Not-So-Surprise Shower (vent)

pearls687

My FSIL is throwing a coed "surprise" shower for us.  We found out about it after everything was planned and underway.  This is both our second marriages and we just merged households, which meant selling, donating, gifting, and storing a great deal of "stuff".  We don't need anything except a set of drinking glasses and were not planning to register anywhere.  Neither of us wanted a shower for this reason, and because neither of us are comfortable being the center of attention. 

The guest list is pretty big.  FSIL is pressuring us to register, so we're going this weekend to oblige.  

I really hate that she didn't ask us before planning all of this.  I feel stupid having guests bring us gifts that we clearly do not need or even have space for.  If anything, a BBQ or non-shower party would have been preferable.  I'm going to smile and be gracious, (and don't get me wrong, I appreciate the kind gesture) but I am really annoyed at this whole thing. 

FI asked me yesterday if it would have been rude to decline a shower, had she asked.  Considering we declined an engagement party offered by someone else, we already knew how to politely but firmly decline, rude or not.  I just didn't want a big 'ole deal. 

Oh well.....  <sigh />   Thanks for reading.

right1thistime

So, what kinds of things do you like to DO?  Do you need gear for that activity?  Register for it.   Amazon.com has a registry and you can register for all sorts of things, from Calphalon pots and pans, Kitchenaid mixers and cookbooks to dutch ovens for camping.  Or birdfeeders, or books on special interest woodworking. Just because you have been married before doesn't mean you don't need anything. You just don't need certain things.   I wanted bedding that was just ours. 

Most co-ed showers I've been to have involved a cash/ check/ gift card gift.  That is always welcome.  ~Donna

kidlets2

Or what about home improvement stores? My aunt is also throwing me a shower and asked that we register. We did but I also gave her ideas for family activies - passes for amusement parks, the zoo, etc. Or what about taking a class together? Cooking, sports, etc.

Sue-n-Kevin

I can understand your irritation. One of my FSIL asked if we wanted one, very early before the wedding, and I politely declined. And it was for the same reasons you listed.......merging 2 households, having doubles of everything. I have been given "home goods" for holidays and birthdays for so long, I needed nothing.  It's too bad you didn't get the opportunity to do that.

You've been given some pretty good advice above. I always wanted a Kitchenaid stand mixer, but that is about the ONLY thing I would have registered for, if not Lowe's or Home Depot gift cards because I'm always planning for the next home improvement, LOL. Luckily my hubby Kevin got me the mixer for Xmas.

There's a saying on this board that if you don't register you always risk getting the "Chili Pepper Lamp", or some other thing you really don't need. Go through your home and register for "new" things you guys might want, new bedding, or better yet, new bedding that matches the paint color you want to paint a bedroom....I love cooking, so gourmet food prep things are always good. Like ice cream? Register for an ice cream & sorbet maker if you don't have one. They really are not hard to use and I love home made sorbet.

I guess the message is think about registering for things you want, not need.

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_not-so-surprise-shower-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:89162ae2-5b5a-4540-92b2-67e5173c0791Post:9c5f9570-aa4a-4563-a77f-53a40af8c30b">Re: Not-So-Surprise Shower (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]So, what kinds of things do you like to DO?  Do you need gear for that activity?  Register for it.   Amazon.com has a registry and you can register for all sorts of things, from Calphalon pots and pans, Kitchenaid mixers and cookbooks to<strong><font color="#0000ff"> dutch ovens for camping.</font></strong>  Or birdfeeders, or books on special interest woodworking. Just because you have been married before doesn't mean you don't need anything . You just don't need certain things.   I wanted bedding that was just ours.  Most co-ed showers I've been to have involved a cash/ check/ gift card gift.  That is always welcome.  ~Donna
Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

Seriously?  I never knew something like that existed.  Huh.  You learn something new everyday.

awayagain

Kitchenaid mixers and cookbooks to dutch ovens for camping. 

I've been to WWI and Civil War reenactions and have seen quite a few people using them.  But you're right, Lisa, you learn something new every day.

mdeidre

Is there anything you and your FI have but might want an "upgrade" on?  Maybe you could register for a couple of items at store that you just like and then people will get the hint and give you gift cards.    In your situation, I wouldn't be offended by the more untraditional registries such as for your honeymoon, some of the other things listed above, etc.  It really wouldn't have been rude to decline the shower, and I know you said you don't like being center of attention, but she was trying to do something nice, so maybe just look at it in that light?  I don't like being in the center of attention, either.

handfast4me

We use our cast iron dutch oven for our camping. We don't do reenactments but scottish highland games and camp. They do have some reenactors there. It's in these sorts of instances that a honeymoon registry is perfect. and just let me say this: times are changing :

Marrin713

Haggis!

handfast4me

Mar, Haggis is not my favorite.  LOL.  There's a modern version of it that most folks make, that's more like a meatloaf.  I once made traditional haggis, and my hound dog stood beside the stove the entire time I was cooking the lungs, etc., and while it boiled in the "casing."  

right1thistime

Places haggis on the list.  Along with scrapple, and kidney pie, and tongue and head cheese, and other disgusting food that should be left in the "discard" pile where it belonged. 

right1thistime

I would bet you need a new one, huh?

handfast4me

Yeah, retread, but maybe you need other sizes?  We have three different size dutch ovens to stack, and cook.  That way we can make an entire meal at one time, including dessert.   I'm not a huge fan of them, btw.  I do cook with them when I'm camping, because that's easier than dragging out the camp oven (unless I'm making cupcakes), but I think cast iron is too heavy and difficult to clean properly.