Then and Now

Marrin713

For those of us who did this first time at least 20 years ago, what do you find amazing as far as weddings go these days?  Reading through these boards is eye opening.

My first marriage was in 1979 and my parents paid $25 per plate for 200+ people.  Looking at comparable reception venues and menus - today this would cost appox $75 pp.

And Trash the Dress?  I had never heard of it or would have thought of it in my wildest dreams.  One of my patients did this at her DW last month.  We were looking at the pics from her wedding and in one pic she and new husband were wading into the Gulf of Mexico in wedding attire.  She then explained the Trash the Dress concept.  <eyes bugging out />

On one of the other boards here I learned about Jack n Jill showers.  Truthfully, I thought it was another name for a couples bridal shower, then I learn that it's nothing more than a fund raising activity for the wedding.

What are some of new traditions/trends you have come across?

right1thistime

First wedding in 1984 - we had a Jack and Jill shower (thrown by HIS family)- so the concept is not new.  But was still tacky...

TTD - not on a bet. 
IN 1984 I wore a hat (oh yeah) and my dress had long sleeves.  My flowers were a mixtrure of silk and fresh.  My cake had candles on it (I thought it was gorgeous- so there!  :P  )  I refused the dollar dance that his family was so crazy for ("you'll make soooo much money" -- NO) My band was a live cover band who sang Olivia Newton John's "Let's Get Physical" with a French accent (letz geet feez-ee-kal, feez-eelkal...) The bar was a cash bar.  The meal was served family style, and the per plate cost was $8.50.  My whole wedding/ reception/ jewelry/ honeymoon cost me (just me) about $7000.  Our best man was hospitalized until the day before the wedding with a kidney stone and left right after the ceremony.  We had our rehearsal dinner at a local Big Boy restaurant (that's what I could afford). 

This time - let's just say we ramped it up a notch.  ~Donna

handfast4me

oh, this is fun.  I got married the first time in 1985--everyone was wearing Diana-ish dresses.  I opted for a tea length, 40's inspired dress. It was downright scandalous.  I believe that no one wore strapless dresses--not sure that most churches would have allowed them.   Candy buffets?  Never heard of 'em until these boards.  No one would have THOUGHT to do the handfasting back then, and we did a full-on Pagan handfasting this time around(although my actual legal wedding was a different ceremony). 

There didn't seem to be as many details back then.  The standard was that you rented a hall that was used to doing weddings, hired a florist, and did favors and then had the attire to worry about.  There wasn't a lot of what women do today, no hair or make up trials, no one would have THOUGHT to wear shoes colored other than white (please see above for dress drama). 

I'm glad that everyone is more free to personalize their ceremonies, attire, and other details, but I hope this doesn't put too much stress on some couples. 

handfast4me

Also, I think the Jack and Jill thing might be by region.  Where I grew up, a J & J shower was definitely where the couple attended, usually everyone else was female, though. 

right1thistime

Ooh - STDs- meant something entirely different!!

Destination weddings - practically unheard of - unless you were "running away to get married", which often meant an unplanned pregnancy. 

Favors were jordan almonds in netting. 

bachelor parties haven't changed, but the addition of a bachelorette- that's new.  But those events NEVER meant flying to Vegas and spending a whole weekend, etc. 

a limousine was a luxury not a necessity.

nobody had underpants with "bride" bedazzled on their bum.

I'll keep thinking.  ~Donna

Marrin713

The favors.........never heard of them for a wedding reception; just for bridal and baby showers.  And even those, back in the olden days, it was not expected - just kind of a nice touch.

DJ?  Nope; just live bands.

I forgot - signature drinks seem to be the trend.  Back in '79, we just knocked back the Johnny Walker.

Ditto the candy and desert buffets.

2dBride

My first wedding was in 1977.  (Yes, I am older than dirt!)  A lot changed between then and my second wedding last year:

• Save the dates were pretty much unknown.  Even the disease form of STDs wasn't known, either.  They were venereal diseases or VD, and you went and got a shot of penicillin to get rid of them.

• Invitations were supposed to be engraved in black ink on white or ivory card stock, although people who couldn't afford engraved sometimes used thermographed ones.  There were most assuredly no colors used on them.

• RSVP cards were a relatively recent innovation, and still a bit edgy.  The theory was that people should RSVP on their own "informals," and that indicating that you thought them incapable of doing this was somewhat insulting.  We used them anyway, given the fact that even then, people tended to forget to reply if they didn't have a stamped self-addressed envelope.

• Registering for gifts was much less common.  If you registered, it would typically be at a single store (not a chain, and certainly not online).  Thus, it didn't make much sense to do it unless all the guests came from the same town.

• Wearing a strapless wedding gown was considered decidedly risque.  Mine went up to my neck and down to my wrists (see first picture, below).

