2nd Wedding

matty4128

I got married really young and the road to happiness didnt turn out as planned. now divorced for 3 years..i found another guy that i've been dating for 2 years and we've been talking marriage.  My parents paid over 30,000 for my first wedding and even though it was gorgeous i'm not wanting to pay that kind of cash again.  I also feel wierd inviting family to come to another wedding of mine. For those of you planning a 2nd or been through it, How much did you spend?  was family receptive to the 2nd wedding?  I hate asking people to buy me gifts when they already did...

Lisa50

Welcome to the board!  So many questions, I'm not sure where to begin. 

BUDGET.  Set your own budget, based on what you and your FI want to, and can afford to, spend.  As a grown up, this wedding is on you.  My first husband and I paid for our wedding.  My FI and I are paying for this wedding. 

GUESTS.  You need to go with your gut ... if you don't want to invite family to your wedding, then don't do it.  My family is receptive to my FI; they love him.  As one of my aunts put it the other day, I have her "permission to get married" since I'll be 50.  She feels 50 is the minimum age to marry these days.  LOL!  Are they receptive to a wedding.  Sure?  Why not?!  It's going to be a wonderful celebration with family and close friends.  My family/friends would be insulted if they weren't on hand to share in the joy!  Seriously.

GIFTS.  I didn't ask for gifts the first time around.  I don't plan on doing it this time.  In fact, FI and I do not want gifts.  RetreadBride has convinced me to register for a few things, b/c she doesn't want me to end up with a chili pepper lamp.  Ha!

I hope that helps.  Good luck!

handfast4me

Things were a bit different for me the second time around.  My parents were both deceased, my daughter was grown up, etc.  And I decided that I wanted something COMPLETELY different than my first wedding.  We also didn't want to spend a gazillion dollars on one day that we could put toward property that we want to retire to.  Our religious ceremony, a Pagan handfasting, wasn't legal in this state, so, we went to a beach, just the two of us, and got legally married. 

But, as PP said, you'll have to decide how much you want to spend and what you want to do for your wedding. 

matty4128

i think my biggest dillemma is that my guy wants to have a really traditional wedding that can be expensive...i'd rather elope! but i want to give him what he wants.  We dont have money to afford something really super nice though..so i guess we will see how it turns out!

MikesAngie

This is my FI's and my dream wedding and we are not spending nearly what you spent for your first wedding.  We set a budget, we decided on a style and that is what we are doing.

Budget:  Set one that you can realistically afford and stick to it. To help you achieve that also ask a lot of questions when you start interviewing vendors.

Guests:  Go with your gut, we're inviting family and close friends and keeping the list at roughly no more than 80. Some are family that attended my first wedding some are family that attended his - but they are happy for us and are treating this marriage and wedding as though it is a first and it is - the first time we have married each other.

Gifts:  They will happen regardless so register.

HTH

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_2nd-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:9991f103-76d1-49cd-8655-08ef37a88464Post:e7731c80-7f12-47f7-8fa6-2f2b222300a5">Re: 2nd Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]i think my biggest dillemma is that my guy wants to have a really traditional wedding that can be expensive...i'd rather elope! but i want to give him what he wants.  We dont have money to afford something really super nice though..so i guess we will see how it turns out!
Posted by matty4128[/QUOTE]

Ahhh ... a chance for building those skills of compromise.  I wish you the best of luck.  But, you might be able to afford something as nice as he wants -- it may not be fancy or expensive, but it can certainly be nice.  Give yourselves a chance to explore the options.

Here's a personal example to illustrate my point.  My fantasy dress is priced at about $3K.  The dress I bought cost under $300.  It's lovely and nice (ask MikesAngie, she likes it!)  ... just not exorbitantly expensive.  Other ladies will have examples to share, I'm sure.  Good luck!

right1thistime

For my first wedding - I paid for it (notice - that does not say "we" = red flag). 

For our second wedding, DH and I paid for it.  We set a budget, and promptly went way over it.  However, it was still in the realm of what we could afford without debt.  The process along the way was such that he and I agreed at ever over-budget expense.  Our wedding cost significantly more than my first wedding did, but it was 22 years later, and way classier so it is hard to compare the two.

You CAN do classy and elegant without breaking the bank.  So many women on this board have done that. 

I chose to not invite many of my gigantic family, just immediate family & 1 cousin- because he is married to my MOH (shh - don't tell him, he thinks he's my favorite!)  I have about 40 other cousins, plus spouses & kids, so there was no way.  My aunts are gossipy Judgy McJudgersons, so they weren't invited either.  I love them to death, but they'd come just to tsk tsk about things.  Pfffft, who needs that?  And, every one of my girl cousins except one has been divorced, and most have remarried, and none invited family, so I had a good cohort to follow.  Honestly - invite who you want.  Once you get to a certain point in your life, making other people happy at your own expense gets old.

You cannot ASK people to buy you gifts, and I am assuming you are thinking that inviting them = asking for a gift.  Nope.  By the very nature of the word, a "gift" is the choice of the giver.  Otherwsie it would be a ticket of admission.  So...to be nice to your givers (whoever they may be), register.  You are harder to choose nice presents for now than you were the first time around, and your givers would like to make you happy and to NOT waste their hard earned money on something you will shove in the attic for a yard sale in 5 years.  ~Donna

Lisa50

Donna --- Judgy McJudgersons???  You crack_me_up!

kendraleigh19

I totally know how you feel- I went through the same thing!  We are planning our wedding for July.  It was hard because it is my fiance's first wedding and my second.  I was married for three years and it was horrible.  I can't believe I stayed that long- but anyway... we are paying for most of the things ourselves.  I felt bad asking my parents too.  When I left my ex I left with nothing but accumluated things over the years.  So anyway... we looked at noprofit agencies- for a venue- parks, museums,... i went through a friend for a caterer- my parents offered to pay for the food- we are doing an ipod looping of songs- my brother is annoucing us coming in- dances and cake cutting... then the rest of the night will be the ipod looping.. we are getting our cake through walmart- 150.oo and having friends deliver it.  I am doing flowers from the local grocery store.... our center pieces are going to be pears and candles.  I found  linens at joann fabrics cheap...
I hope this helps.  CONGRATS!  Let me know if you have any questions or ideas.... oh also I made the save the date card on cardstock and will send those... we are going to go through davids bridal for invites.. the cheapest we could find.  Photography....having lots of friends with nice camera to take a bunch of pictures then I will edit and make a book on shutterfly... photography is soooo expensive and my fiance and I are both teachers so I feel your pain- hope this helps:)

MikesAngie

Matty - If I hadn't entered a contest - I so would have gone Lisa's route her dress that she bought and will be wearing is gorgeous!!! And will look smashing with her groom's tux! I'm just curious what route she's going to go with her flowers.

We all have out wants and wishes - but learning the fun art or compromise to make your day match both of your dreams can be a lot of fun!  Even with all my (shared) stressors I still have managed to have fun planning our wedding with my FI. 

I have to give a lot of props to the ladies of this board for helping me keep what little sanity I have and more than thanks for letting me snivel like a first timer on occasion.  They have been wonderful and allowed me to keep peace or some semblance there of in our home.

So please let us know what you decide to do and of course like all brides we want to hear it all!!!

colleenegan

Do what you both feel like you want to do to celebrate this special moment in your lives. That said, since your first wedding was not all that long ago..you might want to go the destination, intimate wedding route and have only those closest to the two of you there (if they can make it). This helps with your concern regarding gifts - those that wish to send will, those that don't won't.

The destination takes the focus and shifts it solely on the two of you...it eliminates all the "local" family and friend distraction. After all, this is about you and your new husband. Period!