Second Weddings

Reality Check re: Timing of WR Tasks

My wedding month board is making me paranoid, so I decided to come here for a reality check. 

Specifically, how many weeks or months before the ceremony are you (or did you) finalizing/purchasing ...

*  Jewelry
*  Menu
*  Invitations
*  Order of the ceremony
*  Formal photography poses

FI and I haven't finalized any of this (except my wedding band, which came as part of a set) and honestly, I'm not stressing ... just wondering how far in advance you nailed down these items.

Thanks!

Re: Reality Check re: Timing of WR Tasks

  • edited December 2011
    *  Jewelry - we had it in hand about 3 weeks before the wedding.  It took about 1 month to come in once ordered. (We had it made by the jeweler, not bought out of the case.)
    *  Menu - we had to send out meal choice cards with our invitations, so we had to have our entree choices finalized before we printed the invitations.  I think our cocktail hour apps we finalized a month before with the venue (their deadline).
    *  Invitations - we DIY'd this - so I bought them a week before we printed them.  I would NEVER recommend doing this- it was a pain.
    *  Order of the ceremony - Meh- this wasn't anything that mattered terribly to us, so I think we used our officiant's order.  We did our vows in the month leading up to the ceremony.
    *  Formal photography poses - we left this up to the photographer.  Once we had our RSVPs, we figured out what family formals we wanted and typed that list up in an evening. 
    ~Donna
  • edited December 2011
    I used TKs checklist to help me organize.  Some of it didn't apply to me directly, but I still found it useful.
    Anniversary
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Reality Check re: Timing of WR Tasks:
    [QUOTE  Invitations - we DIY'd this - so I bought them a week before we printed them.  I would NEVER recommend doing this- it was a pain. Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

    LOL!  I love it.  My FI and I have promised one another that DIY will not enter into the wedding planning vocabulary.  I was very tempted when I couldn't find a canopy we wanted at a reasonable price ... but then, I slapped myself into reality, executed a new search and found just the right canopy at the right price.

    Your timing seems reasonable on these WR tasks.  I need to stay away from my wedding month board.  Thanks!
  • edited December 2011
    For the couple hundred bucks we "saved" -- my time and sanity are worth oh so much more!! 
    Did I mention that my husband is a visual artist and therefore was measuring the prototype invitation and declaring it to be 1/32nd of an inch off center??  Undecided  ~Donna
  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Lisa -  This is where we're at on these items

    *  Jewelry - Wedding bands were purchased before we were engaged
    *  Menu - We won't go in for our tasting until after the first of the year, I just put two choices on the R.S.V. P card vegetarian/vegan and non-vegetarian
    *  Invitations - This was a DIY project and I just finished printing them up now to practice my caligraphy before addressing the envelopes
    *  Order of the ceremony - Our officiant just emailed us her suggestions for our ceremony just before Thanksgiving.  We still need to work on it.
    *  Formal photography poses -  Ack! We have to do this too.... kai add it to the ever growing list.

    The "girls" on my Month Board are all over the place, some think that Save-the-Dates are necessary!  So I only go there when I need to understand just how messed up the wedding industry is or to see how crazy wedding "porn" can make girls. Otherwise I stick to a time line I created (that is until I panic and wonder what I'm forgetting). 
  • edited December 2011
    I think it takes as long to plan a wedding as you allow it to.

    What I mean is - if you absolutely had to - I'm betting you could whip together all the 'required' parts of a wedding/reception for this weekend.  But you would obviously make compromises.

    But if your wedding date is 2 years away - you could spend the next 2 years planning the weddding. 

    Somtimes the size of the task fills the amount of time available.  :)

  • edited December 2011
    As of today, I'm the voice of experience.  My wedding was Saturday, and in my opinion it was the most beautiful wedding in the history of weddings. 

    We met with the caterer at the end of August and went with the menu he proposed with one substitution.

    We ordered our wedding rings about Oct. 20, and they arrived a few days before the wedding. 

    The ceremony was very brief.  I appropriated the vows a few months ago, and the minister, who was a friend, more or less followed the ceremony I created.  He ad libbed a bit, but I expected that.

    I ordered my invitations in early September and sent them out in early October.  I did not do Save the Date cards because I think they are silly.

