Second Weddings

Do in-laws need to know?

As of right now, I do not think my future in-laws know that I was married before.  I am 35 now and was married when I was 25-31.  Met their son when I was 32.  I mean it doesn't really matter, but it would be awkward if someone [aka my family] said something unintentially at the reception (where everone will meet for the 1st time).  I mean if they ever asked directly I would tell them.  I'm not tryng to lie about it, but at the same time the past is the past. 

Just forgettaboutit?

Re: Do in-laws need to know?

  • edited December 2011
    I would ask Fi to be sure that his parents know.  It's not like you have to wear a scarlet D on your chest.  Honesty is a better policy here.  And since there may be some reference to how much better your family likes Fi than xH, you certainly don't want that to be the way they find out. ~Donna
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Reading this reminded me how I learned my former bf had been married two times, not one, as I'd been led to believe.  I was visiting his mom in the hospital and her friend casually mentioned, "Oh I think you're so much better for Mark than those first two were ..."  Awkward!

    The fact that he'd been married twice wasn't as disturbing as the fact he was not open about it. That led to questioning what else he might be hiding (it turned out he was hiding a lot, but that's not for this post.) 

    To be honest, expecting someone to directly ask is neither fair nor logical.  You should be sure they know. Tell them yourself -- the sooner, the better.   Do they need to know?  Meh ... I'm not sure.  Would it be nice for them to know?  Absolutely.
  • edited December 2011
    ha, my FI has been married twice before.  I never said anything because the 1st one was short lived.  He married about a month before an 18 month depolyment - came back & she was gone and left everything to him.   He slipped up to my mom and the explanation began.  I really don't count it.  It doesn't effect me.  :)

    But you might want FI to mention it.  Could be an awkward situation.
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  • blush64blush64 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Your responsibility is to your FI, as long as he knows you have done your job. It's up to him to tell his family. Unless you are really close to his family.

    I would let my FI tell his family. I don't feel I owe his family an explanation as to what I was doing before we were together. They have no right to expect that of me.

    I would rather not be in the coversation and I don't want to know what they have to say about it. Let them ask him all the questions and react to him. That way if there is any bad reaction he can deal with it properly and you don't have to stress or worry about it.


  • edited December 2011
    I would tell them, or make sure FI tells them BEFORE the wedding. It's not a big deal but you don't want it to come up at the ceremony/reception or worry about it coming up then.

    If FI has a real problem with this and proposes that you keep it a secret at all costs, RUN! You don't want to marry a guy who wants to keep secrets.
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  • edited December 2011
    HOLY CRAP I totally went through this!!!
    Joe will be my third.

    #1 lasted 18 months; I was 19, he went on an 18 month deployment and when he came home, there was no marriage; we divorced.
    #2 He had cancer, we married and he died 3 months later.

    I was worried that the same thing would happen, that someone at the reception would bring something up so I made sure FI told his family without me there (in case of a poor reaction)...now they've had time to digest and we've all talked it out and they are really respectful of my past and history.

    Gentle reminder-your past is what made you the amazing woman you are today-and that is who your FI loves...
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