Wedding Redo?

AbbyWeber2012

My husband and I got married on Oct 6th 2012. We had a very small budget ($6000) and we were raising our baby who turned one less than a month before our wedding. Between hand making almost everything including our invites, ceremony decor and reception decor I was completely stressed. On our wedding day I really never got to enjoy all my hard work. The wedding was just so so not at all what I expected it to be. And at the reception my husband and I didnt spend much time together because people kept pulling us in different directions. Now I think we are planning on redoing it. Just a small ceremony and dinner in our back yard. I'm thinking of renting a tent and decorating with lanterns. We are focusing on having another baby so we wouldn't do a wedding redo until two years from now. I guess I really don't want to always remember our wedding as a stressful mess. We had alot of drama around our wedding too and I guess I want to cut all the bad stuff out and have a redo. Is it crazy to have another wedding? 

happyfor25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_wedding-redo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:8f1fbbf4-6eb3-4a45-9cbe-6ac925f10a3cPost:6134a7f4-e36f-483e-8f90-00b0bd4d1a48">Wedding Redo?</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband and I got married on Oct 6th 2012. We had a very small budget ($6000) and we were raising our baby who turned one less than a month before our wedding. Between hand making almost everything including our invites, ceremony decor and reception decor I was completely stressed. On our wedding day I really never got to enjoy all my hard work. The wedding was just so so not at all what I expected it to be. And at the reception my husband and I didnt spend much time together because people kept pulling us in different directions. Now I think we are planning on redoing it. Just a small ceremony and dinner in our back yard. I'm thinking of renting a tent and decorating with lanterns. We are focusing on having another baby so we wouldn't do a wedding redo until two years from now. I guess I really don't want to always remember our wedding as a stressful mess. We had alot of drama around our wedding too and I guess I want to cut all the bad stuff out and have a redo. Is it crazy to have another wedding? 
Posted by AbbyWeber2012[/QUOTE]

In this case, yes, I think it's a bit crazy.  Your wedding, as you described it, sounds like just about EVERY wedding (stress, pulled in different directions, etc.).  What are you hoping to accomplish with a redo and what if the next one is not your "ideal" (I imagine it will be even more stressful planning if you have 2 little ones), will you have another? 

I would focus on your new marriage and child(ren) right now and maybe think about a vow renewal for a milestone anniversary. 

I think we often create unrealistic expections of our dream wedding and feel really let down when it isn't "perfect". 

right1thistime

I think we often create unrealistic expections of our dream wedding and feel really let down when it isn't "perfect". 

Happy - THIS!!  This is exactly the heart of the problem.  Some of us create a Hollywood version of that dream: size 0 bride, in a designer gown, male model groom fawning over his bride, beaming parents of the bride, Pippa-like sister as a MOH, greek orator style best man toast, choreographed first dance, etc.

Real life weddings have divorced parents who don't speak, stressed out DIY brides, 128 guests that the bride & groom have to divide & conquer in order to do the right thing and visit, too much alcohol, public speaking terrified best men who babble or embarass, pregnant MOH's who hate their dress, and family drama, drama, drama.  This is because they reflect our REAL LIFE.   

OP - IF you are looking for an opportunity to enjoy the company of your family & friends in a relaxed setting -- host a backyard party / get-together, but not a vow renewal.   You don't have to be the center of attention to do that.   If you feel you missed the intimacy you desired in your ceremony, renew your vows privately, with your child (ren) alongside. Go to dinner as a family. No need for hoopla or trappings. 

If money is so plentiful that as parents of young children you can afford to throw a big party with nothing DIY, all externally served, catered & cleaned up ( and that means a 6-9 month all expenses emergency fund, sufficient life insurance, college funds well underway, no debt, excellent credit) - you might be able to achieve your dream do-over pretty princess day. But you are not going to have a different family, so that drama stays. 

If you ask couples who have been happily married for decades if their wedding was perfect, my guess is they will tell you no. Then they will tell you their funny, silly memories of what stressed them out, how drunk Uncle Joe got, how mad Aunt Sue was, all remembered so fondly. Ask them the best part? They ended up married to the most amazing partner. Because that OP, is the point. You will never be Kate Middleton. I didn't get to be Diana Spencer. Diana had the most amazing wedding, but her prince was a frog.  She needed a do-over, but not because of the wedding special effects!     ~Donna

Sue-n-Kevin

My husband and I got married on Oct 6th 2012. We had a very small budget ($6000) and we were raising our baby who turned one less than a month before our wedding. Between hand making almost everything including our invites, ceremony decor and reception decor I was completely stressed

Wow, other than the "raising our baby" part, you perfectly described my wedding for 73 people. It cost under $6000 where I made most of the reception decor, including the centerpieces with flowers from Costco, table runners, table numbers, wreaths for the chapel, invitations, wedding programs, bridesmaid's flip flops, my ceremony dress and veil, bathroom baskets, favors, unity candle, my MOH daughter's black lace bolero, personalized fans for the ladies.........I could go on, but you get the idea. I did all these things so my "dream wedding" could be a reality, because I never could have had all the lovely things I did if I'd had to pay someone else to do them.

