advice on the "wedding weekend"

AdelphiTN

Hi - i'm new here. love the posts i'm reading, all the honest advice & support!

Here's what i need help with... this is my second and my fi's first wedding. We're inviting only family - 40 or so total. We are getting married at a nearby beach that we vacation at every year, but none of us live there. The ceremony & reception will be Friday of a holiday week so people are arriving at various times - some for the whole week, some on thursday for the remainder of the weekend. We're paying for the wedding & reception ourselves (keeping the checkbook = keeping control!).

But as it is his first wedding, his parents want to do some other event in the weekend. His mom and dad are long divorced and married to others, but still can't tolerate being in the same room. His mom wants to take us to a special restaurant event that will only accomodate 16 people (and would almost certainly exclude his dad). It's the only thing she has asked for, she's being VERY accomodating. His dad wants to host a brunch or something - not clear on how many he means (or even if he means he will pay). And Saturday is an annual crab boil that we usually never miss.

So.... HELP. Do we turn down these offers? Do i try to coordinate and schedule these events? They certainly won't talk to each other - and my sweetie gets understandably frustrated at the situation. My family will just go with the flow.

Do you have other tips/advice on wedding weekend stuff?

Sue-n-Kevin

Welcome and congratulations.

Since you are in charge, if I were you, I'd figure out the logistics of all this with an excel spreadsheet and then make my decision (I'm a big planner that way). If you are inviting 40, and the restaurant excursion only allows for 16, who doesn't go? Is this a planned event, like a wine tasting or something that can't be done any other night? Depending on the distance and time involved, it would still be possible (if this is Saturday night) to do both that and the crab boil. Just eat less at one or the other.

It's my experience from reading all the boards that family issues get in the way for many people, regardless of whether it is their first or second marriage. It's understandable your fiance doesn't want to get involved because he's dealt with this crap for years. It won't get any easier after you are married. 

Since his mom is accomodating, explain that this is creating difficulty for you, and maybe she can arrange something for Thursday night, which would be the time for the rehearsal dinner anyway.

You'd also want to make sure the guests have something else to do during the restaurant excursion and don't feel left out.  

Good luck.

AdelphiTN

Thanks so much for your suggestions. i have a giant spreadsheet going.
 
Anyone have experience with having a brunch on the day after? it is a success or a pain?

Sue-n-Kevin

RE: the brunch on the day after. We went to a wedding out of town 2 years ago, and the bride's family threw a brunch and a "gift opening" (these were youngsters who had never been married before and they got LOTS of presents) the morning after. It was nice. Since this is family we don't see often, any extra time together was a plus.

Good luck.  

right1thistime

When do you leave on your honeymoon?  We got married on Saturday and spent Sunday morning with DH's brother and his wife.  I cooked brunch for the 4 of us.  We took the day to leisurely pack the last of our stuff, and to go to the beach, and to get to sleep early, since we had to be up @ 3:30 to get to the airport.  Add a day's travel and a cross country flight to start our honeymoon- and by 8 pm that night I was a zombie!    My point is that the day after the wedding you need down time.  If brunch will be a laid back enjoyable fare- I say go for it, a girl's gotta eat!  If it would be stressful, or squeeze your timeline too much- then pass.  By the way- our wedding was also at a beach locale that everyone spends time at (DH's family owns a home there)- about 75 minutes from our home.  ~Donna

AdelphiTN

We don't leave for the honeymoon, everyone else leaves and we stay another week! Two weeks at the beach... ahhhh. So i guess there is not a timeline issue with a Saturday brunch.

I guess i am feeling like this opens a giant can of worms. Everything else is so low key. My original plan was so simple - like cocktails at my condo thursday evening, wedding friday, crab boil saturday.  And i don't really care if you show up for the cocktails or the crab boil, frankly.

now i feel like i have to make the event tally "even" between the mom and dad. ugh. so glad my family is not adding to the drama.

pamila51510

Congrats!!! I am having a brunch the day after at noon for people who would like to come. We are having it as an optional event 5 people or 40 people could come who knows we are just meeting at a buffet here in town as I live in Vegas a lot of people are leaving on Sunday so they may not be able to attend but its something my mother wants.

Good Luck with the in-laws they sound liked fun to deal with.

thealphabride

Hey, Adelphi....welcome to the board.
When I read your post I thought, if it keeps the peace, why not???
I know it will add 2 extra activities you may not want to do and it's a pain, but to cut the drama, it may be your solution.
BEST OF LUCK to you!!!!

cardonedl

This is my second wedding also.  We are planning weekend wedding in Big Bear CA.  We rented a large house and others can stay at cottages on the same property.   We are looking at having appetizers & cocktails on Friday night.  On Saturday the ladies are going for spa and tea.  The men are going fishing.  Nice dinner. Sunday is the wedding.  Monday breakfast and saying our Good-byes.  We decide to have Photographer all weekend long from start to finish.  We want our guest to be a part of weekend that is relaxing and fun.  We just want to have a down home feel.  We both were married before and I have large wedding and he had a small wedding.  Our wedding is simple but love will be there with all our guests and family which will be nice.