EXPIRED

jaschelle

EXPIRED

timsflower81

Your mother is so wrong.  How awful of her to make you feel like you don't deserve happiness.  If my family acted that way - I'm not sure I could find it in my heart to forgive them. Your invitations were beautiful and I'm sure your wedding was too.  Maybe the best thing is to just cut them out of your life for a while and focus on being happy.   Congrats on your marriage!  

Avion22

Of course you were right to have any kind of wedding that you wanted.    

I'm confused though -- are you upset that nobody flew out to Hawaii?  Or is it that they didn't come to your at-home-reception?  If it's the first one, then realize that not many people can afford to fly for Hawaii (even if they really would have liked to attend).  If it's the second one, then try to remember that the concept of an at-home-reception is kind of new, and a lot of people are offended when they only get invited to a reception and not the actual ceremony.  

It wasn't wrong of you to HAVE these events, or to have the wedding the you absolutely wanted.  But not everyone can travel to a DW or AHR, and for your older/more tradition family members, they might not have really understood the concept enough to want to travel for it.  

right1thistime

Avion has some great points.

I also think that the Irish Italian may play a part in it as well.  In a sweeping generalization, those two ethnicities tend to be heavily Catholic, and look on divorce and subsequent remarriage less favorably. My Catholic mother wasn't going to go to my brother's first marriage to a woman who was divorced, because she was divorced. ( I not so nicely told her that if she didn't go, she would hurt her son deeply, and that neither he nor I would ever forgive her for that. She went.  By my second, she had dementia- so I just told her the priest said it was ok.)

That doesn't make their behavior acceptable, but might explain it.  If you want to know specifically why they didn't attend, you could always ask them.  But be prepared for them not to tell you the truth.  My neighbor told us that a family matter had come up that they needed to attend.  Her husband later told my husband that it was tickets to the Idol tour. 

I didn't invite my Catholic aunts, by the way, because I didn't want to hear (or imagine) the tongues wagging. 

coopsbaby

Aww, I'm sorry. That's gotta suck.

We worry about that as well. Mostly me, since this is his first marriage. We're doing a DW too, and decided to invite immediate family only since it gets expensive super fast to have a large reception and I would HATE to spend so much and have an empty room, so I totally get how you feel.

We're going a different way with our AHR and I'm hoping my family takes it okay. I think a lot of mine would skip it if we did it with the dress and such, so we're going the casual BBQ route and I'm hoping it's more than just us there. I will be so ticked if my cousins and aunts don't come since they all live local to the reception (less than 4 miles away), but I'm just not sure since they can get all weird about how things "should" be.

I wish families could be more understanding about things sometimes! I hope you had a beautiful wonderful wedding despite it all, and I wish you a long and happy marriage!

Lisa50

That's tough.  I'm sorry you were so disappointed.  I'd be upset, especially if I thought the entire family would show up.  It seems, though, that your mother has been quite "in your face" about her negative attitude.  I find it difficult to believe she didn't give you the heads up that attendance would be scarce.  Were you in denial?

Here's the thing though, it's over and done.  If you can find a way to move on, do so. When you run into family members, if you feel the need to say anything, tell them something along the lines of, "We missed you at the party.  It's too bad you couldn't have been there for the fun!"

I know this is an over-used phrase, but just try to let it go.  Good luck!

kimiandgary

Isn't most of your family in NY and your reception was in TX? That has a huge impact on who can come...

tania0930

Wait...in your legit novel post on the other board you said your cousin in NY died which is why a great deal of your family couldn't travel all the way to Texas....I'm COMPLETELY baffled about this complaint.

Marrin713

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_phone-call-with-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:88e222aa-a303-4427-b10b-457e5d05971cPost:848ac53d-a531-4579-b4c9-1bc68ea52af5">Re: Phone Call with Mother</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait...in your legit novel post on the other board you said your cousin in NY died which is why a great deal of your family couldn't travel all the way to Texas....I'm COMPLETELY baffled about this complaint.
Posted by tania0930[/QUOTE]

I'm confused too betw this post and the other one on WRW

coopsbaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_phone-call-with-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:88e222aa-a303-4427-b10b-457e5d05971cPost:848ac53d-a531-4579-b4c9-1bc68ea52af5">Re: Phone Call with Mother</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait...in your legit novel post on the other board you said your cousin in NY died which is why a great deal of your family couldn't travel all the way to Texas....I'm COMPLETELY baffled about this complaint.
Posted by tania0930[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Oh wow. Missed that ish!</div><div>
</div><div>OP-I can't believe you're surprised that people didn't com.Especially with the distance and the death of your cousin. I mean REALLY? This wasn't about you. There were other factors involved besides a second wedding, and I think you need to appreciate the good things that happened that day instead of focusing on the bad!</div>

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_phone-call-with-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:88e222aa-a303-4427-b10b-457e5d05971cPost:670ed91a-6668-4e3a-ae84-8c12a40242d1">Re: Phone Call with Mother</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Phone Call with Mother : I'm confused too betw this post and the other one on WRW
Posted by Marrin713[/QUOTE]

Thanks, Marrin ... I went over to WRW and read the other post.  Holy mother of God. "nuff said.

Jaschelle ... put all of this stuff on the back burner, really, just throw it away.  As I mentioned in my other post, you need to move on.  I guess that won't really happen until you get rid of that huge debt, but once that's done, put a big check beside it and engage in the future.  Good luck!