• I couldn't get wedding shoes.  I wear a size 11AAAA.  The bridal shops didn't carry shoes in that size, and there was no possibility for online ordering.  I finally ended up with plain white sandals in a size 10, so that my toes could just kind of dangle off the end of them.

• We got married in my in-laws' home town.  With no online resources, I had to rely on them as people who knew the town to find venues, etc.

• As far as I know, no one had anything with "bride" on it.

• We had no favors, candy buffets, photobooths, etc.

• No TTDs.

• You had to pretty much make do with whatever was in your local area.  For example, you either had your reception in a restaurant, or you rented linens.  Being able to order from eBay or online stores wasn't available, and the cost to buy linens locally would have been relatively more expensive.

• First weddings were pretty much all conducted in churches or other religious institutions.  Second weddings were pretty much all conducted privately in the JOP's office, with no celebrations.  I don't think I ever even heard of a wedding conducted in a hotel, although the really adventurous might have used a beach.

• No wedding Web sites.

• No signature drinks.  We had an open bar for an hour before the meal.  When the relatives realized that there was only wine with the meal, most of them left early.  (Did I mention that I come from a family in which the alcoholism rate is about 50%?)

• All communication dealing with the wedding had to be by postal mail.  Long distance phone calls were expensive, and e-mail hadn't been invented yet.

• Every wedding was expected to have one and only one bride, and one and only one groom.

• Printing your own programs was out of the question.  You would have either had to type each one individually (which probably would have involved a lot of messy looking White-Out, unless you typed a lot better than I ever did) or make icky looking photocopies.

• Wedding bands did not have stones on them.

• When I told my coworkers that I was not changing my name, they questioned whether this meant that the wedding was not legal.

• The couple was supposed to be the first to leave the reception.  The idea was that their leaving was the signal to guests that the guests were allowed to leave.

Then and now

Marrin713

Boy 2dB, you bring back lotsa memories.  Remember all the photos?  I think we (the bride and groom) had to pose with every single guest against a backdrop.

My dress was considered risque because I had cleavage.  My mother was shocked.  And my bouquet had feathers in it????  That just came back to me.

Interesting tho....I had a winter wedding so the bridesmaids wore brown dresses.  This time around I am wearing a brown dress.

I had this little box, like a recipe box, where I kept track of all the RSVP's and the food choices because at my reception people had the option of chicken or beef dinner.

My mom and aunts made tons of cookies and baked goods for a sweet table.  That's not allowed anymore I found out.  My venue will only allow food from licensed vendors.  So mom was pretty bummed out but I told her to bake anyway - our ceremony and reception is going to span a week end anyway - it'll all get eaten.

right1thistime

Ooooh - the little index card box!!  I got mine as a gift.  It was white, with blue flowery print.  And the cards were preprinted with all the data you needed to collect.  That little sucker was so helpful.  OF course, nothing like the online resources of today. ~Donna

handfast4me

Wow!  You guys had BOXES?  I had a piece of notebook paper with a list of eveyrone's name, and beside that was if they had RSVPd, etc. 

One thing that was better THEN than NOW, is that I think people knew "the rules" more, KWIM?  So, if the kids weren't specifically indicated on the invitation (mr. and mrs. jones and family) then they knew NOT to bring them. 

Oh, and they were called invitations, not invites.  I hate that.  Even in the work place.  "oh, let's set up a meeting, I'll send you Calendar Invite" uh,no.  Send me an electronic invitation, thank you. 

2dBride

Thank you, handfast4me!  "Invite" is a verb.  "Invitation" is the noun.  As one who learned to diagram sentences, I cringe every time I hear "invite" used as a noun.

Marrin713

Donna - mine wasn't as fancy as your RSVP box; mine was probably quite literally a recipe box! LOL

candyr99

I remember the little file box, it was recommended that the bride keep the cards so that she would have a list to send out the baby annoucements! The dresses were much more conservative then, they even came with little jackets if they were too risque for church. That way you could show a little more skin at the reception. A reception gown wasn't heard of, many of the dresses could be bustled up so you weren't tripping over the train the whole reception. There were definitly no maternaty wedding gowns, and very few that were appropriate for MOH or BM.

I can't imagine spending the kind of money that many dresses today go for and then wading in the Gulf of Mexico or doing any of the TTD antics that I have seen lately. The thought just is just appalling!

I am glad to see that just because you are getting married for the 2nd time--or more--you are not relegated to a ceremony at the JP. I for one will not have a large wedding, by the choice of my FI and me, not because someone had dictated it to me.

trishandbrad

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_then-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:81b8a8e7-79d4-4f63-85c5-424826701355Post:136eb271-3347-4e64-9fb0-c265d6e27fb1">Re: Then and Now</a>:
[QUOTE]Ooh - <strong>STDs- meant something entirely different!!</strong>
Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

That is the funniest thing I've heard all day! And SO true.

2dBride

Oh, I forgot one:  Anyone else remember congratulatory telegrams?  Yeah, you can't even send a telegram any more, since Western Union got out of the business.