I am curious...........

Marrin713

Several posts have been written about people not being supportive enough or certain people just not getting into your (the collective "your") marriage plans.  Is it the general second (or third/fourth) marriage been there/done that?  Or are they specific with their objections?  Is it something about the FI?  Seems to me all the FI's (and H's) on this board are pretty decent guys (unless you are marrying the man from the Prison PenPal Program).

Maybe I was just lucky.....everyone seemed to be excited for H and me.  Or maybe they just didn't vocalize their concerns.  <shrug />

Anyway off to the clinic for a last shift before the weekend festivities

I'm curious about your answers.

MikesAngie

Marrin, I had one sister make a comment that was less than appropriate but she's known for her inappropriate mouthing off.  That said though she's very happy for me and my FI. 

The only negative response I received was from a local boutique owner (Campus Bridal a TK top 100 vendor />:-| ) who looked at me like I shouldn't have a formal wedding (she also will not see a penny from this wedding).

Other than that friends and family are very happy for us and are looking forward to celebrating our day. My FMIL and mom are treating our wedding day as though it is a first, as are other members of both sides of the families.

My biggest hurdle has been the moronic contest I entered... grrrr... but that is another post.

sof0830

Nothing specific to my man, my parents really like him. he has never been married but I have. I think my parents thought I would've been interested in saying "i do" at the local courthouse. I said I wasn't and that my man also wanted to have a celebration..for both of us. They seem to have come around lately...thankfully.
 
They said: "you've been there, screwed it up and now you want to party again and celebrate out loud?".. So, i said "F**K yeah"....
LOL. Yes, my parents realize that I am who I am, so get on board...

2dBride

Everyone was quite excited for us.  But then again, they all knew how long we'd been together before a legal marriage was even possible.

Lisa50

My friends and family have all been very supportive (or appropriately silent!).  My parents really like my fiance and are very vocal about it.  My 17 y/o son, who will be my best man, likes my fiance a lot.  They get along really well.  In fact, when we'd been dating for just a year, several friends started asking about marriage.  Everyone on my side approves (as far as I know).

My fiance's family and friends have been very supportive as well.  Notice, though, that I left out "all."  One of his sisters has stated her reservations to him.  This will be his 3rd marriage; she's not convinced the third time is the charm.  FI's reaction is, "I really don't give a %#*@ what she thinks.  I never have."  This is the sister, though, who has carried a grudge for almost a decade against another sibling -- to the extent that she refuses to be in the same room.  SO ... let's leave it there. 

We have more friends and family who want to be at the wedding than we can accommodate.  We are VERY blessed.  Only 28X days to go!

Sue-n-Kevin

This is my first marriage, my fiance's 3rd. His family liked his first wife, not so much the second. I have not heard ONE negative comment from anyone in his family. They seem to like me, treat me very well, and we all get along.

If you are getting the ideas from the posts that there are reservations or negative comments from family or friends, I have to think it goes back to the old fashioned feelings that a formal wedding is not appropriate for anything but a first wedding. Many of us are old enough to remember that many people felt that way, especially those that have religious convictions about divorce. But things are different, and many people have a hard time with change.

right1thistime

My mother - who was in her 80's at the time - verbalized the, "you aren't going to wear white, are you?" and the "you aren't going to have a wedding dress, are you?"  It was all really more about what she viewed as proper.  She and my Dad were both married before they married each other, and each were widowed (so not even the dreaded d-i-v-o-r-c-e issue).  For their wedding she wore a champagne party dress, due to her view as to what was proper. 

I've given the whole - no one's excited for me - thing a little thought.  The sense of excitement for a first wedding, in my opinion, stems from it being a right of passage, more than just the whole marrying the one you love component.  For the most part, it is the point in time where the young woman is leaving the parents' world and starting her own.  EVEN if she's been living on her own or with her Fi, working and earning more than her parents ever dreamed of, even raising children.  The people she tends to rely upon and depend upon are her parents.  Obviously that is not always the case, but I think it is at least still more the norm than any other celebration.  The excitement comes from celebrating that right of passage.  Once you've passed Go, collected your $200 and moved on, the subsequent times are just not as exciting for those not rounding that bend.  Families are happy for the couple, and often relieved that their child/ sibling has found a happier life, but its truly not the first time that they've felt this -- so not so nuanced and intriguing. 

Life on the SW board sets that expectation at a more realistic level than comparing to the first timers, whose mother is over-the-top with the event, and whose friends are squealing with every purchase, including the guestbook pen. 

I will say that there have been brides on this board who HAVE been sat down by family and/or friends to tell them to slow down or that they do not support this second marriage.  My advice is always to stop and take a good hard look at what these people who love you have to say.  Especially if there is some consensus.  It is not typical for people to verbalize their bad feelings about a relationship unless there are some grounds for it.  Sometimes those grounds are losing control of the person, or the person leaving a traditional family group (like religion or community) that the person is choosing eyes wide open.  More often, the person who is desperate for new love is overlooking the red flags waving everywhere, and it takes a family/ friend group to get them to be honest with themself.  ~Donna

embracejoy

We haven't heard a single negative word about our upcoming marriage (2nd time for both of us)... and we flat-out told EVERYONE in our families and our closest friends to please tell us if they had any reservations about us being together (both of our ex-spouses were NOT liked, which neither of us found out until the divorces were happening). 

But thankfully, everyone is thrilled we found each other, and have nothing but happy words for us!

DJTraceyD

My family, friends, and just about everyone in my life have accepted my fiance with open arms and treat him like family!!  Compared to my ex...my family is estatic my FI is a great guy and completely opposite of my ex!!! 

My grandmother voice shock and surprised that I was having a big wedding and wearing white, (she's 90) but i just explained that its 2010 and things have changed and this is what I want for us and our family cause I want to do things right this time around!!!  I want the feeling of bring a bride that I didn't have the first time around (I was pregnant, and kind felt more forced than by choice).  And then she was happy and even wants to come to it (we live 1000 miles away) and most of my family is showing a lot more interest this time around than with my ex...but also Nick has taken the effort to meet them and get to know them which i think they respect!

So on my end everything is going great other than bridesmaid issues.

arv266

I think it depends where the "non support" vibes are coming from.... I couldn't track down a few cousins and my nephew in order to send them wedding invitations.  They pretty much ignored me, but the honest truth is, we're family but not very close.  Their not keeping in touch with me really had no bearing on whether they supported my marriage.  My kids and immediate family is very excitied and happy for our upcoming wedding.  Its a humbling experience to have my 13 year old daughter tell me that I deserve to be happy, that I deserve to have a great wedding, and that she knows how much my FI loves me.  Her sentiments bring me to tears.

I agree with the PP; if my children or close family members and friends were voicing their objections, I'd have to admit that it would give me pause.  Sometimes love can be completely and totally senseless and stupid.  I might not feel the need to justify my actions, but if enough people were pointing out the same thing, I'd have to listen.

buckettgirl

Absolutely all of my friends and family are excited that I am getting remarried. I was married previously for 5 years (together 8 years), we had no children, and it ended quite bitterly after defnitive proof of all the cheating....  Interestingly enough, my first wedding was small and low budget because no one wanted me to marry him (too stubborn to listen).
Now, even my dad was asking when we'd get married after we'd only been together a month. Sometimes you have to go through hell to realize the good that you do have; and since everyone close to me has seen it first hand, they are thrilled that I have found a good man.

My mom, best friend (MOH), and I have decided that we'll just pretend that the other wedding didn't happen; and plan as though this is the first.