, a sparkly tiara, have a shower (even enjoy it and register for it) AND a bachelorette, throw a bouquet,  cut a cake and be walked down the aisle by her father, her mother, her son or herself.  She can go to a romantic beach with just the man she is about to marry and no one else or she can have 200 guests.  There are no rules.  While you are at it, scroll down to the post titled "It's Normal", print it out and give it to her. 

Seriously, send her to us!! ~Donna

MikesAngie

Yes, do send her to us.  This board will assure her that there are no rules and that her celebration of love and committment is just that and should be planned her and her FI's way period. Give no mind to what others think - really you already did that the first time why do it again?

We will rejoice her triumphs and support her when it gets bumpy, she'll also learn the valuable tool called "the icy stare of death" followed by a sweet as pie but snarky remark. She also learn that many of us wear white (gasp) and are having the wedding of our dreams and that she can too!!

So tell her to come visit us, and to have the wedding she wants!  Love deserves to be celebrated and that is that.

MikesAngie

Congratulations on your wedding Amber!!! I meant to add that above!  And what a nice daughter you are to help your mom plan her special day!

Sue-n-Kevin

Amber, this is the "no rules board". Everyone here is planning a celebration that fits their vision of a wedding to "this" husband. Tell her to get an account and join us, because we are a lot of fun, and always willing to help

Congrats on your recent wedding! You are a very thoughtful daughter.

Sloane99

This is a good post for her as well, but overall I second (HA) the PP, send her our way. We are non-judgemental and understand how much better encore love can really be.

For me, remarrying, after divorce, it's the last love that matters.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_its-normal-requested

red1115

Amber - congrats to you on your wedding & to your mom on her engagement!

Please assure your Mom that the wisdom she has obtained through her life experiences has granted her the license to do as her heart pleases with her wedding!

Fineporcelain

Congrats to you and your mom. you are sweet to want to do this for her and help her in planning her wedding as well.  It really doesn't matter what "other people think". You cannot tell them what they can and can't think and say. The only thing that matters is that your mom found love again. This is my 2nd wedding as well. If they are her friends then they will support her , wish her well and it will be accepted. I wish you and your mom well and  hope that she has the wedding of her dreams.

P.S. These ladies say I can also wear white !     I love it here, and she will too.

2dBride

Congratulations on your wedding!

Basically, you can do anything at a second wedding that you could at a first.  So if your mother wants to wear a white dress and veil, and have several hundred guests, that is fine.  And if she wants to elope and have a private ceremony wearing normal street clothes, that is fine, too.

I was married for the second time last year.  Our situation was complicated by the fact that we are a same-sex couple, and it was my wife's first wedding.  But the idea of having her in full bridal dress and me in just street clothes was a nonstarter.  So on my 56th birthday, I wore my first ever strapless dress, veil with a blusher, bridal slippers, pearls, and opera gloves.  The dresses were ivory, only because both of us are pale and look better in ivory--we would not have hesitated to wear white if that had looked good on us.  Because DC didn't yet have same-sex marriage, the ceremony took place in Massachusetts and was tiny (only a dozen guests).  However, we wore our dresses a second time at a reception in DC for 60 people, with live music, dancing, toasts, a cake-cutting, and a DIY fauxtobooth.

Lisa50

Amber,

In addition to all the other wonderful advice given here, your mother may want to take a look at these books:

The Wedding Guide for the Grownup Bride by Shelley Christiansen and
The Smart Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams by Judith Sherven & James Sniechowski

Both have some helpful insights.  The fun thing about a 2nd (mine) or 3rd (FI) or 4th wedding is that the couple plans what is right for them.

Congratulations on your wedding!  Kudos to you for helping your mom get started with hers.

Scarlet Starlet 31

A resounding echo of all the powerful voices on here saying she should do what she wants.  If she wants to wear white and have a huge wedding, more power to her!  Any wedding, regardless if it's your first or fifth, is a celebration of love and deserves to be treated as such. 

amberlynned

Thank you very much ladies! I am showing her this post right now & I hope she takes your advice. & good luck to all of you guys. I hope you all have wonderful weddings!

vmmom

Congrats! I am celebrating my 2nd marriage at 46 and had some of the same concerns as your mom.  My first wedding I was very budget conscious because we were just starting out.  Although we are keeping this one small, it is nice to be able to afford some of the nicer things now that we are older.  I was particularlly concerned about shopping for a dress with all the pretty young brides around and expressed my concern when I made my appointment.  The manager was great - assured me I would also be a beautiful bride and set us up for a time when the shop was not normally busy.  My 2 daughers and I had a blast! I was so glad I mentioned something up front.