2nd Marriage and Exes...

novah924

My fiance and I have both been married before.  However, he has an Ex-wife and an Ex-girlfriend, both mother's of his kids that we are friendly with, and they both want to come to the wedding.  I am leary, but going to invite them.  Any thoughts on this?
I want to add that we think it is important to have a good relationship with them for the sake of his daughters. 

2dBride

This is entirely up to the two of you.  Even though NotFroofy and I had a tiny ceremony (a dozen guests), we included my ex-husband and his sister.  In fact, my ex gave the blessing over bread after the ceremony.  We're on good terms with him, and he is the father of my two children (who were MOH and dude of honor at our wedding).

You're certainly not obligated to invite them if you would feel uncomfortable with them around.  However, if they want to come, and you want to have them, having them there could be a help in maintaining a smooth relationship with the mothers of his children.

Erin McCormack

As pp have said, it's what's going to make you comfortable on your day.  I think most ex's that are reasonable understand why they wouldn't be invited.  So, don't feel the pressure, go with whatever your gutt instinct tells you. 

As for me, it would be a cold day in He..  before I would invite either of our ex's to our wedding.  They can just stay under the rock they belong under, but, FI and I have very good reason to have this opinion ( serious mental health issues with both ex's sadly)

Sue-n-Kevin

Whatever works for you I think is the standard opinion. I"m not inviting my ex, but only because his wife would nix it, and our daughter will be 16 and doesn't need to see her dad there.

arv266

How do you feel about it?

 Its fabulous when X's are able to get along, and its an absolute must for the children, but I draw the line at inviting the X's to the wedding.  My kids are 12 and 10, and my FI are 22 and 20.  Like PP wrote,  it would be a COLLLD day in HELL before we invited either one of the x's.  But that's a whole different story.  Our wedding day is about the two of us, and our committment and love to one another.  We wanted only close friends and family to share it with us.  The x's dont fit in this category. 

I think there are plenty of other events in the kids lives to include their other parents, like birthdays and graduations. 

MikesAngie

It's totally a matter of what your preference is, it sounds like they are fully aware of the wedding planning and are happy for you (why else would they invite themselves?)  You don't say what the ages of his daughters are, but if they are little their mothers could help with keeping them entertained (just a thought).

Our respective x-s would not/will not be invited to celebrate our day but that is because we aren't on friendly terms with either - mental health issues with both parties.

If they assure you they won't create drama and will help with the girls it might be worth considering.

AbbeyS2011

As PPs have said, that is a truly personal choice, and if you two are in agreement with it, then do it.  I will not be inviting my ex, even though he is my sons' father, and even though my FI's daughter is one of my BM, and FI and I are both on good terms with her, she will not be invited.

It might be confusing to his daughters' to see their Daddy marrying someone other than their respective mommies.  That is something to take into consideration.  If they are very young, you need to think how it will look to them, and the questions they will have.  It may also cause problems later on in custody issues with the children.

  As previously said, including them on birthdays is one thing, your wedding is totally another.  You can have a good relationship with these women without including them in every aspect of your lives.

melissamc2

We have a rule "no one you have had sex with at the wedding."  It's simple and it works for us.

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_2nd-marriage-exes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:9d09cf55-3f51-4c05-a793-0b35d7d4f93fPost:1dec0849-ee2e-45c0-b97e-bb5645f35adc">Re: 2nd Marriage and Exes...</a>:
[QUOTE]We have a rule "no one you have had sex with at the wedding."  It's simple and it works for us.
Posted by melissamc2[/QUOTE]

Love it!!

embracejoy

Neither of us have children, and we are also in the camp of "cold day in hell before either ex is invited to the wedding." 

I am going to be a bridesmaid for my ex's sister in 2012, so we'll have to see him at that wedding, but I think we're all grown up enough to deal with it.

meganyani

Too many personal factors to give  a straight answer. Personally I find it a bit odd. Ex is an ex for a huge reason.

FI's ex-wife would never ever be invited. Even if you promised me the riches of Bill Gates, she would not.

MIL is going to watch FI's kid so that is taken care of.

emmitchell

As the posters above have said it's up to you. If you're okay with it go for it. But if you really aren't speak up, this is your and your FI's day not the ex. The only folks that matter are you two. I'm sure if the children are small, there is someone there close enough to the both of you and familiar with the kids to watch them. Personally, my ex and I don't have children and are not on good terms, so we don't speak so no he won't be invited or even know. My FI has never been married before so we don't have that issue with him, which is a relief.