Shower input needed: long sorry about that!

nmeirose

Hello everyone!  I have posted a few times here, but some more of my background is that I am getting married to someone who has never been married before and his family is very excited.  I work a very demanding job with lots of travel, and we are buying a house, and I have a daughter, so I am crazy busy right now with all that plus the wedding.  I only have two adults in my party- my matron of honor (cousin) and FI's sister.

Anyway. the shower.  This is where I would like input!  At first I had thought that I did not want any shower because I lived on my own for 14 years, and I definately feel like I am too old for cutesy themes and the wearing of the bow hat.  BTDT when I was 20 and no need or desire to do it again.  Last month I spoke to my matron of honor and she talked about organizing something and how she felt we should do something.  That sounded nice to me, and I told her that I wanted something small and low key with no craziness. 

On easter I saw his family, and asked his mom and sister if they were thinking about a shower.  They said they had been thinking of doing something, and I told them that I spoke to the MOH about it and wanted something very low key.  I asked his sister to get in touch with my MOH.  Well, since then all heck has broken loose and my mom is telling me all about it and asking me to help fix it.  His mom and sister have been visting places to have it, have a list of 40 people, want to have a theme, and have not heard back from my MOH.  they want to book this place today because they only have one date open this summer, even though they have not cleared it with the MOH, and she works weekends in the summer.  So my mom is telling me all this and asking me to get involved.  I have no time for this!!!!

At this point, I just want to say "let's call the whole thing off" but I don't want to seem like the total b**ch to his mom and sister.  I wrote my MOH to tell her how I am feeling about the whole thing- she is very laid back like me.  I would prefer something like a BBQ or something at someone's house!  Really, I don't mind if his family wants to go all out- they are excited after all- but I don't want to be involved!  And I don't want there to be drama with my MOH being usurped.

I feel like I am 20 again.  I don't want to be 20 again!  I don't want drama and I don't have time for this!  I wish they could just handle it!  What would you do? 

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_shower-input-needed-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:823e72ac-70e6-486b-9bf5-132c20dd202cPost:c802e1a1-2a1e-41aa-8d98-1689742988b9">Shower input needed: long sorry about that!</a>:
[QUOTE]  I wrote my MOH to tell her how I am feeling about the whole thing- she is very laid back like me.  I would prefer something like a BBQ or something at someone's house!  Really, I don't mind if his family wants to go all out- they are excited after all- but I don't want to be involved!  And I don't want there to be drama with my MOH being usurped. I feel like I am 20 again.  I don't want to be 20 again!  I don't want drama and I don't have time for this!  I wish they could just handle it!  What would you do? 
Posted by nmeirose[/QUOTE]

Grab the bull by the horns ... get your MOH and FI's family to plan it together.  Tell them (both) that you don't have time. Give them the guests list and be done with it.  Delegate, delegate, delegate!  Good luck.

MikesAngie

OP I don't know how old you are - but you are never too old to be treated as a bride. 

My MOH and the ladies of my family put together a lovely and fun shower.  Complete with me wearing a "veil" that said "I do.... I do..." in hot pink and a pin that said "Bride to Be".  I'm 48 and was at the time of my bridal shower.  It was a lot of fun and a good time was had by all.  All I had to do was give them the list and the addresses and show up!

You should go for it.

right1thistime

You call your MOH and tell her that whatever gets planned is fine by you, but that you cannot do anything in the planning dept.  Ask your FI to call his family & tell them the same.  Let what happens, happen.  Be gracious and appreciative.  Even if it means wearing a bow hat.  ~Donna

lindaloulubbock

I was so upset when I found out about my shower, basically because I didn't want to be involved in the planning.  I have enough on my plate, and I just couldn't deal with it all.  I did exactly what PP suggested-Tell whoever contacts you about the shower, that you are grateful so and so wants to do this for you, but you are not involved in the planning, and they'll have to speak with the hostesses. 

My FMIL and FSILs hosted my shower, and my family had very little involvement, but then they wanted me to be a go-between, and I refused to do it.  It hasn't really gone over very well, but it's the best I can do. 

awayagain

 I managed to have a shower without a bow hat.  I had a chat with my MOH and we both agreed, no bow hats!  I don't think it would be too much to ask of your MOH.  It's actually less work for her, because she won't have to remember tape or a stapler or a paper plate!

nmeirose

thanks everyone for your input!  after a lot of stress and some tears yesterday (what can I say I am overextended right now), it seems like it was a combination of many misunderstandings etc and I am totally out of it.  I still feel a little bad because I did not want to come off bossy at all, and don't want people to spend too much money on this, and don't want to seem like a bridezilla at all.  In the end I told everyone what whatever they want to do I appreciate and that I don't need anything, they don't have to go to any trouble, sorry for any mix-ups etc.  We will see what happens from there.  I am glad to be out of it and almost hope nothing happens!  I guess I have a tendency to "do do do" for others and feel weird when people want to do for me.

thanks again,
Noelle

nmauser82

My best advice? Don't let them suck you in! My mom, bridesmaids, and his mom did this to me and drove me litterally crazy. It was mostly my mom and I swear every single day she called me to tell her her "new" plans and ask my opinion.

Tell them flat out that you do not have time for this. If they want to throw you a shower, then they need to do the planning. You shouldn't be planning your own shower anyway.

You might feel bad now but trust me, your sanity will thank you later.