Funny thing is, my guests to this day tell me how much they LOVED the personalized touches in our wedding. It was "us". Unlike you, I loved my wedding day and don't look back upon it as something I'd like to re-do at all.

The prior posters are accurately right on. While I know you were not attempting to describe my wedding, I guess you can see that personal viewpoints, with our perspectives, can have two totally different interpretations. I, however, waited over 50 years to have my "hand made wedding", and really appreciated that I'd met the guy to fill my life with joy.

Oh, and the stress came the day after the wedding when my 16 y/o daughter-MOH had a vicious gall bladder attack just as we were getting set to open our wedding cards. We drove her to the emergency room, she was admitted exactly 24 hrs after we said "I do", and spent 3 days in the hospital and had her gall bladder removed. I spent each night of her hospital stay in the bed next to her. Lucky for us we had planned a delayed honeymoon. But I never saw her serious medical emergency as something that stressed me out or took away from our dream wedding.

Reality sucks, but perception = reality. Other than pointing out how your post has inflamed me, I don't think I can offer any other advice. But you have been, and probably will be, given plenty.

MikesAngie

Well put ladies!! Abby's wedding could have also been mine.  I was a DIY bride as well and with a small budget. If I choose to dwell on the negatives here's how the day could have been seen.

By the time our wedding came I hated my wedding dress and the reasons are many and would take up pages.  I still wore it and beamed at my hubby - everyone loved the look and thought the gown was gorgeous.  There was a lot of drama associated with the gown thanks to the manufacturer. 

My husband's dad passed away 5 months prior to our wedding after a lengthy illness. 

Two of my attendants caused a lot of drama and ended up still being in the wedding anyway.  Also two of the attendants got the color of their dresses wrong (Navy blue has variants). One of my attendants had been very ill before and still made it. 

My Mother's dad passed away on Monday and his funeral was the Thursday before our Sunday ceremony.  My Mom made it to our wedding and was lovely! 

My Uncle (Mom's brother) and Aunt who were supposed to attend - decided at the last minute to not come.

My dress still drug on the ground after the bustle (the seamstress wanted it to pool a bit around me - don't ask) and it was stepped on many times thus pulling the English netting away from the bustle.

One of my husband's Aunts took full advantage of the hosted cocktail hour and was bombed before dinner. 

Our special needs nephew had a bad seizure during our reception and that slowed the tempo of the event, he came too on his own but he and his family had to leave earlier than anticipated. 

We paid for 60 meals and only 56 were served because there were guests that failed to show.

And to top it off the crinoline of my dress ate the ruffle off one of my shoes by the time our pictures were done. 

Does any of that mean that I want a do-over?  No not hardly because the day was perfect. Here's why, the weather cooperated.  Our location was beautiful, our photographs turned out wonderfully.  My hard work in creating the bouquets, boutinnieres, corsages, nose gays, centerpieces, vases and garlands was appreciated.  Our guests enjoyed the ceremony and the reception.  The food was great.  And at midnight when my DH and I fell asleep we were married.  All the other drama of the day was part of life, and with a positive outlook the drama will be either forgotten or become some of the humerous stories about our day. 

ETA: So yes it is crazy to have a do-over. 

anssett

wow. I'm planning my second wedding, but I can promise you my first wasn't perfect. My mother had terminal cancer and went into a coma the week of the wedding. I think I win for unexpected drama and heartache. But, we dealt with it. Some serious steroids brought her back to us for a few more months and she was loopy and nutty and heavily drugged at the wedding, but there. Alive. Perfect is for the movies. I want to live in the real world!

mcda04

OP. There's no such thing as a "perfect wedding" to my guests, everything was beautiful and they witnessed our marriage happily and enjoyed themselves. My poor H was so stressed; he planned to surprise me with a live band that ended up not showing up and to this day; we have not received a response and cannot locate them. Other than that, our day was perfect because we are married. A stressful party doesn't make you any less married. Have a nice honeymoon and forget about the PPD.

BTW; 6K is a decent amount of money.

crumbcake82

I have to agree with pretty much everything everyone else has said.  Save your money and have a wonderful trip with your husband to build new memories, or use it to throw a party. There's no mulligans in weddings.