    I let the photographer decide on appropriate photos, and here is what I relearned.  Hire good people and people you want to work with and then let them do their jobs.  Don't micromanage.  It worked beautifully and my wedding day was really stress free.  One other little tip is to find out when you need to do certain things.  Ask the jeweler, florist, photographer, etc. how far in advance you need to book/order and then start your spreadsheet.  Yes, Excel becomes your best friend, but you will have more fun and arrive at your wedding ready to enjoy the day.
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_reality-check-re-timing-of-wr-tasks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:822d1dc6-975e-4879-b14e-c80b87240ea0Post:d05c358c-48ce-470e-ad5b-ab89e7649bab">Re: Reality Check re: Timing of WR Tasks</a>:
    [QUOTE]For the couple hundred bucks we "saved" -- my time and sanity are worth oh so much more!!  Did I mention that my husband is a visual artist and therefore was measuring the prototype invitation and declaring it to be 1/32nd of an inch off center??    ~Donna
    Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

    OMG!!!!  Yup!  That's why we're avoiding DIY.  I design and make custom quilts and, indeed, measure some things within 1/16" ... I would drive myself (and him) crazy!!  LOL! 

    Yeah, everytime someone suggests I take on a DIY project, I calculate how much my time is worth ... and every, single time, I go right back to buying whatever it is.  Ha!
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Angie:  Yeah, that wedding month board is wacky.  Someone is on there today, "freaking out" about jewelry for her July wedding.  Are you kidding me???
    My cousin's daughter did the same thing to me a few weeks ago.  I told her that I'm quite certain, if I completely ran out of time, I could go to a jewelry store the morning of the wedding and find a necklace, earrings and bracelet that would be just fine.  She was horrified.  I think it has a lot to do with age (experience).

    Shytown:  Yeah, I think we can use up a TON of time if we have it.  I feel I'm at a good point (all vendors are secured and I have my dress) and everything else will fall into place.  I know which invitations I want, so we'll tackle that at the beginning of spring.

    Alexmom:  First, congratulations!!  Second, I agree with not micromanaging.  I saw one list of formal photography poses and just about died laughing.  Sheesh!  Our photographer is a real pro (I use him every year for family portraits).  My cousin, our minister, is very organized so I know she'll have everything in hand.  Other vendors, including the event manager at the venue, who will be our "day of" coordinator, are really experienced, so I feel we're in good hands. 
    BTW, 4 spreadsheets are started and I think that's all we need: (1) payment tracking; (2) day of timeline; (3) music; and (4) guest list.  Let me know if I'm missing something, please.  And thanks!!!

    Right now, I just have too much time on my hands.  Ugh.  Maybe its time to focus on the holidays.  Hmm ... now there is an idea!

    Thank you all, ladies!!
  • edited December 2011
    Kelly - Good point.  My best friend and I planned her lovely evening wedding, including dresses and a jack and jill shower in just about 6 weeks.  I was younger and needed less sleep then...but where there's a will, there's a way.  ~Donna
  • mybooboosmybooboos member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_reality-check-re-timing-of-wr-tasks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:822d1dc6-975e-4879-b14e-c80b87240ea0Post:4f596e0b-59a6-4711-a480-68b83718eb1d">Re: Reality Check re: Timing of WR Tasks</a>:
    [QUOTE]As of today, I'm the voice of experience.  <strong>My wedding was Saturday</strong>,

    Congratualtions to you!!
    Presentation is everything!! Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • mybooboosmybooboos member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_reality-check-re-timing-of-wr-tasks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:822d1dc6-975e-4879-b14e-c80b87240ea0Post:4ac17da1-1893-40dc-871a-281812a0f999">Reality Check re: Timing of WR Tasks</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>My wedding month board is making me paranoid, so I decided to come here for a reality check.</strong>  Specifically, how many weeks or months before the ceremony are you (or did you) finalizing/purchasing ... *  Jewelry *  Menu *  Invitations *  Order of the ceremony *  Formal photography poses FI and I haven't finalized any of this (except my wedding band, which came as part of a set) and honestly, I'm not stressing ... just wondering how far in advance you nailed down these items. Thanks!
    Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]

    Yes, I've read the board and the various items that they are checking off their list (IMO) very early. I think some of that had to do with an age difference, and the rest is due to DIY efforts.  I don't do DIY...I do VISA!  My FI cringes every time I say that! LOL! 
    <strong>JEWELRY</strong> - I didn't know wedding jewelry was such a big deal.  I figured I'd wear something I already had (given to me by my FI) or just go buy something "off the rack". 
    <strong>MENU</strong> - I've provided the caterer a listing of what I want on the menu, and he's provided his feedback. I figure I'll finalize it after the holidays.
    <strong>INVITATIONS</strong> - I have met with the paper lady, when we did the STDs, so the color, style, font and wording are all decided.  I'll give her the green light in Feb/March.
    <strong>ORDER OF CEREMONY</strong> - Hahaha...I still haven't nailed down the officiant!
    <strong>PHOTOGRAPHY POSES</strong> - My photographer asks for a list of "must take" shots and a list of who's in the shots 2 weeks before the wedding.  I may have a few "must take", but I'll leave most of that up to him.

