Second Weddings

My second wedding, his first

I was married 7+ years ago.. we had a small wedding but very traditional, when he stepped out on me I left him. I've since met the love of my life, our relationship was 1000 times more solid after 6 months than 6 years with the previous one - we've now been together a year and a half and he proposed last weekend. We want to get married in 8-12 months. 

He has been engaged before but never married, and I want to give him everything he wants for our wedding... the trouble is I don't know what etiquette dictates for second weddings... do I still get to wear the big white dress for him? Do we still have the big party with all our friends? Or is it supposed to be more muted and family only? Any advice for or against would be very helpful!

Re: My second wedding, his first

  • cyndelgracecyndelgrace member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm in a very similar situation. I was married for over 4 years, my fiance has never been married and he very much wanted to do the whole big wedding thing so we're going for it! I don't know what etiquette states but I don't think it's fair for them to have less of a wedding because we've already been married. 
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  • mybooboosmybooboos member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations and welcome to the boards!!

    For 2nd weddings you try to follow the strict and proper rule of, do what you can afford that makes the day special for you both.  If that means a white dress and large reception hall for 300 people, go for it.  Just the same, it could be an intimate gathering of close friends and family in the back yard.  It's whatever you and your FI would like, within your means, while treating your guests as guests (i.e. not sitting outside in 95 degree weather in an un air-conditioned tent for 6 hours).

    You may find some people giving unsolicited feedback regarding a big to-do over a 2nd wedding, but do what you both want and don't listen to the nay-sayers

    Happy Planning!
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  • edited December 2011
    I really thought my FI was the only man in America that would want to do the big wedding thing, lol.  I'm kind of surprised to see there are others!

    Congratulations!
  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    My DH (oh wow!!!) wanted the formal wedding so that is what we did!!! Formal attire and all - it was lovely and everything we wanted it to be.  No one said a word about it being a second wedding - it was our first wedding to each other and the only wedding that should have happened (that is a long story - but it does prove true love will, will out)

    ETA:  Congratulations and welcome to the board. 

    Have the wedding you can afford and want... period.
  • Taunya79Taunya79 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't see any reason why you can't make this wedding as big or as small as you both want! This isn't about your ex or the number of times you've been married...it's about you and this amazing person who has decided he wants to spend the rest of his life by your side (at least, that's what I keep telling myself about my fiance!)--this is special!

    GO FOR IT!
  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I'm in kind of a similar situation.  I was married before, for about 4 years before my first husband passed away (this was about 4 years ago).  Our wedding was very small, but traditional. 

    My fiance has never been married, but has been engaged before.

    He wants a "traditional" wedding.  He desperately wants to see me in a white (ivory, cream, whatever) wedding dress.  So I'm going to do it.  BUT I want to make sure that it doesn't look like my first wedding dress AT ALL.  First one was strapless, this one probably will not be.  First one had a train, this one won't.  I won't be wearing a veil either.

    I think it's just fine to do a "traditional", big-ish wedding for a second wedding.  It's just as much of a celebration  as it was the first time. 
    DSC_9275
  • edited December 2011
    I think you should definitely do what you guys want to do and don't worry about what is "right".  SOMEone will complain no matter what--that's just how it is.  I was faced with a lot of the same concerns, but my friends and family think I'm crazy when I say "do I have another shower?"  "do I wear a gown?"  "do i have bridesmaids?"  They LOVE LOVE LOVE my fiance and are so happy that I have moved on with my life.  They know that it wasn't my fault that my first husband cheated on me.  They are totally supportive.  I'm sure your family and friends feel the same way.

    You need to think of this wedding as new start, a new life and give yourself permission to make the celebration everything you and your fiance want.
  • edited December 2011
    We are having a bigger wedding than we each had the first time. The only thing I probably won't do this time is register for gifts. We in our mid-30s, live together and don't need any more stuff. Of course I won't turn away any presents, lol.

    And to go with a lot of the PPs, do what you can afford!
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