Help with unique idea to incorporate my daughter in our wedding

jodylynn78

I saw a show years ago where the new Step father said vows to the Bride's child. Not sure that's what I am looking for, but I can't come up with a nice idea for a way to symbolize that we are becoming a family of 3.
My daughter is 6. Her father is very involved in her life, but my fiance is very much looking forward to becoming her step father and she already considers him "one of her Dad's". We were thinking of maybe buying her a ring that we can present to her at the ceremony but I just can't come up with the perfect way to do it.

Any thoughts? TIA

CA2MT4EveR

say your vows to each other, then say a vow to her? Is a ring a good idea for a 6 year old? or would a necklace be a better fit?

right1thistime

I am not a big fan of vows to the children, especially when they still have both parents in their life.  You can find vows if you want them- just google vows to step children. 

Just realize that any significant item you buy for her you either have to: (1) expect it to get lost or (2) take away and put it up for safekeeping for her.  Neither of those two options seems particularly wonderful to me. 

Your wedding is about the two of you.  If you want to buy her a gift- make it one she will enjoy now.  The symbolism will be lost on a 6 year old.  ~Donna

handfast4me

I have to admit that including children in the ceremony (other than as flower girl, bridesmaid, etc.) doesn't seem appropriate to me.  The wedding is between the consenting adults.  A quick prayer or blessing over the entire family at the reception is fine, but other than that, I don't really like the idea.  I've heard of the medallion ceremonies, and the vows, but they seem pretty close to those creepy chastity balls and taking a child bride, to be perfectly honest.  And some of it seems disrespectful to her biological dad, who is apparently still in the picture.  Also, at 6, will she really remember it? Does she have the "stage presence" to withstand that sort of pressure?  Have you actually asked her?   At that age, kids tend to take things at face value, and literally.  I would not want her to misinterpret anything.  Just a few thoughts.

Sue-n-Kevin

I just posted on another thread about this. My fiance and I have older kids. When we get married in 18 months the youngest will be 2 girls, 16 and 18, and the other 3 will be over 24 y/o.

You could do several things

- have your daughter stand next to you during your vows, with no separate vows toward her, but acknowledging he is committing to a relationship with both of you

- A ring is a bit too "wedding-like" for a child, but perhaps a necklace with a pendant on it, to be put away later or worn for special occasions? I agree it's likely to get lost, or end up tangled in a little girl's jewelry box, but it could also end up as a special piece of jewelry for her in the future. We were thinking of claddagh pendants as my fiance is part Irish. But maybe a pendant similar to a mother's, that has all 3 of your birthstones on it? If you decided on something like that, your officiant could say your new husband is committing to be an important part of your daughter's life and he could put it on her neck?

Just random thoughts. I'm sure you will think of something appropriate for the facts of your relationship.

Good luck.

pamila51510

As a step daughter that was 7 years old when my mother and father got married the wedding was all about them but my step dad gave my sister and I a special gift. It was a Sliver Dollar with my birthdate on it. I still have that Silver dollar and thought it was so cool to me. I find its the simple things that matter most. No kid wants to stand up there during a "boring" ceremony. I sat in a pew in the church and watch my mom marry my dad it was wonderful and they had their moment it is I think the better way to go!  

luckyme502

My daughter is 12.  She has never had any contact with her biological father.  I asked her if she wanted to be a part of our ceremony, she doesn't.  She has agreed to be the MOH, but doesn't want any special attention.  Make sure your daughter wants to be involved. 

spaje

I have a son who is 12.  And was thinking about doing something similar. With some sort of acknowlegment between the two.  My sons father is now deceased, and he sees my finance as his "now" dad.  He still remembers and misses his other dad, but is really excited about the upcomming marriage.  We have decided that he will be up there as a grooms man, and I definitely want him walking me down the isle w/ my dad... So, I"m not sure how to do this one...

Catalina Island Bound

One of the things we're doing in our ceremony is having a Sand Ceremony.  This will be done at the END of the ceremony and we will have all of our children attending (most older, youngest one 13) join us at that point.... we will each have a little bottle/vase of sand of different color to pour into the bigger bottle/vase together. 

I found great Sand Ceremony wording that's perfect for this, but will add this: 

"Would the children of the Bride and Groom please join us in the sand ceremony and puor some sand into this glass container along with your good wishes?  This gesture would mean so much to your parents."

Just a thought. 

sweetyjess1982

My fiance and I will be including our one year old in our ceremony. He is going to be pulled down the aisle in a wagon as the ring bearer. During the ceremony we will present him with a ring on a necklace. We realize he won't remember this, but we and the rest of our family understand the significance of it.

deepcovejackie

I love, love, love the story Pamila told.  Kids are too young to understand vows, but a special gift, well that's great.  How lovely.  Especially for the younger kids.

My 13 year old daughter requested a sand ceremony, and my 11 year old is on board too.  They love their future stepfather, and since it's their idea, I'm all for it.  So sand ceremony it is.  If they had not requested it, we would have done a special wedding gift for each of them.

kristi0412

I am lucky enough to get to officially become the step mom of two wonderful kids, son 13 and daughter 8.  We are doing a sand ceremony with them. It's a really neat way to join as a family, without actually saying vows to the children. The point of a couple doing a unity candle is to symbolize the two become one. For me, we become a family and I want that represented in our ceremony, so we picked a sand ceremony to represent that.  We will each have a different color sand and pour it into a heart shaped vase.  (he has full custody of them and I am helping to raise them, it only feels natural to us) Oh - they are also a bridesmaid and a groomsmen. Of course the 13 year old boy is like ok, cool.... but the 8 year girl is beyond excited!   There is also a special sentence in our thank you on our programs to them and we are giving them special gifts in private, not for everyone to see   So do whatever makes you happy! Good luck!

arv266

I love the idea of family vows.  My children are 12 and 9, and although they both have a great relationship with their father, they are excited about the new family we are forming.  I see nothing wrong with adding a brief sentance in your vows that acknowledges the commitment to your new family.  If you think about it, when we decide to marry someone with children, we're not just entering into a relationship with that one person, but with their children as well. Will your daughter remember it?  No!  But it does set a very positive tone for your new family.  I also love the idea of a piece of jewelry that you can save for her.  It really doesnt matter what it is, in this case it really is the thought that counts.