    I'm sure it will all fall into place when the time comes, maybe with some last minute scramble, but not much.
    Presentation is everything!! Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Hi Lisa,
    So much to do. Stay off the local boards, they will make you crazy!!!

    I used weddingwire.com checklist and all interactive tools.
     I loved the guestlist manager, check it out, it's really cool, and doesn't cost a dime.
    You can do it all in excell, but why reinvent the wheel, just take a few moments to check it out!!

    I stayed off the month boards because they kept posting their to do lists and it would make me very nervous, so I stopped looking and stuck to my own list on WW.com. I never posted my to do list:)

    I know what causes me to be stressed and being behind is one of them, so I tried to get everything done that could be done as early as possible. Which was accomplished and I was fairly stress free during the last week save the crazy catering lady who was being a total pain in my behind about the linens. That's when I handed off the wedding to the planner, and threw up my hands. I had had enough, I was d.o.n.e. by the end and couldn't wait to give her the wedding.

    My sisters had ideas about the jewelry and we decided maybe a few weeks before the wedding.

    I let the photog and other vendors do their jobs and didn't micromanage them or give lists to them. I hired a wedding planner to coordinate the vendors on the day of the wedding, she also coordinated the final arrangements with everyone.

    We decided the menu at our tasing when we hired our caterer, I wanted a Greek meal and they made a great one for us to taste and I went with that. I hired them early, wanted to make sure I got them settled ahead of time, so did that in Feb for our Sept wedding.

    As far as Invites, well, I did do DYI and they turned out beautifully as well as the escort cards and the hubby helped me with these and the programs. I was kicking myself at the time, but in the end I loved how they turned out and started way ahead of time to complete them. These few paper projects were they only thing I DYI'd.

    My officient had the order of the ceremony already on his website so I went with that and our ceremony was beautiful. 

    Good luck Lisa, Just a note on stress:

    I was surprised at my temperment at the end. I am a relatively laid back person and not a perfectionist.  The little things set me off very easily, even on our wedding day, and I was really surprised at myself. I had a good stress free planning experience until the end. We were having an outdoor wedding at 4 pm it rained until 1:30pm. Then the sun came out and it turned out to be a gorgeous wedding day and evening.

    On our wedding day, I arrived at the venue at about 2pm. When I saw my groom, my stress melted away, and I was good all day and night. Everything went according to plan, I think. If anything went wrong, I didn't know about it thanks to the vendors and planner. We had a blast and so did everyone else.

  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Oh, pshaw, ignore the young, over-eager wedding enthusiasts and come here for sane and mature advice. Having said that, however, I am a real planner who has worked with one vision from the start, so I have done quite a bit.

    *  Jewelry-  had my rings & his before we announced our engagement. My necklace & earrings I bought early, only because when I see something I think is right, I buy it regardless of how early it is. Made my reception necklace (a bit more funky than formal), only because I love to do crafty stuff

    *  Menu- We have to bring in our own caterer, so this was important because they book early. I looked at menus online for a variety of vendors, then went in and TOLD them what I wanted. That way I was comparing apples to apples, and I'm a foodie and don't want their generic food. Had tastings with the last 2 the past couple of months, and have decided. Again, only because we had to, because it was not an all inclusive facility

    *  Invitations- These were actually the first thing I found, on a sale table at Michael's for $5 a box of 50 invites and RSVP cards. I've had them over a year, and will do them over the winter, once we have solidified the ceremony time.

    *  Order of the ceremony- ??? Guess this is something I never thought of. But I'm sure it's pretty standard stuff

    *  Formal photography poses- We are doing a "first look" because both of us are afraid we'll be too nervous/emotional with the "walking down the aisle first look". Once those posed pics are out of the way, we'll do a few directly afterward with the rest of the wedding party, or after the ceremony. Not sure what makes more sense. I hate to miss the party while taking pictures!

    Stay away from the other boards if anything makes you question yourself, honestly. I agree with Shytownkelly, the more time you have, the more you plan and do......... I have to stop myself from browsing internet sites, because I am a DIY person, and my house is full of boxes with stuff I have to do, LOL. But to me it's not a chore, it's something I love to do.
  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    *  Jewelry

    We bought it on eBay, except that NotFroofy's earrings were her something borrowed.  So it probably took less than a week to arrive.

