Rude or Not? Plus More...

MikesAngie

Hi Ladies,
In the attempt to keep family abeast of what is occurring when and to answer questions about the wedding and planning, we have a private Event page on Facebook and a wedding site as well. My wonderful  FI invited all of his family including cousins to our Event page that has been up since just after we got engaged and yesterday one of his cousins posted "no way!' as a comment.  She also stated that she is not attending, which is fine.  I thought her method of responding was rude, but the FI is wanting to get her story.  I have not met her or her husband so I have no opinion of them.

My FI's uncle and wife will be attending our wedding as the uncle (her step-father) is one of the groomsmen.  They are excited and happy for us as is everyone else that has been told of the news.

No one in the FI's side of the family was close to his xW, so it's not a "no way!" out of loyality to her. 

So now the question is do I send her and her husband  an invitation since she was sent a Save the Date and give her a chance to respond properly or take her "no way!' as definative and leave it at that?

2dBride

If you send a Save the Date, you always send an invitation.  Who knows?  She may have gotten over her snit by then.  And if she hasn't, she'll just decline.

ginabrat911

Do you and FI want her there or not?  If you do send the invite.  Maybe she'll feel differently by then.

melissamc2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_rude-not-plus?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:a8738c18-9e8d-4f46-9c8f-db13a974a242Post:85be0379-f540-4f55-9e4f-a5634018026c">Re: Rude or Not? Plus More...</a>:
[QUOTE]If you send a Save the Date, you always send an invitation.  Who knows?  She may have gotten over her snit by then.  And if she hasn't, she'll just decline.
Posted by 2dBride[/QUOTE]

While I NORMALLY agree with this, there are exceptions.  We sent out our save the dates.  One of the guys who got one, who had shown no hostility whatsoever prior to that,  started going around trashing me to everyone he encounters and discussing how he'll bring fiance's ex best friend to the ceremony to stand up and object.

He lost his invitation and we don't feel one bit guilty, bad, or rude about it.  We're not spending tens of thousands of dollars for someone to purposely try to ruin our day.

If it turns out the cousin in question is just a huge douche that is trying to make a stink, I see nothing wrong with just revoking the invitation.  Invitations are a privilege, not a right.


HOWEVER, I wonder if the "no way," may have just been that she'd not yet noticed that you were engaged and said it out of shock?  It's a longshot, but one can hope.

Good luck!

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right1thistime

Etiquette says you send the invitation.  I don't disagree with Melissa's viewpoint either, however.  My advice is to let your Fi decide.  It is his family after all.  Are you sure she didn't mean "no way- I can't believe it- how cool is that?" ~Donna

MikesAngie

I don't know her at all, so I don't know what she meant by "no way!", but the FI did send her a personal message to find out. 

My FMIL will be going to her house on the 21st for the 90th birthday party of the cousin's grandmother, so if the cousin hasn't responded the FMIL will find out what's going on.  By the way the cousin didn't invite us to the birthday party either, but it may be for the "older folks".  My FMIL will be staying with us the weekend of the party so we'll know what the deal is then.

I think it's strange that she would post something like that where all the family can see, instead of making it a private message.  Other than this message the FI's extended family have all be very supportive and happy for us.  Two other cousins want to "crash" my trying on of gowns we'll be in their neighborhood and it's totally fine with me.

jcaruncho2010

Etiquette Schmetiquette.  If in fact she said "No way!" as in "No way there's no way in hell I'm attending!" I wouldn't waste my time or money on sending her an invitation.  However, I have a strong feeling you may have misinterpreted her message....good luck!

MikesAngie

She still hasn't responded to the FI, and I am letting him deal with it.  Once I know what the "no way!" means I will make a decision.

MikesAngie

Follow-up todate the cousin who said "no way!" has not responded to the FI about what she meant - not on the family site, or to the private message he sent her.  I don't know her, but her step-sisters are planning on meeting us at the boutique when I have my appointment to try on gowns. 

So I know what ever issue she has it's hers, no one else in the family shares her view.