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Advice needed, please! (About mom)

ange7480ange7480
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in Second Weddings

Hi, new on here, March bride, I have been reading lots and I would like opinions/advice please. 

1) My mom
My Mom has been in and out (mainly out) of the picture since I was in high school (I'm 30 yrs old now.)  She is also in trouble and 'hiding' from the law on some issues.  We have spoken maybe a half dozen times over the few years and I have not seen her since before she took off when I was in high school.  Do I send her and her husband an invite to the wedding? (This is 2nd marriages for both of us.)

As harsh as it may sound, my initial reaction is No.  I don't want any trouble at the wedding and my dad is going to be there (part of those legal issues she is in trouble for.)  She has warrants out for her and I do not want to be involved in aiding a criminal or anything like that, or put any of my family or fiance's family in that position either (some are aware of the situation with my mom.)  Recently, my younger sister had her baby shower, invited my mom, my dad, dad's new girlfriend, etc. and everything went fine.  Before, it would have been "if I know my mom's whereabouts, call the cops."  Now, what to do?  What is proper or right?  Thanks for listening.

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Re: Advice needed, please! (About mom)

  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Wow, sounds like a tough situation. Sounds like something a few phone calls could help out with. Call your Dad, get his thoughts. Call your Mom (if you can) and get her thoughts after you talk to your Dad. If things went find at the baby shower, then perhaps they are on their best behavior for major life events when it pays to.

    While this is your second marriage, you may regret later not inviting your Mom, even if you are not close to her. Things change down the road, and you never know when it will matter that you made this decision.

    Good luck. And welcome!
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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    My only additional question would be - how does it feel to YOU to invite her?  If it feels like a chore, responsibility, unwanted burden, that is a very different answer than if you really in your heart want her there, would like to share this day with her, think having her there will enhance the memories but are afraid/nervous about the drama. 
    One of the beautiful things about second weddings is that you can pretty much decide who you want to invite, and let the "should" invitations go.  Mother of the bride is a bit tricky to skip, of course. 

    Is she a part of your life now?  If not, the wedding may very well NOT be the time to test those waters. ~Donna
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  • midgemotomidgemoto
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    go with your initial reaction and enjoy your day without baggage...
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Hi Ange - Congratulations and welcome to the board!

    My biological mother and I do not have a relationship (l-o-n-g s-t-o-r-y), that said I can tell you that if our relationship was even marginal I would not invite her to my wedding.  I don't care for drama at all.

    That aside your first answer was correct: No you do not have to invite her - or anyone that you don't want at your wedding period.
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  • ichellemay1ichellemay1
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_advice-needed-please-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:8cd7e876-1915-480a-b29b-ec099fab0b74Post:829b80db-9cc5-4fce-b453-7266e27e3415">Re: Advice needed, please! (About mom)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, sounds like a tough situation. <strong>Sounds like something a few phone calls could help out with. Call your Dad, get his thoughts. Call your Mom (if you can) and get her thoughts after you talk to your Dad.</strong> If things went find at the baby shower, then perhaps they are on their best behavior for major life events when it pays to. While this is your second marriage, you may regret later not inviting your Mom, even if you are not close to her. Things change down the road, and you never know when it will matter that you made this decision. Good luck. And welcome!
    Posted by Sue-n-Kevin[/QUOTE]

    This.
    Anniversary
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  • needle&threadneedle&thread member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I understand you want to invite her but the legal issues are not yours.  You don't want the drama on your wedding day...but send mom a very nice DVD of the wedding and "next day air' her a piece of cake to eat while she is watching it...

    ...also add all the special touches that you can...favors, a pin from your hair, a small swatch of your dress with your perfume on it...just enough for her to close her eyes and imagine being there...

    Hope it helps...

    S and CJ
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