Trouble in paradise/over budget

lisalillypad

My fiance has 6 adult nieces and nephews ranging in age from 16 to 24. i wasn't planning on inviting any of them with dates.  I did however think it was appropriate to invite his nephew's girlfriend since they live together.  I really went out of my way to make her feel like part of the family . I even  included her in the family  seating and processional because I didn't want to make her feel like she wasn't welcome. I however opened a can of worms because now my sister in law has contacted me and asked where the rest of the "dates" were going to be seated.  We are already over our budget and guests that we contracted for. We literally have  not a penny left in our budget to accomodate 5 more people(another 625 bucks)!!!  These extra 5 guests are literally just "dates".  I feel like these young adults just want to invite their friends to a free party at my expense.  But I have expressed my opinion to my fiance and it has caused a huge argument and we are not even speaking because he thinks I'm not accepting of his family. I didn't even reply to my sister in law yet.  HELP!!  What to do?  What to do? 

Lisa50

If you and your fiance agreed, before the invitations went out, that only one of the people you mentioned would be invited with dates, then you must find a way to re-open the conversation with your fiance.

Someone (you? your fiance?) needs to tell the young 'uns, RIGHT AWAY, that they are invited without dates.  It's not necessarily easy, but it can be done.  Think about it this way, the longer you wait to tell them, the more time they have to prepare for attending with dates in tow.  Treat it like removing a band-aid ... quickly.

And, if you both decide it's easier to just let them bring dates, let it go.

Good luck!

Sue-n-Kevin

Lisa50 is very wise. I agree with her assessment.

It is very stressful planning a wedding within a budget. Someone is always "left off" that if you had unlimited funds would be included. If your fiance was in agreement with you on the fact that only one would be allowed to bring a date, then it's hard to support his change of mind in response to the criticism.

I'm assuming the invitations have been sent out, and only one said "and guest" or had the girlfriend's name on it. To have a family member follow up to find out "where the rest of the dates will be sitting" is downright rude, but you can't say that to them.

You should attempt to explain etiquette to your fiance and let him know it was not an easy call. It sounds like it's not even an issue of paying for the extra guests since you also say that you are over the guests you contracted for. Not sure if that means you can't add any more due to maximum capacity levels in the venue.

Without knowing who is paying for what, if it's just you and the fiance evenly splitting this, or whether your list is longer than his, or other things that could result in resentment, it's hard to be more specific.

Good luck. This is a major headache in planning a wedding, and I understand your situation.

right1thistime

And IF he feels so strongly that he would like to not rock the boat, I would suggest you let him find the $625 and figure out the seating.  This is not the hill you want to die on. ~Donna

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_trouble-in-paradiseover-budget?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:9a7bad97-d2f2-447d-954a-0cfc96ace062Post:cb615ca5-34c8-4501-8295-167d7c918519">Re: Trouble in paradise/over budget</a>:
[QUOTE]And IF he feels so strongly that he would like to not rock the boat, I would suggest you let him find the $625 and figure out the seating.  <strong><font color="#333399">This is not the hill you want to die on.</font></strong> ~Donna
Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

Amen!

lisalillypad

thank you all for your comments.  Actually, the responses have not all come back yet.  We contracted for 75 but 90 went out knowing that everyone wouldn't be able to come.  Yeah....I told him to find the $625.00 in the budget  also.  That didn't go over well.  We went over budget on our band so I'm trying to cut from another area and inviting guests that I don't even know doesn't help the situation.  I sure am heck going to remember the band, I sure am heck NOT going to remember the names of his nephew's and neices dates. I think I just want to vent and get some affirmation that I'm right and his sister was really rude for asking.  I will most likely bite the bullet and just pay it.  You're are right, it's not a battle I want to fight and not how I want my new life to start with is family. Thanks all!!

lisalillypad

thank you all for your comments.  Actually, the responses have not all come back yet.  We contracted for 75 but 90 went out knowing that everyone wouldn't be able to come.  Yeah....I told him to find the $625.00 in the budget  also.  That didn't go over well.  We went over budget on our band so I'm trying to cut from another area and inviting guests that I don't even know doesn't help the situation.  I sure am heck going to remember the band, I sure am heck NOT going to remember the names of his nephew's and neices dates. I think I just want to vent and get some affirmation that I'm right and his sister was really rude for asking.  I will most likely bite the bullet and just pay it.  You're are right, it's not a battle I want to fight and not how I want my new life to start with is family. Thanks all!!