Frustraited Bride

chel35

This is my second wedding. I finally found a guy that treats me with respect, love and honesty. My first wedding was a big mistake. But I lived and learned and finally got my life back on track. Which I haven't been happier.

But there is one issue and I could use some advice.....Some of my family members are not acting like they are happy for me.  They are acting as if this wedding is not a big deal. Some times they make me question the whole marriage at all.  I've talked to my better half and he understands and sees what im going through and tries making me feel better.

I just don't know how to handle this situation.  Aren't I supposed to be happy even though its my second wedding? Don't I have a right to go around being happy and in love?  I want to share my ideas for this wedding with people who want to hear about it and its hard when some of the most important people in my life don't want to hear about it.  Who do I have to talk about this amazing process with if I don't have them?

Can anyone give me any advice????

jeannigirl

Yes you should be happy and you can't let anyone get you down. Come talk to us here on the board we love talking about weddings thats why we're here. Realize that they are happy for you I am sure they just probably don't want to hear all the wedding talk.

Smile and don't let people have that kind of control of your happiness and joy.

Sue-n-Kevin

Welcome & congratulations Chel!

I'm on this board because it's my fiance's THIRD wedding, my first. But the style of the posters here fit me. I also live in the Detroit area, so if you need any help just let me know. There is also a Detroit board (see local board link), where there is a ton of assistance.

Now, on to your questions: no one can make you feel bad unless you let them. I agree with Jeanni above. Over time you will realize who you can talk to about this within your circle, and who not to "bore" with wedding talk.

At this point, only my fiance and I discuss all the details. He never had a formal wedding before, so he's going along with my dream, because he knows it's important to me. I show him all the DIY stuff I'm doing, and we share our joy.

Just remember, your wedding is between the two of you. If you just want to talk to him about it, then fine. You can be happy and share your joy with others without talking about the wedding.

I have found the different topics on these boards amazing to help me "flesh out" the details of my wedding.............sometimes I read them out loud to my fiance and we talk about them. Plus, you have a bunch of upcoming brides who are in "full metal jacket" wedding planning, and love to discuss details.

A warning: some of the boards have truly honest, opinioned people. If you ask for advice, you may get some brutal answers. People here are a bit more laid back.

Good luck, and congrats again.

dlbennett

First of all congratulations!  Second of all, do not let the opinions of others guide you and your fiance's dreams! I too come across this as I plan a vow renewal after 15 years of marriage. Am I wearing a wedding gown ? Absolutely.  And although it will be a small intimate renewal (10 people) it will be a grand destination "wedding" in Las Vegas.   Life is what you make of it - have fun and enjoy, there are times that you and your significant other will go through together-- with us it was  three major life threatening surgeries that at the end of the ordeal we wanted to express our love for each other all over again.  
Don't let them get you down! Your fiance seems like a catch - talk to him and a few of your close friends that share your excitement!  

Ken&Cass

IMO people that don't share your happiness don't have to be invited.

chel35

I just want to thank everyone for their support and kind words. Congrats to you all as well. Its just hard when Ive always been a family girl and then I get this attituted from them. You guys are great. Thank you all for the advice!!!!

CA2MT4EveR

Best of luck!

Seena1

Congratulations! I too am planning for my second wedding, and my family's reaction to the announcement went something like this:

(me) "Gary and I are engaged, and planning to get married on Sept 18th of this year!"

(Mom) "That's nice. That vase on the top shelf is crystal I think; it was my mother's."

(Please note that my mother is not demented or senile. She is just practical and not a drama queen.)

Although I was somewhat disappointed that my family seemed to take such a nonchalant attitude, I realized that it has been hard on them too, seeing my first marriage end with the death of my hubby, and seeing me alone for so many years. I know they are rooting for me, and afraid at the same time that I will end up being hurt again. 

Most of my friends have shown alot more enthusiasm and support than my own family has, and a few friends have been neutral or not enthused. With this last group of people, I just know that whatever is eating them... jealousy, fear, doubt, insecurity, passive aggression or whatever, it is none of my business. It is their issue, THEIR BUSINESS. I am in big trouble if I need their approval in order to be happy. And that includes my own family.

luckyme502

I'm sorry your family is behaving that way.  They should be loving and supportive of you and your happiness!  I don't know how your relationship is with your family, but I would tell them to get behind me and be supportive.  I would tell them they should be happy for me and be glad that I have found someone who loves me and who I have a healthy relationship with. 

jeannigirl

Chel: What are you thinking thus far to what you both are wanting your wedding to be like? Would like to hear more what you are thinking.

agist

I sooo understand how you feel...I am getting married in October and it will be my 2nd marriage also...my first was very abusive and lasted 10 years and ended in him commiting suicide b/c I filed for a divorce. I also have 2 boys ages 4 and 11 and my family has been very bland about the whole thing also. My mom just says well make sure he's the one over and over again to me...uh, if i didn't think he was the one, i wouldn't be marrying him! ugh...i feel your frustrations! I didn't have a wedding the first time and he has never been married so we want to have a ceremony and reception. I have found that a few of my friends have been the most supporitve and helpful. I just keep trying to focus on the fact that I'm not living my life to make other people happy...its for me and my boys and as long as we are all happy then that is all that matters.

oh and i have also had some what i thought were very close friends turn their backs on me also b/c they feel like i am "rushing" into another marriage...i have been widowed for 3 years now and dating my FH for 2 years. I finally has just got the attitude that if you dont want to support me that is fine but dont call me when you need support one day!

Good Luck to you and keep your head up!

chel35

Well Pete and I want and elegant but simple wedding. We are going to Ft. Lauderdale for the wedding and then getting on a ship to cruise around the Western Caribbean.  Then come home and have a reception in our home town.
This is his first wedding so I want his to experience everything.  Many of my family do not even think about it being his first. So they are making him uncomfortable. They do not realize that they are ruining this experience for him as well.  I never saw my family doing this. They always have been supportive and they took me by surprise with their new attitudes.  Some of my friends are acting this way as well. I'm ready just to get married and run to a different town and start over with new friends. People who will just be happy for us and support us.  Thank you again everyone....I truly appreciate all your responses.

thealphabride

Hey agist, and chel and all the new brides here WELCOME and keep posting here!!!
We all love getting our wedding groove on by posting here.

First of all Congrats on your engagements and your happiness. Agist, sounds like your story is similar to mine, however my family is thrilled I am getting married to a wonderful man (we've been dating 5.5 years now)  but not so thrilled about being involved in the planning. It's ok with me.

One thing a lot of us have realized, is that no one really cares about your "wedding" as much as you do. My sister rolls her eyes every time I bring up the wedding, and I'm ok with that. We just talk about other things. My other sister is on board and is loving helping me with the planning. My mom is fully supportive. The rest of the family is supportive. I've had a long engagement (to save for the wedding) so I try to keep the wedding talk minimal and focus on their lives too!!!!  

I'm trying to read between the lines here, and it seems like your family has some reason they are not on board with your getting married again. Perhaps you should explore this (have a heart to heart) with them because it is "ruining" your fiance's experience.
Good Luck and keep us posted.
alpha