Second Weddings
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Second wedding same as the first...

I need some input on this one... I am getting married in March and this will be my second marriage, his first (notice the date I joined, HAHA) Anyhow...when I first got married, we just basically went to the only church in town that would marry a non member couple. We had a small reception in the basement because I was the only one working and thats all we could afford!
Well, after we got divorced, i started going to the church and am now a member there. I love the church and my Pastor! Anyhow, when my fiancee proposed we originally were gonna do an outside wedding to avoid the same venue, but now since we are getting married in March, he wants to get married at the church...also our mini outdoor reception is out because it will be March (moved wedding up because we were gonna go to Vegas on my Spring Break...but not everyone he wanted to come could come so we moved it back home...and I did not want to wait!!) Well, the other day he said "why dont we do it in the basement" Even after I told him that its what I did the first time, he still wants to do it. He views it as making new memories...which I totally agree with, but I still feel like its sorta weird? Is it as weird as I think it is? There will be barely anyone there that was there the first time around...
Thanks
Jeni

Re: Second wedding same as the first...

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    edited December 2011
    I love the venue where my first husband I were married and the reception hall.  I know my FI would never go for that.  If yours is ok with it and you are not too weirded out (if that is a word) by it, I say go for it. It sounds like that is were your comfort zone is.  With the pastor and all.  Maybe talk to your pastor about your feelings and see what he says.  I'm sure he will feel the same as your FI.  Good luck with your decision!
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    nmauser82nmauser82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't do it personally.

    My FI and I currently work in popular touristy spot that my ex and I honeymooned in. As part of our jobs we get free access to certain major tourist spots whenever we want. I have to say, as much as I love the place, it's always in the back of my mind that "hey, I was here with ex". As much as I want to push that thought out of my head and focus on being there with FI, I can't completely get rid of it. It's like this annoying little ghost that won't go away.

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    melissamc2melissamc2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There are a lot of people out there who could, and would, do it, but I'm not one of them.

    If both of YOU are comfortable with it, however, there's nothing that says it is wrong.
    10-10-10
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    edited December 2011

    I too would be "wierded out" by this.  For me it is an issue of karma - what I feel is the energy left behind by people and events.  I wouldnt want my new marriage to start where a previous one had started, I would want something brand new.  But this is me, not you!  It sounds like you and your FI are cool with making new memories, which IMO speaks loudly of the kind of man your FI is!  However, if you are on the fence on this, I would consider having your reception at home or some other spot that can work on your budget. 

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    Jean TeddyJean Teddy member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I totally agree that it's up to you... however, I would want to mix the karmic energy around and do it somewhere neutral.
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    edited December 2011
    I am trying to stay away from all the wedding things that I have done before- I want a totally different dress, different colors, differetn flowers- you name it. I also don't want what he has had before either. This is OUR day, I don't want to think of either ex on that day because a color or a song or something reminds me.
    Can you have the reception somewhere else?
    If you are ok with it, then do what you think is right!
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    Ken&CassKen&Cass member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Like others, I couldn't do it. You might think it's a good idea for the time being and then the day of not be able to handle it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Sloane99Sloane99 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I definitely don't think you need to worry about other's thoughts around this - I assume those that would have been at both weddings are close family and would understand your situation.

    While I don't think it's "weird" per se, I also don't think this is something I would want to do. I loved my first wedding, it was perfect for me at that point in my life. Now I feel like a different person and this wedding reflects us as a couple and while some things about weddings are similar from one to the next, this wedding is perfect for me (and FI) at this point in my life. I also agree that while you may find this okay in theory, I'm also wondering how you will feel on the day of....
    2 IVFs & 1 FET. Welcome home baby girl!
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    embracejoyembracejoy member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you and your fiance are comfortable and happy with it, by all means, do it.  The first time you were married there was out of necessity, this time, there's a meaningful reason behind it, so already there's some positive karma :)

    That said, I could NEVER do it.. the ghosts of wedding past would be far too loud for my taste.  But then again, our wedding is completely different than either of our first weddings (not even in the same states where we were previously married), totally different wedding attire, and my FH even made sure my engagement ring looked absolutely NOTHING like my first one (even the stone is a totally different shape).  But that's just us.  Do what you two want, but make sure it's REALLY okay with you deep down inside, and you're not just going along with what your fiance wants without being honest to yourself.
    we got it right the second time around! ten.twenty.twenty-ten. Anniversary
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with the "karma" post.  I'd be terrified of history repeating itself.  I don't think getting married in the church is a bad idea...it's YOUR church and you love it and are happy with it.  But I would at least change the reception place....HTH
    image
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    edited December 2011
    I was actually a little relieved to see your post. I'm in a similar situation, except the reception will be at the same place. My fiance and I spent a long time looking for another place we'd rather have it, and just couldn't find a place that suited us. It is a heritage club (that's the easiest way to describe it) that I have belonged to for years. My first husband only attended if I asked, and never really got involved. My fiance, however, loves to go. He thinks it's a great place and has gotten to know some of my friends from the club, even though we now live out of state. I have been worried that it's tacky to have it there again, but I've decided I just don't care. My fiance and I are more involved there together than my ex ever was, and that's where my fiance would like to have it. I'm not sure what his parents think, but they haven't really complained (it's his first marriage and their only son).
    I don't think it will be a problem emotionally either. While it took a long time, I don't get upset seeing my ex, and I rarely think about him when I'm there. I'm perfectly happy with my life now, and I think of my first marriage as a time in my past that helped me to grow into who I am now. You know yourself best. If you don't feel it will upset you, and he wants to marry there, why not?
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    edited December 2011
    Thank you all for all your help! I appreciate it... I have thought long and hard about this issue, and while I agree the "karma" aspect could be a little daunting, i made up my mind a long time ago I wasn't going to let him "rule" my life anymore or have any sort of power...Just because my first husband was abusive doesn't mean my second one will be, and the church is not what made him that way! So we will see how I feel the day of :) But I think I will be alright! He is 1000% different in every way from the first guy, and I am older and wiser, and can't wait for the date!
    Jeni
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    JoeyOzJoeyOz member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's your & your FI's choice, but for me - no way.  And if I was a guest at your 2nd wedding and had already been a guest at your 1st wedding, I would find it incredibly weird and awkward.
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    _Dagney__Dagney_ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't do it.. It would feel to strange.  I wouldn't want those emotions and thoughts running through my head ( or through the heads of my guests) on my wedding day.

    I'm not saying it's WRONG to do, just giving my honest opinion.
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