Hi there everyone! I have a 6 year old dd who I adore- we have been on our own for 3 years so we are very used to it just being us. A little over a year ago I met a wonderful man who is very much the one, who was sweet to my daughter and treats me like a queen. We are getting married on Oct 2.
This past weekend was the first time we pretty much spent the entire weekend together. We still have seperate homes, but we were going to a show up by him so we stayed over sat night. Then we were house hunting sunday down by me so he stayed over our place sunday night. Needless to say, it was much tougher than I thought to merge as a 'family'! The last time that she and I had a man around, she was 3 and I guess more pliant, because I certainly don't remember it being this hard, even given the fact that her father and I had a terrible relationship!
Maybe it is because she is 6, but they both had big time opinions about what they wanted to do, and vocalized them- and I felt caught in the middle. In my first marriage I was a total people pleaser and never stood up for myself, and I have come a long way since then. But with them both being demanding this weekend, I found myself reverting back to that behavior. I know I have to be more assertive and I am going to work on that, but it was so scary to feel this way. I guess that although I have learned the hard way there are no such thing as fairy tales, in a secret part of my heart I was hoping we would just all come together in love and bliss.
My married friends at work with kids around the same age say that it is like that wether it is the father of the child or the step father- that families with kids have strife. But this weekend I got so scared, I wanted to take my daughter and run to the hills and not look back! I love this man, and he is such a good man- I talked to him about it sat and sun, and he apologized for being overbearing and said that he is going to work on it. And I know him well enough to know he means it. But I fear that my daughter may feel marginalized, but on the other hand I don't want our new family to be all about her either.
I need some reassurance from those who have been there, done that. It gets easier, right???