    *  Menu

    We had two receptions.  The luncheon following the ceremony was held at a restaurant, so we really only needed to finalize it so they could prepare our personalized menus showing what menu choices we were allowing our guests.  I think it got finalized a few days before the wedding.

    For our at-home reception, we hired a friend to buy, prepare, and clean up the food.  The menu was still being negotiated (depending on what was available at BJ's at the time) a day or two before the wedding.

    *  Invitations

    We sent those out two months before the ceremony.  It probably took a couple of weeks for us to order the various pieces, have them sent to us, and assemble them.

    *  Order of the ceremony

    We did that gradually over a couple of months.  But then again, we faced some special challenges.  A traditional Jewish ceremony has lots of prayers in Hebrew, all of which refer to the couple in the masculine plural.  Since we are an exclusively feminine plural, it took some time to get all the Hebrew fixed for us.

    *  Formal photography poses

    I think we decided on those as we did them. As in, "Hey, Aunt Martha, come over here!  We want to get a picture of you with Uncle Joe."

    **********
    I wouldn't recommend postponing all of this until the last minute, because you could end up quite frantic.  At the same time, all of this stuff can be made a lot less complex and time-consuming than a lot of the young brides realize.
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Thanks, 2dBride and everyone!  I think we're in pretty good shape, actually.  Here's where I am with those things:

    Jewelry.  I have a cousin who sells jewelry.  If she doesn't find something before June, I'll go to Nordstrom.  That will take care of it -- unless FI gets something (he's hinting!).

    Menu.  We'll meet with the chef (or her staff) in the spring.  We've already reviewed their choices; all of their food is fantastic!  We're just not in a rush.  We need to finalize choices 6 weeks in advance.  Who are these ppl that need to finalize menus well over 6 months  in advance???
     
    Invitations.  This has been the biggest project.  Seriously.  Finding just the right vendor has taken almost a year.  Done.  I'll touch base with the designer 4 months ahead of time and lock that in.

    Order of the ceremony.  FI and I plan to greet our guests prior to walking to the canopy for the exchange of vows.  The ceremony will be infused with music, including a violin duet by my son and my cousin's wife (woo hoo!).  Another of my cousins will officiate.  I am certain she will guide us down the important path of ceremony direction, prayers, blessings, etc. well in advance of the wedding.  No fuss, no muss.  No stress.

    Formal photography poses.  We're definitely not stressing over this.  I've known our photographer forever, it seems (our fathers worked together).  He photographed my first wedding and has taken family portraits every year since.

    We are in very good shape.  I_must_resist the urge to lurk/post on my wedding month board.  I will certainly lose my mind if I hang out there any longer.  LOL!!

    I need to focus on something more timely -- like finding a doggone job!  I hereby declare that wedding stuff is completed until the spring (except for floral and decor contract signing/deposits).
  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    We are in very good shape.  I_must_resist the urge to lurk/post on my wedding month board.  I will certainly lose my mind if I hang out there any longer.  LOL!!

    I need to focus on something more timely -- like finding a doggone job!  I hereby declare that wedding stuff is completed until the spring (except for floral and decor contract signing/deposits

    Sounds like a plan Lisa! Good luck.
  • edited December 2011
    Hey Lisa, we are both from the same area and we are getting married in the same month, actually mine is one day shy of yours, but my wedding will be in FI's hometown IA.
    But getting back to the month boards, yes they are tooooo much enthusiastic and everything is worth of a big consideration. We must be an exclusion there because we are doing everything JUST seven to eight months in advance!!!

    Jewelry - I will use my mom's jewelry and for the weddings bands we are still looking a catalog from Italy and may be making the decision by the end of the month.

    Menu - When I chose the venue, I chose the menu as well, but we still have time to some adjustment until the wedding date. I will think about it if it needed, by March or April.

    Invitations- we could not decide between two styles but we will choose the one and early in January we will order them. No DIY because I am not better designing than doing them. We are ordering from a great place with an even greater price. I may do just some little things for the OOT.

    Order of the Ceremony- I just pointed the readings I wanted and the special ritual  that I want, and the officiant will do the  rest and will send me by March.

    Formal Photography Poses-  It's up to the photographer; the unusual and creative ones, I may think about them on February or March.

    As you can see, I think you and I are just in pretty good standards timely wise, and we need any extra stress, do we?
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