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fireytiger

As someone who had ADHD as a child and still do, I know that I was oftentimes a difficult child. I would get distracted walking to school, and end up showing up like an hour late sometimes. I used to curse and say "What the HELL?!!?" all the time, like it was a comma or period in a sentence, and I didn't even realize it was wrong (or even that I was doing it) until I'd get in trouble. I remember being very confused about why I was always in trouble, people didn't want to be around me because I was "too weird", my parents' friends would not invite our family to their parties and events because they all thought I was too wild. It didn't help that people didn't understand, I had no support at home because my parents were constantly punishing me or yelling at me for things I didn't even realize weren't okay to do. My third grade teacher was awful to me and ended up putting my assigned seat in the closet near the door, because she didn't want to deal with me. It can be very, very hard for someone with ADHD, and they may not even realize what they're doing or see their symptoms at all. Still to this day, I sometimes lose focus or get overly excitable, and I don't even realize I'm doing it.

Like others have said (and yourself included) it truly does sound like your SS has ADHD. The way it was handled for me was drugs (ritalin, adderall, etc) and that can ASSIST in working through the short term problems. But it truly helped me to have counseling and people who were patient with me. I still to this day remember my 4th/5th grade teacher, he did amazing things for me. He worked with me, was patient (but firm) with me, and helped me a great deal. He actually ended up being the person who realized I had an above-average IQ for my age, and got me in advanced courses for the rest of my education. I wouldn't even be where I am today if it weren't for all of his help. I also remember peer counseling groups at school, where I felt like I was "safe" to talk about the things that bothered me, and upset me.

I will say this, if a psychologist (or ANYBODY for that matter) tells you "oh, just give him these pills" and hustles you out the door, don't take that for an answer. There are people who can help, and more than ANYTHING that child needs help and support. Just putting him on pills won't do a damned thing, it only solves the short term issues, and even then that's iffy. I really feel for you with everything you're going through, it's very hard to work with and take care of a special needs child. Just don't give up, and definitely try to work out your own "normal" at home, before you get married. Choose your battles, and put out one fire at a time. Good luck.

Sue-n-Kevin

Thanks for your post fireytiger. Your description of your childhood helps all of us I'm sure. Glad you found the right person in that teacher.

fireytiger

Yeah, me too. I still think about him often, I wish I had some way to contact him and thank him for everything he did for me.

It's honestly really hard for people who don't have it to understand it, and ADHD has such a negative connotation to it. Even now, I am embarrassed to tell people I know (in person) that I have ADHD, because everyone has their opinions on what it is, and usually none of them are correct. Many people think it's just something doctors made up to put imaginative and active kids on drugs to "set them straight". Others think that it's just an excuse for those who are lazy or troublemakers. It can cause strain between child and parent, between husband and wife, between work and employee, etc. I'm one of the lucky ones, I've been able to outgrow SOME of my inability to focus, but not all of it. And many people are not that lucky, it's something they have to live with forever. So it's important to me to share what I've experienced, so maybe others can see it from my perspective, understand it a little better, and help others.

thealphabride

fireytiger,
Thanks for posting. My son has ADHD, he had his diagnosis at age 7 and has been on meds since then. He welcomes taking his meds because now at age 15 he know they help him so much in school.... He's had many of the same difficulties as others with ADHD. He has been very lucky to have wonderful teachers and a great school system that offers help. He improved in school on the very first day of his medications.

He is very intelligent as most children with ADHD are!!!! He is in mainstream classes and gets B's C's and a few A's but works very hard for those.

Only those of us who are quite educated know that ADHD is not just overactive children. I am trying to spread the word too!

AT BETH, it does sound like your SS has many of the behaviors and symptoms of ADHD, the constant attention seeking, and interupting, over talking, and even the groping are all symptoms. Groping is not knowing appropriate boundaries. My son did some quesionable things at that age too and I remembered being very worried about it, I took him to the doc and the doc explained about appropriate and inappropriate touching.  

My son, as well, constantly tells me he loves me, and it was a concern because of the constant frequency of it, but the doc said this is part of the attention seeking. I am not at all suggesting that is what is happening with your SS because I am not an MD and don't know your family. Just letting you know what happened with us....and I wish you luck... 

Having ADHD, or a child with this disability is very hard but it can be delt with and managed with the proper diagnosis, parenting, schooling and medications. 

BethandDan1210

Thank you thank you thank you!! We spoke to his pediatrician today and she believes this to be the case as well, and she also said that given my history it is understandable that I would react the way I did. We all feel so much better about things now. I cannot thank all of you enough for letting me get this worked out. I know this doesn't tie things up in a nice neat bow, but it sure does make things easier and FH and I feel like we have a handle on things now. Even "Chris" feels better - he knew he was doing something wrong, he just couldn't comprehend what it was - the doc spoke to him, we spoke to him and while he will need frequent reminders, I think we have got him on the right path. Now I can breathe again.

fireytiger

Hooray! I'm so happy for you and your new family! Good luck with everything, it is difficult but just remember that you can handle any struggle, because God never gives us more than He knows we can handle. I will definitely keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.